Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year.

I'm writing this while in my favorite skirt, blue lace camisole, black leggings and a flannel shirt.  Pink finger nails, green toe nails (jeez, hope I'm not turning preppy!) and my gold hoop earrings.  I hope we have a fabulous 2017 even with the obvious 1000 pound, orange gorilla in the room and the changing political tide. 

If I have any real goals for the coming year, they are just to be happy and healthy.  I plan spend more time in Heather mode out in the world and hope to spend nearly every day in some form of women's wear.  As it is, almost all of my time spent at home is in a skirt & blouse and I have a nice assortment of nightgowns.  Hopefully, I'll be able to improve my make-up skills.  I'd like to buy a couple pair of slacks and most importantly a natural looking wig. 

I don't know about "coming out" to more friends or family but that is a decision that I've contemplated just to making my life easier.  We must live our lives in a way that is most fulfilling to ourselves.  I can't explain why I feel better when I'm presenting as a woman but I'm so much more comfortable and happy like this.  Why do people like sex, sports, art, music, jogging, cooking or living in a way with which others may not agree?  Damned if I know, I just like what I'm doing.

I plan to travel more (especially in skirts).

Thank you for reading my many stories.  Happy New Year.


Monday, December 26, 2016

Hello friends,

Today is my last weekend day.  What do I have to show for those three days?  Saturday, we went to see my kids.  Sunday, we didn't really do anything.  This morning my wife's phone rang.  Wife's bestie called looking for help building a shelf at the local animal shelter.  I was more than happy to give her a hand.  It was a great feeling to be there, knowing that something I'm doing will improve the experience that all the cats in the building have.  Of course, I'd like to have our friend meet Heather but I'm just not ready.  I just don't want to jeopardize the relationship between my wife and her friend.  Yes, there is always the argument that if Heather isn't accepted then maybe it is better to not be that person's friend.  I don't feel that there would be an issue with acceptance but don't want to mess up their friendship.  Just not worth the risk....

Next thought:  As a person feeling as though they're living with two distinct personalities, I try to keep my life as stable as possible. I don't want to add stress to my existence, before becoming an administrative assistant, I worked at a retail store selling RV parts and scheduling installation of those parts or repairs on privately owned RVs.  I would carry the stress of my day's work home far too often.  I'd love to have the luxury of spending 100% of my time as Heather but reality and life make that an impossibility.  I would like to spend a greater amount of time as Heather in the coming year.  I also have set a goal for myself of taking a full Heather vacation.  I've got a need to go away whether it means taking our little RV to a nearby resort or really going away.   It is that time in my life. 

Shoes:  I've seen people comment about the lack of pretty, colorful or "stylish clothes" available in larger sizes and I agree and feel that this applies to shoes, also.  I'm looking for shoes that are seasonally appropriate but in my size I am only finding athletic shoes or ones that are more dressy than I'm seeking.  The biggest problem is that there are no local stores that carry larger sizes in the styles I want.

Hope your last week of 2016 is nice.


Sunday, December 25, 2016

My visit.

Good morning.  Happy Hanukkah.  Merry Christmas.

My wife and I went to the city yesterday to have dinner with my adult daughters.  Before we left home, I asked if there would be any other people attending.  No, just the four of us.  Ok, engage Heather mode...full speed ahead!  I have a nice green tee/tunic with lace trim at the bottom.  I think the look is complimentary on my figure.  That top with my navy paisley skirt and tights brought out the best of Heather.  On the way out of town, the car needed to be re-fueled.  I took the initiative to pump gas because my wife was too chilly to do it.  We made the seventy mile trip without drama.  This was my first time at their house if full Heather mode.  Youngest daughter opened the door, looked and smiled when she saw me.  Yes, they are very accepting of most things.  That younger generation seems to only have hang-ups about hate, bullying and meanness.  After dinner, I asked what their plan for the evening was.  "Mom is coming over probably around 6:00" was the reply from eldest.  We all get along ok but neither wife nor I really wanted to see Ms. Ex-wife so we knew that we'd be heading out in a short time.  We also needed to meet one of my co-workers so I could sell her a three of the Android tablets we'd bought a few months ago.  It is important to always have an "out" if you don't want to do something!

It was a great visit.  We had lots of fun and silliness.

Happy Holidays


Saturday, December 24, 2016

The question that I was asked.

My spouse often asks me the same questions, over and over again. 

Do you love me?
Are you happy?
Can I stay another day?

The answer is an unconditional yes, every time.

She tossed me a new one on Thursday: "Are you satisfied?"

Heather has been "out" for about a year, now.  I'm very happy with that decision and for the most part, I'm satisfied with my life.  There are things I would love to have and for things I'd like to be different.  Financially, I am nowhere near what I want to have to support us after retirement.  Physically, I enjoy good health with only a couple of joint issues that cause pain. long as I'm working for someone else, it'll always just be a job.  In terms of Heather's existence, I have things that I strongly desire but I know that some are possible/realistic and some are just a pipe dream.  I just need to keep her on a dime-store budget.

We're heading into a new year and I'm looking to spend more time living life my way.  I fully intend to spend more time on the town.

Today is Christmas Eve.  Wife and I will go to the city to spend time with my daughters, who are aware of Heather.  I'll also visit a good friend to deliver some trinkets.  At least part of the trip will occur in a skirt and blouse.  The only issue that I have is a lack of winter footwear.  I will need to find a store that sells something in my size.  Payless lists large sizes on the website but I've not seen any available in my area stores.

Merry Christmas to all!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

I do hate the term bucket list but here is one.

I saw this list on Stana’s Femulate page.  I filled in my personal answers and added a few items of my own.  I created a “key” at the end to explain what the letters mean.   Hope it doesn't get all "jumbled" in the upload. 


Bucket list by Stana:


  • Dance                                                                        I
  • Come out to everyone                                               I
  • Travel by air                                                              P                     
  • Permanent body hair removal                                   I          
  • Go on a date                                                              X            already have a S/O
  • Make-out                                                                   X            see above
  • Compete in a womanless beauty pageant                 M
  • Make love                                                                 M
  • Live full-time 24/7                                                    I
  • Wear a bikini and look good doing it                       N             Not gonna happen!
  • Be a bride                                                                  F
  • Grow my hair long                                                    X
  • Go to a hair salon to get a feminine hairdo               I
  • Pluck my eyebrows                                                   M
  • Go to the mall                                                            P            
  • Attend a cocktail party                                              M            not my scene, maybe?
  • Use the ladies' restroom                                            M
  • Attend a black-tie event                                            X
  • Go out to eat                                                              X
  • Shop for shoes                                                           X
  • Go to a casino                                                            X
  • Go to a movie                                                             I
  • Drive a car                                                                 X
  • Get castrated                                                              N            Unless SRS, unlikely
  • Flirt                                                                            X            see dating
  • Get a makeover                                                          I
  • Dress shopping                                                          P
  • Get a manicure and pedicure                                     I
  • Girls' night out with genetic females                        X
  • Speak with a convincing feminine voice                  F
  • Go to Fantasia Fair                                                    I
  • Go to a concert                                                         X
  • Go to a transgender convention                                I
  • Go to church                                                             M
  • Model in a fashion show                                          F
  • Attend female-only/oriented events                         F
  • Perform on stage                                                      M
  • Go to work                                                               
  • Bra fitting without breast forms                               I
  • Go to a support group meeting                                X
  • Get ears pierced                                                       X
  • Use public transportation (taxi, bus, rail)                P

My additions to the list

  • Other piercings                                                         X
  • Tattoos                                                                      I
  • Go to a public beach                                                 I
  • Wear a swimsuit (one piece) in public                     F
  • Public speaking                                                        M
  • Attend a wedding                                                      F
  • Go to the theatre, symphony or opera                       I
  • Have a custom garment fitted                                   I
  • Breast augmentation                                                 I
  • Hormone therapy                                                     M         Not likely
  • SRS                                                                          M         Not likely
  • Wear toenail polish in public                                   X
  • Wear fingernail polish in public                              X
  • Wear women’s shoes daily                                      X
  • Appear in the media                                                 F
  • Attend Diva Las Vegas                                            I
  • Travel internationally                                               I
  • Waxing/electrology                                                  I
  • Drive cross country                                                 P
  • Wig fitting                                                               I
  • Take a continuing ed class                                      I
  • Take sewing/cooking classes                                  I


F  = Fantasy!  This is a fantasy, strong want!  In a heartbeat, I’d do it!    

I   = Interested.  I would do this.  I am interested in it.  A realistic goal.

M = Maybe… I may consider doing it but it is frightening to me!

N = Not gonna happen!  No way in Hell would I consider this, just no.

P  = Planned already!  I have some kind of plan to do this.

X = X marks the spot.  Been there, done that.
Peace to all.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Transcontinental trans traveling?

In January, I will be flying to see my parents on the east coast.  I'm seriously contemplating traveling en-femme.  I don't know if I'll do this but it is something I really want to do.  It'll be such a great thing to do.  Mom and Dad live about 40 miles away from the airport and I'm renting a car when I arrive so their son can get to the house rather than the daughter they didn't know they had.  As a side note, I shared my Halloween photo when I was an office girl at work on Facebook.  A family member showed them and they said I looked good (and too much like my older sister). 
Damn, I hope I have the gumption to pull this off!


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Why am I thankful?

Danger, opinion ahead!

First of all, I'm not thankful for the treatment of the First Americans.  We seem to bless our families and friends, our bounteous harvest, the many material things we possess.  We seem to forget those who were trampled along the path. 

Tough question, but here goes. 

I am thankful for:
My voice.  I am proud to be able to voice my opinion and to sing along with the radio among other things.

My family.  Three great kids, seven cats, parents, sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends.  All of them exposed me to crazy, funny, smart or outrageous ideas. 

Health.  Relatively good health, all around. 

Home.  We've got a good spread out here in the desert!  The cats seem to approve of it.

The ability to be myself.  I'm glad to be able to do what I do.  I like my choice of clothes.  A skirt, camisole, blouse, stockings, heels, painted nails, mascara. 

Am I going to a turkey dinner on Thursday?  I think so.  I'm not thrilled by the seventy mile drive out and back.  It will be nice to see family.  Thankful that I won't have to cook.  Thankful that I'll be able to wear my favorite skirt for the drive home.  Then, I'll make another round trip Friday morning for my scheduled blood donation and maybe some shopping.


Sunday, November 20, 2016

Welcome Monday, shortened holiday edition.

I'm going to enjoy this week.  Bright red toenails.  Knickers, bra and breastforms and maybe nylons under the drab "business casual" shirt and slacks.  I wonder if anyone notices that I'm rockin' a solid "B" cup under that shirt?  There's one advantage to being a bit chunky!  People may only notice a heavy dude with "man boobs."
Also, I'm thinking of enjoying a bit of an adventure on Friday.  I have blood donation scheduled early and will have the rest of the day to do as I please.  My goal is to push my boundaries a bit and wear something that makes a statement.  I'll certainly bring along my second wardrobe and maybe go for the full effect while hitting the shops for a bit of retail therapy.  It will be a great way to bring a level of happiness after all we've seen in the news.  I'll see if I'm going to be up for paint on my fingernails at work.  I have a couple of subtle shades that I've worn (unnoticed) in the past.

Peace to all

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Two weeks

The past two weeks have given me time to think. 

Who am I kidding?  Does a political party dictate my life choices?   Will Heather be stripped and shoved back into the armoire?

1.) Nobody, I am not trying to kid anyone.  I'm living the life that makes me happy.  I feel good about my choices of clothing and the way I look in some of them.  It isn't a masquerade.  It isn't a costume.  It is my preferred choice of dressing and I'm happy to say this.

2.) No.  We lived through President Obama's "death squads."  I am not going to live my life in fear.  I'm willing to drive into the big city to conduct business.  I lived in a couple of the bad neighborhoods of Las Vegas, NV and never had any kind of trouble.  My grandparents lived in a tough neighborhood.  The smart person knows to mind your own business, keep your nose clean, be a good neighbor and be friendly.  People generally won't bother their neighbors, especially if you don't have flashy things.  I will stand tall with my sisters and brothers.  We're all human beings.  My skin tone, my choice of worship/choice to not worship, my ethnic background, my sexual preference.  None of these will be changed by politics.

3.) I've thought about this more in the last two weeks than I have in the past year.  I "came out" to my spouse about a year ago and there were times that I wondered if doing so was a good idea.  Yes, without question I did the correct thing.  It has challenged some of her "Puritanical, New Englander" sensibilities but has commented on how I'm generally a happier person since coming out.  I know that the town in which I live is a bit too small and my job is too visible for me to comfortably be in the open here.  I will go out in the day on a trip to that big city, one of these days.  I think Halloween was a good ice breaker for me.    I will be working on my only real weakness, my voice.

Thanks for reading my postings!


Sunday, November 13, 2016

Hello to a different world.

Political topic, beware!

I cannot say that I have ever felt anxiety in my life.  November 8, changed this fact.  All evening I felt short of breath, my heart was pounding and I felt a true fear.  Then I saw a posting from one of my adult daughters that said some of her friends were near suicide over the result of an election.  I reminded my daughter that people need to be sure to have their voices heard.  Stand up, tell your Senator or Representative. 

That night, I had a tough time getting to sleep and it wasn't even restful.  I still feel anger about the result of that election.  FBI Director Comey needs to be reprimanded for his actions.  If you're going to charge a person with something, at least be sure the charge is going to stick.  I agree with Mrs. Clinton that he is a contributing factor to her loss.  I am disturbed by the allegations of her being crooked while her opponent has had plenty of dirty deals during his career.  Not only dirty deals, he is a sexual predator and a liar.  He's not a politician, they say.  An outsider is what we need.  Ok.  Let us find one who isn't Trump.  But also find an outsider that doesn't want us to embrace Christian family values, exclusively.  I may not agree with the way some religions treat their followers but our nation was founded on religious freedom, among other things.  We can enjoy freedom of religion or freedom from religion.  I don't want others to tell me how to live my life.  I am happily married to a woman.  Why should my cousin not be able to enjoy that same thing if she chooses?  My wife has a cousin who is married to a great guy, I'd sure hate to see him have is marriage dissolved.  Everyone deserves to live a happy life.  Our nation has made some amazing strides in the area of human rights and I surely hope to enjoy even more.   (And...don't call me Shirley!)

For much of my life, Heather D. Waters has been repressed, stuck in a closet, bottled up.  I won't let that happen again, regardless of a political climate or change of tolerance.  Heather has enjoyed her emergence over the past year and is truly excited about the future adventures to be shared with the world.  This girl is out and proud!

I am not going to let political change stop me from dressing in my favorite skirt, blouse and heels!  I'm looking forward to my next trip to the city, I'm tempted to go all out.  I've shared my Halloween photo with my Facebook family and friends, I got lots of positive reactions.  I think I looked ok.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween success!

I took the challenge!  Worked my 10 hour shift in the office, the women in the office mostly seemed to be ok with my choice.  I didn't want to be a caricature of a woman, I wanted to look like your typical office woman.  Our clientele seemed to enjoy working with me, too.  It was lots of fun.  And then...I got home.  My spouse had a friend come over.  We sat and talked for a couple of hours and I suggested going to dinner. I didn't get our of my skirt, blouse and wig.  The three of us girls went as we were.  So much fun.


Sunday, October 30, 2016

Happy Halloween

I've done something I cannot remember doing too often in the past.  I have set out my clothes for tomorrow.  Skirt, peach colored top with embroidered butterfly and flowers, favorite bra, knickers, nylons and black sandals.  .Also, I've loaded a purse and wallet.  After I do my make-up, my cosmetics will also be placed into my bag.  

My partner in crime texted me earlier, asking if I was still dressing up tomorrow.  I affirmed that I am.  We joked that we hope we're not going to get into trouble for cross dressing at work.

I am so excited to be able to dress up at work.


Well said, Tim Gunn 

I think what he is saying is great.  It doesn't go far enough, though.  I think the sizing conventions need to be re-addressed.  I should be able to buy the same numeric size from any manufacturer and get a comparable fit.  Also, only have one sizing convention.  Eliminate something, too.  Why is there a juniors size, regular size and a woman's size.  I've found nice clothes that were marked XL but I don't know what tiny person would be considered XL in that world. 

The next thing is...Tim Gunn left out our demographic.  What the Hell is the big idea behind clothing not readily available to women, trans or genuine, who may have a longer torso.  I don't want to wear a camisole, tank or blouse that fits like a "belly shirt."  Then there's the lengths of women's pants.  Do they think that all women have the same inseam?  And... the lengths are two inches apart.  In men's sizes, I can get a 29, 30, 31 or whatever.  Jeez.

Rant over.

ps.  I would love to be a model on "Project Runway!"  It would be fabulous to be fit with clothes made just for me! 


Saturday, October 29, 2016

Just came back from the yard sale at the VFW.

My spouse and I enjoyed our morning.  She has a bit of anxiety in public and because of my job, I don't like to have people who visit my office seeing me out in the world but we both made it through the day.  We even made some money, Yay.

I've never bought make-up.  I figured that with my past outings if I was getting out of the car, I'd be a natural girl.  Letting the glow of my skin be all the color I'd need.  Going to the office, on the other hand....I'd have to look a certain way.  I went to Walgreens and bought my first mascara, lipsticks, foundations and eye shadow.  It'll be interesting to see if I end up looking like one of those scary clowns that everyone keeps reporting.  I have a day and a half to practice... I bought ten cosmetic items and a gift Frappuchino for my spouse for the princely sum of $15.69.  Not bad, gotta love clearance!

Friday, October 28, 2016

Our weekend of dreams?

I have the day off of work and don't have to return until Monday.  Halloween.  My original plan for the weekend was to do everything en-femme.  No EXCUSES!  My, how plans change.  We've decided to try selling stuff Saturday at a flea market in the parking lot of the local VFW.  No, I cannot attend this event dressed in a skirt and blouse, as much as I'd like it.  Our town is just a bit too conservative, religious or is it too Republican...  Most of my home time is already spent dressed up, even/especially if I'm some kind of work or cleaning something.  I'll still spend at least part of today, Saturday afternoon, all of Sunday and Monday as Heather and I'll love it. 

Thursday, October 27, 2016

I have a partner in crime for Halloween!

I told my deskmate of my plan to dress in a skirt on Halloween.  My "reason" that I told her was that so many people come into the office and reply to me, yes ma'am.  She, said that she would wear a suit and tie in contrast to my skirt.  Immediately after my telling her this, a person came in and replied to me...yes ma'am.  We both chuckled.  I'm so looking forward to Monday!

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Someone wants to know how I"m going to dress on Monday!

My direct co-worker aka my deskmate wants to know what I'm wearing for Halloween.  She suggests that we wear something similar.  Do  I tell her my plan and have her and I look lines like twins?   She is a very nice looking (stunning!) woman and I'm...average.  I will make some kind of decision tomorrow!

Sunday, October 23, 2016

The sadness of Monday

I often feel bad that on Monday morning, Heather is hidden beneath a man's button down collar and khakis.  Sure, I'm almost always "underdressed." And I do have polished toenails and sometimes there's a subtle hint of polish on my fingers but Heather needs to know the satisfaction of going to work like any ordinary Joe. 

When I'm "underdressed," I will usually wear a lightly padded bra with some cotton handkerchiefs folded into a triangle as an augmentation but I also own two pair of breast forms, a set of "A" and a "C" size.  I have a couple of shirts that are loose enough that I have worn the "A's" out in the world while in drab-mode.  I'm considering enjoying a day at work with my "A's" under the stuffy office attire.  This may help my desire to spend more time as Heather.  My biggest complaint is that the breast forms all have protruding nipples.  I don't know of a woman who has stiff nipples all the time so clearly it is something to sell the product but I'm not looking to sell any product.  My goal and desire is to be dressed as I please.   I'm not needing assistance in attracting attention.  Ok.  Rant over.

Of course, I'm still toying with the prospect of celebrating our day "out" a week from Monday but lately I am feeling a personal pressure to come out and just live as Heather... 24/7.  When at home, I'm almost never wearing male clothes unless I'm doing some kind of labor that may damage my nicer clothes. 

Saturday, October 22, 2016

So close!

My spouse and I needed to pick up some auction items that we won, make a return to kmart and run a couple of errands.  It meant that we'd be driving to Las Vegas.  I'd finally worked up the gumption to make the trip en-femme... and then... as we're walking to the door...  knock, knock, knock.  I say to her, "I'm not opening the door."  I head for the bedroom and she gets the door.  Spouse's bestie stopped by to see what we're up to...  After a couple of minutes, I realize that bestie isn't leaving so I pull a shirt and pants and ditch my skirt and blouse.  I head outside to greet bestie, we talk, she takes off and we drive off to Vegas.  Ok, I think I've decoded that I need to tell bestie.  I can't freak out every time she comes over.  There are times that I've had to find a button up shirt over my bra and I almost always have my nails painted on the weekend.  She should be ok with my choice of clothing.  We've never heard bad comments from bestie regarding a person's lifestyle. 

Oh, and the auction purchase was a group of purses that we bought to resell but we may keep a couple for spouse and myself.

We also found that we had $40 in points at kmart.  Something about buying clearance stuff a couple of days ago.  It was great being able to go on a shopping spree and not having to pay for the stuff!

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Our "Personal Holiday" or is it just Halloween?

We all know that Halloween is revered as a day we can do anything and go anywhere dressed as we like.  Can I have the strength to go to work en-femme?   My dream is that at the end of the work day, I will proclaim "this is the greatest thing I've ever done, so comfortable" and tell them that I'll be wearing a skirt to work every day.

I think I need to roll with anything that may come from going to the office in a blouse, skirt, hose and heels.  I don't think there will be bad comments from my co-workers but I am the only male and as far as I know the only one with gender issues. The women are all married or divorced and I don't think any are lesbian.  There are some that are "ultra-conservative" or religious but I am hoping that they'll be cool.  Fortunately, all of the bosses are pretty cool and seem to be open minded.

One of the odd things that happens when people talk to me in the office is that people often reply "yes, Ma'am" to me.  This happens both with co-workers and clients, it is almost as if they already know!  I've never alluded to my being transgender beneath my work slacks and button-down collars but I get a sense of satisfaction out of it.

My office is closed Friday the twenty-eighth and always I'm off on the weekend.  I plan to take advantage of the entire weekend to dress, do errands and generally do anything en-femme.  I've already shared this with my spouse and she's fine with it.  The edict was issued that if we are going to dress in the office, the outfit cannot be offensive to our co-workers or clients.  I don't think it'll be offensive to anyone but some may be taken aback by the sight of me, the first person our clients meet.  Do I buy make-up for this adventure?  The only thing I have is some nail varnish in various colors.  It'll be a good excuse to get a foundation, mascara and lipstick.  Or do I go for the natural look by skipping the make-up and breast forms. 
Why do I need to worry about this.... GIRL PROBLEMS!

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Bright red nails, finger and toes done up...out in the world.

I took my next step.  Friday afternoon, after work, I painted all my nails in a "fire engine red" and said that I wasn't going to remove the color until Monday morning.  We went out yesterday to pick up some online auction purchases and I was worried about how I'd be (I had brought the bottle of remover and two cotton balls as an emergency "out" if I couldn't handle it.) but after I started gathering our treasures I just did my thing and didn't think about my nails.  My very supportive spouse said that most people won't even notice and would be even less likely to comment because it be pretty rotten to call out someone in public.  I learned that our own biggest enemy, critic or fearmonger can be ourselves.

Friday, August 12, 2016

I made it!

I enjoyed my day out yesterday.  I cannot say whether anyone noticed the amazing color on my nails but if they did I was not aware of it.  I felt so confident.  My next trip out may involve me wearing a skirt and doing a bit of a gender blender thing.  I've got a knee length mini skirt that I like wearing.  The nice thing is I've worn it around our property many times and I'd say that from a distance, it looks like shorts.  Again, whether or not it has been noticed by people in the neighborhood is unknown.  I've thought about wearing this skirt and a men's shirt with my sandals.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Taking a public step! I'm excited.

I've painted all my nails; my toes are a brownish color called French Roast and my fingers are a nearly pink, glittery color called Intimate.  My spouse and I are going to the city and I've decided to not remove the colors.  Woo Hoo!

Monday, August 8, 2016

No "Shoulds" permitted!  In our home, we've come to learn that doing what another person says we "should" be doing is usually harmful to our own self.   Some of these are not so bad but when we have to give up a part of ones self to comply, then these expectations are unacceptable.  I am proud of me and I've worked hard doing what someone else expected me to do and I usually felt like I've given up a part of my being afterwards.  I try to live by my rules as much as possible.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

An idea

Here I am all worried about what the world will think if I'm in public dressed in clothing marketed to women but the realization hits me that I see women cross dressing all the time.  I'm thinking that if a genetic woman can wear her hair closely cropped, go in public wearing garments marketed toward men, not wearing jewelry or make-up and just look like a dude, why do I worry about being cross-dressed in public wearing all the things she has chosen not to wear?  I realize that women have fought a battle for equality for many years and I have the utmost respect for this but in the end I just want to be happy and comfortable with who I really am and not have to live with my internal identity battle on a daily basis.

Saturday and the persistent thoughts.

Hi again,
I've been deep in thought about what I'm going to do.  My very supportive spouse is asleep and I'm here in the living room.  I just want to spend my every moment in girl-mode but I am meeting new people today or tomorrow and I don't know if I'm ready to do that as a woman.  I'll surely be underdressed, wear my diamond stud earrings and may put on nail varnish.

Spouse and I talked last night about my circumstances.  I asked myself out loud why I just don't go to the city dressed?  It would be a great experience for me.  She suggested that I need to find people who share my interests but I'm not really social like that.  I have few real friends and living in this town that pretends to have moral and conservative values presents a challenge.  The few people at work are not really friend material (I'm the only male in an office of twenty-six).  This work environment presents a challenge of it's own.  I see the clothes that the women wear and wonder how I'd look in that skirt or dress and oh! how I'd love to wear those boots!  The policy of my employer is to not discriminate based on gender expression but we all know how people will talk behind someone's back when a person is "different."  For women, all the "don't be a distraction" type rules are in effect such as no spaghetti straps, nothing too revealing and so-on.  Men get to choose slacks and a collared shirt while women can wear a dress, blouse and skirt, pant suit or slacks and top. 

So what's a person to do?  Do I continue to be Heather when I'm home and while driving home from the city or do I just say "what the hell" and make the step by becoming Heather 24/7 knowing full well that the co-workers are going to snicker behind my back?  I'd love to go to the market dressed in my pretty skirt but spouse is worried about violence directed at me when I'm in public.  Knowing the hooligans in this town, it could be an issue but I also know that there are a few individuals like me in town.  I'm not really a fighter but if the need to defend myself arose, I'd certainly fight back. 

'til next time.


Thursday, August 4, 2016

Hello again.

I love to dress in clothing marketed to women! 

Until next time...


Hello again.

As I sit at my desk with my glistening nails, diamond studs in each ear and blue skirt with white blouse, I contemplate the decision to present myself publicly as a female.  I have a very supportive wife and my two adult daughters know my secret.  The reaction from them was a bit underwhelming, mostly a "meh" response but considering the way each of them seems to be an activist for equal rights, LGBTQA equality and stories shared on social media I expected some kind of acknowledgement.  On their last visit, I shared my secret of wearing clothes that match my inner identity and offered some of the clothes I had purchased from thrift stores but did not fit me.  They took a couple of sweaters and blouses from my collection.  Later that evening,  they decided that they were a bit too warm and I shared a couple of skirts and we went to look at the stars and moon through our telescope. 

In my small hometown and considering my current employment, it is not easy to be able to be dressed in public.  One of the issues is that the town is small and very conservative while another of my concerns is that I'm employed in a position in which forty to one hundred or more people come in daily.  This prospect makes me nervous to do something as simple as hold a garage sale with my wife, let alone moving about town en-femme.  I simply do not wish to have the customers served by my employer knowing where I live.  My spouse and I have joked that should we have a sale, I might be better off in girl mode.

On one of our recent trips, my wife asked my if I'd given myself a femme name that I used.  I told her I had not but in the late 90's, I had fancied the name Cyndi but I never used the name.  She offered a number of names but I told her that I would pick the first name she said.  I have adopted the name Heather for my femme self.  It was never a name I'd considered but it feels like a comfortable fit.

Until next time...


Sunday, July 17, 2016

Saturday and my dilemna

My wife and I were working in the garage, making way for some new treasures when her new found friend arrives.  At the time I was wearing a beige knee-length skirt and lace trimmed tank top.  I have "come out" to exactly four people in the real world; my ex-wife (when we were married), my current wife and my two adult daughters. 
I heard the car pull into the dirt driveway and was a bit panicked because I wasn't sure if I could handle being discovered.  I made my quick decision to wait behind the wall until I could slip out the side door of the garage unnoticed and run to kitchen door to change to boymode. 
Yes, I chickened out.  Every day when I'm at work.  I'm jealous of the women in blouse and skirt or a dress and long to be dressed just like them.  I try to spend all of my home time in a skirt or dress and if we choose to go out for fast food in the evening I usually will be fully dressed.  Why did I chicken out?  I think that part of it is that I don't want to jeopardize my wife's new friendship but I don't think the friend would really care what I'm wearing. 
Maybe I will overcome my worry and be comfortable in front of our friend but for now I remain a creature of the night.
Until next time...

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Hello world

I'm new to the blogging thing so I'll try not to ramble or babble too much. 

Here is a bit of insight on what I'm about.  I am a person who doesn't exactly match the genetic profile of my birth.  I was born male but prefer the clothing associated with the female human.  I will try to post regular updates of my mundane life.  I admit to living a fairly boring existence but with my choice of clothes and home location it can be an adventure worth sharing.