Oh no!
Don't worry, it's not what you're thinking.
To purge, in the world of a transgender person, is to take away all of your clothing and accessories that associate with your real identity. Either throwing it away or donating to a charitable organization or worse possible option... rage destroying the stuff. We purge to protect some part of us that feels unsafe. We feel threatened by someone learning our "little secret" or something happening in our world to upset our safety net.
In 2005, I purged my entire female existence. I was buying a house and my best friend/future wife was moving in with me at this home. We each had separate apartments and the stuff to fill both places and our belongs would be filling a 53-year-old house that was about 1000 square feet. We donated redundant furniture; small appliances and I donated lots of clothing. I was adamant about her not going through my stuff because I had concealed Heather's clothes in with my excess and unneeded male clothing. She wanted to try reselling some of my better clothing and things. She was aware that I had attended adult themed Las Vegas Halloween Balls a few years prior dressed in women's clothing but she didn't know yet that this was the life I wanted to live.
Today's purge is different. I'm going through my closet and purging much of the male clothing. I haven't gone to work in male attire in nearly three years and rarely go out in public presenting as a male. I don't need twenty plus button down shirts. I don't need ten pair of "dress slacks." I have a pair of boy jeans a couple pair of "nice" pants and shirts in case I need to travel east. I'll keep even though I haven't worn them probably in a year or more. The last few times I've been out and presented as male, I've worn either my women's jeans or the women's slacks I wear to work. Why do I need a full wardrobe of male clothing that I'll never wear?
I just got off the phone with my Dad and told him about getting rid of some of the excess clothing. He suggested that I keep everything because (he's a thrifty New Englander) I might need the clothes in the future! Dad, I won't ever wear them again. I didn't remind him about my preference of wearing women's attire, though. He's seen Heather in person a number of times and I've told him my story. Dad's 86 and doesn't remember anything that happened in the last five years.
What will I do with the things I'm about to banish from my house? I'm going to bring them to the LGBTQ group that I attended a few weeks ago. They're starting a clothing closet for transgender people. I'll be making another person's transition and existence a bit easier. Having been to the group meeting, I realized that there are lots of people who are struggling to just get some of the basic things that I have an excess of. Some of the folks don't enjoy the luxury of a job that requires (so far) full acceptance of a person's chosen identity, and some don't even have the luxury of employment. It isn't that I didn't know, I work in the world of helping needy folks at my job. I'm not rollin' in the dough but I don't worry about my next meal or losing the roof over my head. I'll also donate some of my women's clothing that I never wear. I have plenty and surely someone will benefit. (Don't call me Shirley!)
Hopefully my meager contribution will help my sisters and brothers who just need a hand up to a less stressful life.
Have a great Sunday afternoon.
Heather.
