Sunday, May 14, 2017

Thanks Mom!

I love my Mom. 

Last time I visited my parent's house, the thing that surprised me most was the new photo on their fridge.  It was a picture of me.  Dressed for work on Halloween. 

It made me feel great.

I wonder if they have any idea that I spend most of my time dressed in women's clothing?  I have a strong desire to tell them.  My spouse has suggested that it is a bad idea.  Why tell them something that may upset them?  Yes, good point but my counter point is: this is me.  I am not ashamed of who I am.  I want to be honest about myself.  I've had to hide a part of myself for fifty years.  I don't want to hide any more.  If I had the means, I would do so much more to make my life as Heather a full time reality. 

Happy Mom's day.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Direction...or lack of?

I've been able realize the dream of wearing women's clothing for about a year and a half.  On a daily basis, I will be "underdressed" by wearing some type of knickers bra and breastforms under my male office wear.  On drives to the city, I have been pushing the envelope by wearing a blouse and the larger breasforms and sometimes have my nails painted.  Almost every drive back from the city is made fully en-femme.

Here's the dilemma.  I am struggling with a desire to be more like a woman on a daily basis.  I constantly think about more permanent changes such as breast implants, hormones and possibly re-assignment surgery.  When I am dressed as a woman, things about me just seem to be perfect.  There are two things that stand in my way. 

1.)  The permanence of a sex change is scary and I know this is why counseling is recommended prior to making a permanent change.  The thought of losing my most masculine traits holds both intrigue and fear.  Sexually, I am not interested in fathering children but I cannot deny I'll miss the pleasure of climax.  Admittedly, I 've never researched what kind of sensations a person experiences after having re-assignment surgery. 

2.)  Financial.  There is just no extra money in my life to shell out thousands for something that is both elective and selfish.  I have not looked into the health insurance plan's coverage for something like this but if it is anything like having three warts and two moles removed, I'll be paying for it out of pocket.

Wearing my breastforms, I feel complete.  I feel right.  The weight of them and the way they move when I move is perfection.  Wearing a lightweight top, underwire bra filled with my breastforms and a favorite skirt gives me a confidence I've never felt as a male.  Even if I stated that I'm apprehensive of re-assignment surgery, I'd get breast implants.  It would be great to not have fake ones stuck to my chest in the heat of summer.
I don't wish to be alluring to others.  I don't wish to be sexually attractive to others.  I just want to be happy.  I want to be me, however I wish to present myself to the world, let me be me. 

Thanks for visiting.