Regarding coming out...

I think I've discovered freedom. I don't have to hide. I don't have to feel like a part of me is locked away. I feel that a weight has been lifted from my back. Has that weight been replaced by breast forms on my chest?   I'm happier. I feel better about myself.  Sure, there are times when life irritates me. This is 2023, our world is still filled with people who are intolerant but how we navigate our daily lives is really what defines us and what defines trans people in the eyes of others. Aside from 2/3 of my kids and ex wife, I still have not come out to any of my other family members. Mom probably suspects since she's seen me in person and I always share photos of my exploits at drag queen bingo and Halloween.  Dad won't remember what I told him five minutes ago.  Also, I haven't come out on Facebook.  I'm thinking it may be time to do that on October 11.  It'll be iconic to do so on National Coming Out Day.

I saw a friend Wednesday for the first time in at least a year. Debbie jumped right on the correct pronouns. I was thrilled! It felt good to see someone you've known for years and be accepted. Again, how we're perceived in the eyes of others...  My presentation isn't perfect. I wear the best clothing I can get and afford. I know I need to work on my makeup skills. My hair sometimes looks like I've run a marathon. It's life, what do we do? 

It's still 2023 and only yesterday a person replied to me on Facebook using a derogatory slur often implying a gay male. The offending character's Facebook profile shows how "they kneel for the cross" and also "stand with trump." I'm neither a gay male nor am I, using the British meaning, a bundle of sticks. I'm married and have three kids. Not to imply that gay men have never married women or fathered children but lumping any person into a category just to insult them is simply ignorant.  The brilliant Facebook user also shows his employer in his Facebook profile and whether it helps me or not I messaged that employer with links to the comments made by their employee and screenshots to support the link in case they're pulled by Facebook. Just another day, 2023.

Last week, I had another "first."  I went to a doctor as Heather. Not my primary doctor, it was a first visit to an ENT.  Backstory: a couple years ago I'd started seeing an ENT and had been told to come back after getting my blood pressure under control.  It took a few months to get into my primary doctor, change meds and find the right prescription after discovering a side effect of the first drug. Late last year we got a message from that first ENT that they're retiring and I'd need to find a different doctor. So we waited until my annual visit with my primary doctor and got a referral to this new one. Yay, starting over. So I went to this doctor last week.  I decided that since there's a clean slate, she's going to see the real me.  I check-in, fill out forms, wait and wait some more... They call me to the back, my wife and I go through the door and sit... A few minutes later the doctor comes out and calls my "other" name but doesn't realize that the woman in a pink cap, black skort and well filled tee shirt who had replied is the guy she's calling.  It took her a couple seconds for it to click.  She asked a couple questions about whether I'd had any medical changes done, drugs or hormones and asked if this was real or a gag.  I explained that it's real and I'm happy.   She was cool with my answer and the first visit was perfectly pleasant and welcoming.  Again, starting over.  I have a deviated septum, serious blockage in my nasal cavities (70 & 80% blocked), sleep apnea, probable allergies to cats and dogs, recommended a sleep study and nasal sprays and follow-ups.  Before this, the closest I've been to seeing a doctor as Heather was last November when we went to a specialist for my wife's edema.  I was dressed androgynously: leggings, tee-shirt and smaller breast forms.  

Have a great Friday and an amazing weekend!

Heather

Another first, another self outing.

 Hello! 

On of my closest friends has recently undergone a surgical procedure. I don't exactly know what was repaired but I know that something in the boy parts or rectal region has been bothering him for a number of months. His Mom has been staying with him to help with his recovery. She was supposed to return home tomorrow.but will stay at least another week. While here, she's rented a car and the agreement was to turn it back in today but she's staying another week. I had offered use of my car and yesterday, my friend called asking if I'm still willing to lend my car and he offers his truck for me to use. Of course! I'd do almost anything for this friend. I told him I'd be down tomorrow (which is tonight) after work.  

After talking to him yesterday, I'd started working on a plan. Will I head home to change before driving an hour and a half? Do I bring a change of clothes and change along the way? Do I just go directly after work? I told him I'd call mid-day to confirm when I'll be down. Today comes, I call him on my way home for lunch and let him know that "I'm leaving directly after work and will be wearing exactly what I wear every day to work." I know that he had no clue about what I meant by very specifically saying that.

During lunch, I check the fluid levels and top the wiper fluid. After work, the car takes me to the city without incident, stop at a carwash, stop at Costco to fill the fuel tank and go to his house. Ring the bell, Mom answers and I say what I said when I arrived at my family's house last November, "I look a bit different now." She greets me and ask how everything is, asks after my wife and my parents. It was nice.

I haven't driven a vehicle with a manual transmission in four or five years. I haven't driven a vehicle with a manual transmission in HEELS since 1998 or 1999!  

Everything went well taking his truck home.

Another adventure in the books. Another outing, too.

Heather

Another day in the books.

Hi everyone!

My wife and I used to be responsible for a huge part of the "operation" with the volunteer group. There are many people involved with the group in 2023 and the two of us have taken different roles. In the past, each of us would regularly have direct interaction with the people using our group's services, again lots of volunteers so we're doing other things.

We went to the city yesterday. My wife had a follow-up dental visit and I had prescriptions to be filled and some ready to collect that had been ordered from the wrong pharmacy.  I wore a black skort, black lace bra with my biggest breast forms and a white vee necked tee shirt to take care of all of our business while she was being attended to by the dentist. Everything went well.

Yesterday, there were other events happening for the group and my wife and I were called in to do what we used to do on a weekly basis. After we got home from our visit to the city, we had a couple of hours to kill and then went out.  I changed my shirt so I wouldn't soil it, changing it to my regular pre-stained volunteering shirt. It was a good day. When we got there, the driver was already there and another volunteer too. It really would have been better if the volunteer guy had stayed home, he created more of a hassle than was necessary. Loud. abrasive and much like a bull in the china shop when we needed calm. One lady who received help from our group had been helped in the past and I remembered her from that previous visit and I see her regularly at my "real" job. She addressed me as "Miss." Woo hoo!

I've interacted with so many people in many different ways over the last few days. I'm so much more comfortable in life as Heather than any other way. This has been one of the best life decisions that I've ever made. 

Just another day in the life, I guess.

Heather.

I DID IT!

I attended our group's thank you event IN A DRESS!

It was as amazing as I'd imagined it would be.

I wore the same dress I'd worn last year on Halloween and when I'd voted in the mid-term elections. Most of the volunteers for the organization were there, if there is anyone not sure about who and how I am after today...it's their problem. 

One of the women is also originally from Massachusetts. In many ways, we're very much alike. A few years ago, she realized that we had a mutual friend who ran the group. My wife knew her and her husband. I was aware of her but had no real interactions so I knew her only in passing. I saw a reply message on social media from her one night basically saying that I needed to accept her friend request. I did and then all of her direct messages popped up. I don't know how it was that I didn't receive them until after befriending her online... I'm glad I did! She's really a great person. Her husband, too. I met her daughter tonight for the first time. Much like her Mom, good natured and nice.

So... backing up a bit... My wife and I arrive at the event, our friend sees my wife but doesn't recognize me. (Remember, I'm in a dress and I didn't tell anyone what I'd be wearing. They had NO idea.) Then she realizes it's me! She, her daughter and husband are all smiles when I stop at the table where they're sitting. We chatted and had a great time.  Daughter asks about how I achieve my figure, is it a breast plate or "cutlets." Cutlets! With the dress I'd chosen, I needed to be voluptuous and wore my biggest breast forms.  Mom and daughter tell me that I remind them of Lucille Ball. OMG! Now I'll never not see myself in that dress without thinking of Lucy! I really see it as a great honor.

I had a great day!

I'd said to my co-workers earlier this week that the dinner was happening and that I was a bit nervous. I was tempted to run home, change gender and clothes and run back. Co-workers said just go! Yup. That was the best idea. It was fun. Nobody said anything, at all. Who knows what will be said in private and honestly, I don't even care because I enjoyed a great time with my wife and our friends.

Okay, time to go.

I have cats to feed and chores to do.  

Have a great night.

Heather.

Follow up to "outed"

 Hello everyone!

I'm a volunteer. I've been with two organizations for a while. One involves monitoring a remote historic site in the desert with some amazing petroglyphs. One involves cats.

One group will have a dinner for volunteers in the near future. Some of the people have seen Heather either for Halloween, when they visited my office or at charity events held in the past but I've never "come out" to anyone in that realm. 

I'm attending the dinner in a dress and heels. I'm genuinely looking forward to it. It'll be lots of fun and I won't have to race home from work, change my clothes and race back nearly to the location of my office and miss a portion of the event.

If anyone has a problem, NBD. 

No. Big. Deal. 

I'm going to look good, have a great time and FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!

Speaking of "problems,"

Last week, I spent my three days at the office on our front desk, checking in customers.

Apparently one older (mid/late 60's, wearing desert camo) guy was bothered by the "man wearing a dress" at the front. I'm not sure who he was talking about, I was wearing a blouse and jeans. The co-worker who had the pleasure of dealing with him was totally patronizing toward him after he expressed his concerns about my clothes. The irony of this is I had just started a large copying job.  I said "I just started, if you want to go first..." She told me of his opinion, and we agreed that he needed to wait for ALL of my copies to be finished before she would go.

The moral of the story is, "Be careful about speaking ill of others because you may have to wait an additional fifteen minutes to get done."

This is the first time in a few months that I've heard someone have a bad opinion of my existence.

Have a great night

Heather.

ps. Yes, I still have stories to tell from my traveling across the nation.

Home again. Another trip has come and gone.

 Hello everyone.

I'm back in the desert after a week in very green New England. My trip was nice but certainly not restful. According to the car rental company, I drove over a thousand miles in the course of my time there. I know that I was in five states, CT, MA, VT, NH and NY. And yes, again Heather flew out and back home but she didn't present herself to the family on this trip. 

I arrived Tuesday evening, ate dinner with my parents, chatted for a while and then went to bed.

Wednesday, I got Mom up for her trip to dialysis. AT FIVE FIFTEEN! She overslept, it was supposed to be 4:45 when shegot up. She usually leaves the house at 11:00 am but she was able to go in at 6:00 so we'd be able to go on an overnight trip with Mom, Dad and my sister. I bring Mom to her appointment, grab a hot cup of coffee and a Boston Creme at Dunkin, head home, get my stuff ready for our overnight trip, shower and get ready, let my sister know that everything is still on track for her to come over, wake Dad and get him ready, head out with Dad and Sister to collect Mom and strike out on our adventure.

We drive to northern New Hampshire where Mom spent time as a kid. Our plan was to dawdle long enough to not have to wait at the hotel for check-in so we stopped for some groceries to have something to snack on. We grabbed crazy snacks, salads and a sandwich as if we were a bunch of kids, each with $20 in a candy store. Off we to toward the hotel to check-in. All good!

Mom had told my sister that she'd always wanted to see the big, fancy hotels in that area such as the Mountain View Grand Resort and Spa and the Mount Washington Hotel.  My sister gets the directions plugged into the GPS and we head to the Mountain View... I drop Mom, Dad and Sister at the front entrance, walk from the back 40 after parking the car and learn that Mom's not interested in seeing the interior of the hotel, "we're not staying here, we have no business being here."  My sister goes up the stairs to the porch and snaps a couple of photos and comes back down to where we are standing.  Mom's adamant about not going inside. I take the long hike back to the car, drive up to the valet drive and collect everyone.  We drive around the area where Mom grew up with the goal of her seeing the former farm. Again, she's very specific about what she's comfortable and willing to do: "Don't go beyond this point, your uncles came here 30 years ago and the guy who owns it ran them off the property with a shotgun." I pull into the driveway going exactly as far as she wanted. Mom sees the property and new (30+ years ago built) house and says lets get out of here quickly.  I put the rental in reverse, squeezing the SUV down the narrow driveway and glance up to see a guy chasing us on an ATV. My sister asks me to stop and she gets out. Mom's taking about how she's concerned. I ask Mom to be quiet so I can hear the conversation happening in front of the car.  I overhear the man say, "I insist!" My sister gets in and says to Mom, "he wants you to see the place." What starts out being a stressful event turns AMAZING! Mom proceeds to tell him and his wife about the family stories, some they'd heard and some they hadn't.  We were visiting much longer than we'd expected and when we left, things in Northern New Hampshire were closing. We're trying to find a place for real food to complement our room snacks. We try one place, go in, stand at the counter to order but nobody ever came to take the order.  After a few minutes, we left and returned to our hotel.  My sister and I brought Mom and Dad to their room then the two of us went to our hotel's restaurant to get a takeout meal for our parents and a sit-down meal for us. We chat and eat and realize that the place is closing so we go back to our parent's room to make plans for Thursday and then off to our own rooms to sleep.   

Thursday morning, we all go to the hotel's buffet breakfast. After eating, we get ourselves ready to go exploring, pack up and head out.  We drive through the White Mountains National Forest, stopping a few times to see different sights. At one scenic area, we must have explored for two hours. (My sister didn't want me to spend for the parking pass, I did anyway!) Our next stop was the Mount Washington Hotel. Again, Mom refused to get out of the car to see the place.  My sister said that she's going to check the place out and I agreed. We walk over to the hotel, into the sitting area and marvel at the grandeur. Off to the spa and indoor pool area, gift shop, "cave" nightclub, rear porch, Adirondack chairs on the rear lawn, texting photo after photo to Mom telling her what she's missing with one having the message, "The nice lady said to come in and look around.". After about an hour, we head back to the car where Mom is just getting out to stretch her legs. I tell my sister that Mom's ready to go in and Mom agreed!!! So we get Dad out of the car and the four of us walk up to the hotel and explore the same areas and show Mom and Dad the amazing place.  Everyone had a great trip! Mom got to do some things that she'd only been able to dream about for many years. 

It's eleven PM, I have had a long week and I have an early morning planned.

I'll finish my blabbing in the near future.

Tomorrow night, go look at the sky! The Perseids are supposed to be amazing this year.

Have an amazing weekend!

Heather.

Sunday 4:44 pm

 Here I am, blogging instead of getting my things ready for my trip. In my defense, I've been doing some of the house chores that have needed doing for a while.  I've also brought in a third suitcase in case I choose to not load the larger one I usually bring.

I've been thinking about whether to arrive at the family homestead as Heather, again. It might just be worth it.  I've got such a nice dress planned for my trip that it'll be a real shame to have to change out of it in the car. Life is too short.

I'm really looking forward to this trip but as my parents get older, I fear that the inevitable will happen before I arrange another trip.  Mom's health isn't great and Dad's not all there mentally. 84 is a long life and they've had some great experiences. This trip will hopefully fulfill some of Mom's wishes before she leaves us. She wants to see where her family was laid to rest in New Hampshire.  My Dad's been reluctant to leave the house for any lenghty trip for a while, I suspect it's because he's familiar with the surroundings and being away from familiarity will be hard to deal with. We're planning an overnight trip, too.

I'm starting to think about telling Mom about me. 

It's going to be an adventure. We'll see how this goes. 

I'll share some details when I return.

Heather