Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Naughty? Or Nice?

First up, two blog posts in one day? Yes there are!

Hello and greetings from Christmas Evening.

I had suggested to my wife yesterday to go for a drive today as we're not doing anything to celebrate the holiday.  At about 1:30 this afternoon we finally trundled out of the house and into our SUV.  We had decided to visit a nearby nature sanctuary/wildlife refuge.  I'd been there before on my motorcycle and explored some of the refuge about 3 summers ago. 

I think we drove just over sixty miles, probably twenty of them on dirt, gravel and mud road surfaces.  I had intended to wear my tights under a skirt but instead chose to wear nylons, comfy blue skirt and a camisole.   The best part is that my wife took photos of our adventure. I'm working on trying to upload one. Keeping anonymity with the photo is tough.  I will figure it out, soon.

The amazing part of our trip was seeing the amount of water there was in the desert.  We've had rain in the last few days so it is not surprising to see run-off but to have seen huge areas covered with water was pretty amazing.  If we didn't have a body of water 100' along the road at both sides, I'd be shocked. 

The first part of the drive, heading out of town, we had three cars following us. Once I hit the dirt, there were no other cars until we hit the "main" road into the refuge.  I think we saw four other vehicles and then nothing until we got back on pavement.  With so little traffic, a straight road, clear line of sight, it may make for a interesting place to take more photos in the future.  Maybe, just maybe I'll bring more than one outfit next time. I've always wanted to be a bit naughty!

Heading back to town it was close to dinner time.  I chickened out, I admit it.  I ditched the skirt and put pants on to go into the Chinese restaurant but wore a lilac top, festive nails and dangling earrings.

Have a great night,


Merry Christmas to my friends

On this Christmas day, I hope you find peace, joy and happiness. Remember that the spirit inside you is much more important than any material gifts.

I'm hoping to be able to have a full day as Heather with two more over the weekend. The past weekend was nice even though we didn't "do" anything. I had no outside obligations and did my nails in a festive, alternative red and green pattern, wore my new tights, a knit top and cute skirt. I was beyond comfortable.

Monday mornings always make me wonder why I've not just come out to the world.  I feel a sense that I'm letting myself down by not being true to me all the time.  I've expressed this before.  My employer is progressive and bars discrimination against any gender expression. I just need to be me. 

Skipping back two paragraphs, I liked my nails so much... I got up, fed the cat, changed out of my nightgown and into a top and leggings to get the morning newspaper and then painted my nails in the same alternating red and green pattern!  I almost kept my nails painted Monday morning. Coulda, woulda, shoulda...  It's going to be a crossdressed Christmas in my house. 

I love to wear my leggings! I think I have four pair. Three black and one grey, two from Costco that are almost like tights/nylons. Super form fitting and relatively thin. The other two are more like knit pants. I love how they feel and think they really make my legs look terrific.   Just more ramblings.... Blabbering about nails and leggings? Yep! I have 45 years of Heather that didn't get to express herself and sometimes she's just easily distracted by shiny things.

Back to the original thought,
Merry Christmas.

Love to all, peace to everyone and thank you for visiting my blog.


Sunday, December 22, 2019

Hello everyone.

In the days since my last update, I've been busy. Work's been busy. For the first time, I've been asked to work overtime!  My family has been busy. My parents have been a handful for my older sister. I have felt like my days have been non-stop. My spouse has been struggling with physical and emotional health issues. I have the job and the responsibility to keep the house running. I'm not complaining, just expressing the facts. I love my wife dearly and I respect her limitations and she respects the challenges faced by me and supports me. I'm thinking I need another vacation!

On "Black Friday" I visited the L'eggs, Hanes, Bali website and checked out the specials. I've discovered the glory of tights. For the first time, I read the sizing instructions for legwear. Being a bigger person, I chose a size 3x "blackout" tights and absolutely love them and the way they fit.  I've worn nylons before, but these things are amazing. So much more comfortable than anything before. On my wish list will be more of these.

It's been cold and I've not had a chance to go outside but am looking forward to spending a day out within the next week. I don't know what kind of activity I'll enjoy but Heather is going out, and soon! With the tights, a nice skirt, I look nice. 

The new year is almost upon us. We see the promise of the future while having a chance to reflect on the previous months.  A close family member "came out" a year ago and now she's told us that she has a person with whom she'd like to share her life. 

We all must make the most of our days and consider the choices we make on a daily basis. How we present ourselves to our communities, the values we share, the ideals we embrace and who we support/stand behind/stand alongside.  I won't be preachy or too vocal in this forum. I reserve that for other outlets.  But please consider the choices you make. Whether it's a decision to actively recycle, supporting local businesses or putting your support behind the right causes and candidates

I'll say it again, in the coming year I hope to have more opportunity for Heather to be in public. With the "I'm thinking I need another vacation" comment, I really think Heather needs to visit her parents. Traveling is a bit scary but I think I reeeeallllly need to make it happen.

Thanks for stopping in. Sorry if I'm all over the map with my thoughts.

If you celebrate, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Joyous Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa. Happy Solstice. Happy Yule. If I missed your chosen celebration, my wishes are with you!

Peace, joy and love to all,


Thursday, October 31, 2019

Another Halloween in the books.

9:30 pm Halloween night, we just finished dinner.  It's been a long day.  The office had a potluck today, I brought a cake.  I didn't prepare my look and outfit as well as I'd liked but I think I did well.  Apparently, we've got a bit of a flu bug making a tour around the office and 3 or 4 of 20 were out sick today so we didn't have many of the women dressed for the big day. I kept my part of the deal by dressing as a mix of Blanche and Dorothy and E played the part of Rose. We had a Grinch and a couple of people wore tops with Jack O Lanterns.  J told me that I should just wear skirts every day...  We did Trunk or Treat from 6 to 8, well we went until we were out of candy and sat in a cold van for a while until we were able to safely drive away.  No going out for dinner, no going to the casino or winning the big prize.  I was tired, we were tired, and cold.

Between getting a couple slices of pumpkin pie and putting semi coherent thoughts to this blog, I'm thinking that it is time to go to bed.  The furnace is on. A warm bed is calling.

Good night, Moon!

Thanks for stopping by and...

Happy Halloween!


Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Two days 'til Heather goes to work

Halloween is getting closer. The excitement and nervousness are building. 

My first year and second years, I was the first employee our customers saw when they came into the office.  It was fun.  I don't recall anyone speaking ill of me, directly.  Last year I was behind the scenes and didn't really have much contact with customers in the office.  For 2019, I'm going to be up front again!  I'm going to love the contact with everyone. I always have a smile on my face and in my voice when dealing with our customers.  I don't know how many co-workers are playing along. One of the women has a serious medical issue and won't be in, another is a party pooper and my "partner in crime" will be dressed in some kind of non standard work outfit.  I'm begging her to be a "Golden Girl" with me!

I've shown most of the women in the office the photo of my outfit. One woman even cancelled her day off because she wanted to be there for Halloween!  My skirt suit is washed and only needs to be pressed to be ready for the big day. 

We're also doing the "trunk or treat" again.  This year, it will be from 6 - 8 pm.  I'm going to be a bit chilly but it will be SOOOOO worth it.

Talk to y'all later


Saturday, October 19, 2019

Three quick bits. Quick? LOL!

Shopping for the outfit.  When we went to the Renaissance Fair, we were also supposed to find something to wear to work on Halloween.  The timing wasn't right and I chose to only do the fair with the daughters.  I had to go to the city again on Sunday and I knew that there would be plenty of time to find something.  I had laid out a plan to check out Kohls, Dress Barn and Target.  I tossed those plans in the bin and went to a Savers store near the house of my daughters.  I hadn't been successful lately finding anything I like at that location but gave it a go, just in case there was some spectacular outfit for our group "Golden Girls" plan.

I found a couple of interesting tops, a nice "peasant skirt," and a pretty floral dress.  All had the right "look" but none were perfect.  There was a nice velour top with an attached beaded blazer in the formal aisle but I was not able to match it to a skirt.  I'd settled on the idea of the dress with a blazer over it.  Then I found a two-piece yellow suit, short sleeve blazer and very pleated skirt.  New with tags, even!  Huge shoulder pads, too!  Perfect for a late 80's early 90's old lady look!  My only concern is that I'm going to look like Big Bird.  I'll need to get stockings or something for my legs and maybe a sheer blouse for under the blazer.  I bought the pretty floral dress, it's even reversible. 

After doing the necessary errands, I went back to see my daughters and their Mom.  I'd replaced my shoes with sandals after the temperature climbed and still have my toenails painted from the Ren Fair.  My ex asks who does my nails. Me. It's all me.  I haven't had a professional mani-pedi since 1989.  She was saying that her boyfriend has nasty toenails. (Without paint, my big toes aren't great.) I told her that we need to schedule a spa day for the bunch of us.  Now to get him onboard with the plan.  I then went on to tell her about the three saucy wenches at the Ren Fair.  She loved the way the three of us looked.

On the way home, I called Mom and Dad.  Mostly to say hello but also to tell them about seeing the daughters.  We chatted for a while and I told them about attending the Ren Fair, ALL about the Ren Fair.  They were once again impressed with my ability to be Heather.

I've also told the women at work about the yellow skirt suit.  The "Golden Girls" is publicly known so I had to brag that I've already got my Halloween outfit.  One co-worker said she thinks I enjoy buying women's clothing more than anything.  She does have a point but I'd rather wear them than buy them.

I have a feeling my "big secret" is not so much of a secret.

Have a great day and thanks for visiting,


Monday, October 14, 2019

3 Saucy Wenches at the Renaissance Fair

We went to the fair and I've spent my second day dressed in public within two weeks.  Life is good.

The original plan for Saturday was to spend a couple of hours finding something to wear for Halloween with one daughter and then pick up the other daughter and go to the fair.  Reality is always different from the plan.  I left about 30 minutes later than I'd planned and learned while driving that both daughters were interested in going shopping.  I arrive at their home to find that reality is always different from the plan!  They weren't quite ready and once they were, we decided to just head to the fair.  I'll update later about shopping for the Halloween outfit.  It's pretty great!

When daughter 2 and I went to Pirate Fest last year, I never felt comfortable with myself.  Because of that, I kept my large hat low and covering my face.  After finding self-confidence in Provincetown, I had no problem feeling comfortable.  I wore my hat over a long bandana to keep the sun off my head but it never was covering my face nor did I walk with my head held low.  After the sun was lower in the sky, I removed the hat and just wore my bandana. 

We strolled the fair for about six hours.  In that time, we: met up with friends of both daughters, enjoyed a picnic lunch and visited many of the merchants.  The other attendees were dressed in clothes ranging from average street clothes to elaborate Renaissance garb to Highland garb to Pirate to Anime to CosPlay to Furry to almost nothing.  "Almost nothing" woman was wearing a chainmail bikini with a single "string" of chain in back. 

Walking through to fair, I saw some people who I think may have been participating in the cross-play as I was.  Their choices of attire were pretty amazing.  Kind of a SteamPunk look in black with the trenchcoat and so-high heeled boots.  Another was just in a medieval style peasant dress.

Our day was well spent at the fair.  Three saucy wenches were out and about.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my story!


Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Saturday, 10/12/19 Las Vegas Renaissance Fair

Hello all,

In spring of 2018 one of my daughters and I went to the Las Vegas Pirate Fest.  Just two women, at an anachronistic and silly event.  It was my first time attending Pirate Fest and we enjoyed ourselves. I learned about potatoes!

This coming Saturday is the Las Vegas Ren Fair.  We've been many times and I'm hoping to attend again with my daughter(s).  Although I've never been to the Ren Fair as Heather I've seen people like me there.  After spending my days in Provincetown, I'm feeling much more comfortable in the world and the Ren Fair is a welcoming community of "players."

I'm hoping to be able to get there this Saturday and if I do, I'll share my story.


October 11 is National Coming Out Day

Hi again,

From the headline you may have an idea of this post's theme.

You're partially correct if you think I've shared my gender concept with someone.  I recently spent a week with my parents and sister.  They are somewhat aware of my Halloween exploits.  I told my Mom and Dad ALL about my experience from Halloween 2018.  From the shopping trip to buy the dress, going to the supermarket before work, the boss telling me I'd earn her respect if I managed to wear my heels for the entire day, the "trunk or treat" and handing candy to hundreds of kids, going to a friend's office and helping her, dinner out and winning second place in a costume contest.  Last year when I told them, I held back the best part of my tale.  I told my parents that because I was so busy with all the work we did last Halloween, I missed out on my chance to early vote as Heather and that It really was a disappointment.  I told them how I raced home from work the next day so I could change out of my work clothes and into the same clothes I'd worn the previous day to cast my ballot!  My parents told me that they thought I really pulled off my look well.  Also told me that they were impressed that I was confident enough to do it.  I threatened to bring Heather next time I visit.

Thank you for stopping by!


Sunday, October 6, 2019

I went back home and now I'm, Home?

Happy Sunday to everyone.

My whirlwind visit to see my parents and sister in Massachusetts is over.  I've returned to the desert of Nevada.
If you're reading this, I'm not sharing it on the "big" social media sites because aside from the people mentioned above, I never let anyone know I was coming. Lifelong friends, uncles, aunts, cousins? Nope!

It was a nice visit.

To travel, I didn't wear a dress or skirt to fly but for my flight to Bradley Airport from Vegas, I was in the correct clothes.  I wore a pair of women's XL tan shorts, a green, lace trimmed sleeveless top with a blouse over it, padded bra with "D" size breastforms, sterling turtle post earrings and my newer heeled sandals.  When I went through security in Vegas, my carryon was set aside for additional inspection.  The inspector said the "newbie" on the scanner probably had never seen CD's before.  Like, compact discs.  She then went on to say that in Vegas they see everything as there "adult" conventions in town.  If anyone looked at me, I was obvious for what I am.  I am not ashamed of who and what I am!  Part of my daily wardrobe is a bra and breastforms and I didn't skip any days out there.  I'd slept in a sleeveless cotton nightgown and when I'd get up, I'd change into an oversized tee and leggings.  I really should have worn the leggings more!  They would have been nice on the Cape!

Last year's trip was filled with seeing new sights and sites, exploring old favorites and keeping the parents busy.  We explored Hartford and Boston and walked for miles.

This year, my sister and I had agreed that we needed to have a "sit down" with our parents to find out about their "plans" for things when their time comes.  It was something we'd been dreading and we feared that they'd be unwilling to share personal and financial details but we were wrong.  The meeting was mostly positive.  I don't know if they're willing to take some of the steps we think are necessary, like setting up a trust or a durable power of attorney, though.

All considered it was a nice visit but that does not touch on the real winning portion of the vacation.  On Tuesday I ventured to Cape Cod for an overnight stay.  Look out world, Heather's on the move!  I was going to do the whole thing "pretty" but the weather was not real nice so my top half was pretty and the bottom half was drab aside from my sandals!

The drive from Western Mass to the motel in Eastham was uneventful.  I'd arrived just after the 3:00 pm check-in time and the owner was about to leave to get his kids from school and had left the room key on the front door of the office.  I try to support local and family owned businesses when possible.  The place was empty, two other guests.  It pays to travel off-season! 

After unloading the car, setting my belongings in the room and sitting for a short time to gather my wits I decided to start my exploration of Provincetown.  The weather was damp and a light rain was falling so I again decided to keep the drab on the bottom and wore dangling bead earrings, a tight green tee shirt with a zippered fleece jacket over, it was never zipped.  It was SO humid, I was almost too warm.  It is hard to present yourself with grace and dignity when it seems to be 100% humidity.

I walked along bustling Commercial Street to see what was there.  I didn't go into any shops or stores aside from the Marine Specialties shop.  This was one thing I wanted to see because I remember going there with my parents when I was little.  I also remember begging them to get me a rubber boat to use at the beach near where we vacationed in Brewster.  I never got a rubber boat.  I bought some postcards and small gifts for the family but didn't see anything I "needed" enough to buy and tote back to the desert.  After spending a couple hours looking at the crazy stuff in that store, I was getting hungry.  I walked up and down Commercial Street (which was no longer filled with pedestrian and bicycle traffic) trying to decide what I'd eat.  I'd made the mistake of calling my wife and she was distracted by all places I could visit and really not being helpful in making an informed decision for my dinner.

I finally chose to eat at the Lobster Pot.  It was a good choice.  Certainly more than I'm used to spending for a meal but when you're on vacation, you're not bothered by splurging. 

So.... about the Lobster Pot.  I walk in and the maĆ®tre d' greets me by saying "Welcome back."  Um.... thank you? I replied.  I proceeded to the hostess station get seated.  My server comes over and says to me, "welcome back.  You were here on Sunday, weren't you?"  I replied, "Nope, I haven't been to P-town since the late 70's or early 80's."  Heather clearly has a twin who visited P-town on September 29th.

After dinner, P-Town is sleepy.  I'm not into the "lifestyle" of partying, clubs and loud music so I get back to the car and drive around town.  I go to Race Point to watch the lights and the stars and after a while head back to the motel using Rt 6A. 

Wednesday morning I slept in, make the "room coffee" and choke it down wondering why there's never enough sugar and creamer for a real person?  Check out is 11:00 a.m. I'm gone by 10:30, on the road back toward P-Town!  I stop along the way at Coast Guard beach.  Since it's now raining I go with the drab bottom, nice top once again.  I stop at the edge of the road because the few spaces are filled and sit watching the ocean for about five minutes.  Two cars decide to leave and I pull up and get out.  A woman with a Subaru walks over and strikes up a conversation about my rental Subaru asking if I like it or have battery problems?  We chatted for probably ten minutes and we went our separate ways, me to the beach and her waiting for her gentleman companion.  The beach is deserted aside from people about a half mile away and the "gentleman companion" who is using a metal detector to search for treasure.  Next, I wanted to see a lighthouse so I went to Highland Light.

The weather cleared up, the rain stopped again and I pulled on the maxi-dress I'd brought to wear to P-Town.  It took some work to take the steps involved in getting out of the car but I did it!  My motivating affirmation was "if you don't get out of the car in Provincetown, you'll never do it anywhere!"  I went into the first store I saw and struck up a conversation, it was a women's clothing store.  I would have gotten a top or skirt but I'm bigger than the store's target market.  The woman clerk was pleasant.  We shared a great conversation about the differences between native foods of her Himalayan homeland and the US. 

I visited many shops including the Human Rights Campaign store.  The clerk and I spoke about me being out and "out."  They were aware of Western Mass and spent time in Northampton which is not far from my hometown.  At the Provincetown Tourism office, I once again was greeted with a "Welcome back!"  It really is unnerving in a way, I hope she's a good person and not some kind of jerk giving my Heather a bad name.  After talking with the representative, Tag, about our journeys in life.  His from the deep south where it isn't easy to be a gay man and mine to accepted as Heather for what seemed like a half an hour I was on my way again.  In search of food.  I had not eaten breakfast so I went into an ice cream/pizza shop for a slice.  I think it was the only place I was greeted as "sir."  I'd have thought the dress was a strong enough indicator.  Well, we can't win them all. 

I'd be remiss to not describe my attire for the flight home.  Since it was cold there I wore jeans, my sandals, a short sleeve shirt, an almost sheer white top with a maroon camisole under and a black bra/"D" forms beneath.  Going through security at Bradley Airport, my many clothing layers and forms prompted the screener to give me a "pat down."  Same as last year, I had a TSA guy poke my breast.

Now that I've had this P-Town experience, I'm thinking about events I can attend.  Soon, Diva Las Vegas will be here and a year from now Fantasia Fair will be back.  Maybe, I'll take a real vacation next year and try Fantasia Fair 2020. 

Again, all considered it was a great visit to the Best Coast.

Thanks for reading my latest update.


Wednesday, September 25, 2019

The excitement is building.

Good morning, friends!

In just a couple of days, I'll be heading out to the airport for a week in Massachusetts. 

The hard thing will be packing for two... Heather's clothes and accessories will fit into a small bag and the drab clothes will fit into another bag.  I'm mentally assembling the clothes for the flights, I can't promise that I'll be fully flying pretty but my outfit will be more Heather than him.  We'll see how it pans out.

I'm to a point that I just wish to be myself. Heather is me, I'm no longer him and I feel that I'm taking the effort to live as I need to for MY own best interests. 

I'm excited, beyond words, for Heather's vacation.  I have some tourist spots I'm planning on seeing, places I remember from my childhood. I also have gotten a Mass Pike transponder so I don't have to rent one and pay the exorbitant fees from the rental car company. 

Time for me to go to work.



Sunday, September 22, 2019

Sunday greetings

In one short week I'll once again travel to visit my parents and sister on the east coast.

This will be the first time I've set aside time for myself on one of these vacations. Usually I run the old folks ragged.  Last year I dragged my sister and 80 year old parents around Boston, we walked over 8 miles and did all the tourist things like the State Capital and walked the Freedom Trail.  The day before that we went to Hartford and toured the Old State House and Capital building. 

I had wanted to visit Cape Cod on my last trip but felt guilty spending time away from the family. I told them and they were supportive last year but I feared that Cape would be to busy in late July.

My daughters felt like they were responsible for my inability to go last year but I emphatically told them that I was fully responsible for not seeing the Cape in 2018.

Since I'm going "off season" I figured that I'll have a better experience and will have lower rates for a room and I took the plunge.  I looked online at the different sites offering accommodations, from my airline Southwest, the Fantasia Fair site to Yelp and Expedia. I found a place in Eastham which is supposed to be a family owned motor inn.  I don't know how open minded this motel will be but after looking at the Fantasia Fair "recommended" lodging list, it is far less expensive per night.   I wasn't keen on getting a room where there was a shared bathroom or shared accommodation.  Bottom line, Heather is not going there to "hook up" or let my freak flag fly, Heather is going to Cape Cod for a much needed vacation.

I fully intend to spend the better part of two days in full Heather mode.  On my Cape Cod to do list is exploring Provincetown.  The last time I was there was probably when I was around 14, traveling with my parents.  I will try to stop at the Cape Cod National Seashore, too.  Hyannis might be a stop along the way and hopefully I'll be able to find some interesting shops to browse.  I have fond memories of all the times we vacationed there. 


Sunday, April 21, 2019

April 21. Just babbling and rambling.

To be reborn?
I am taking the time to think about how I wish to redefine myself.

Every day I look to bring myself closer to living my dream. My life is pretty good and any time I'm "out and about," I'm pushing my boundaries. I wear lingerie under my clothes every day. The bra cups hold my breastforms either an "A" or a "C" size. The C's offer a great enhancement and depending on my choice of bra, they can even bounce or jiggle when I walk.  Yesterday was a C cup day. My Monday through Friday work routine is filled with the A cups.

I drove into Las Vegas yesterday and discovered a clearance sale at Big Lots. All of their undergarments were on sale. Heather needs new bras and instead of getting a hanger with two bras for $10, they were half price. I had to go to two different stores to find another product (granola bars!) and splurged on six new bras. I also went to Costco where they had a new line of bras, priced at 2 for $12.99. I have bought leggings from Costco and know the quality is pretty good with a generous return policy. The leggings have lasted for almost three years so I'm hoping that their bras are as good. I know that the Big Lots bras are not really made to last. If I'm able to wear them for a full season before the elasticity is gone, I'm satisfied.  This morning I washed all of my new bras and it looked like Easter Eggs hanging in the laundry room.

I've started looking into the steps to legally change my name. I know that my state says that on my official ID it is possible to just change the listed gender without requiring submission of any medical documentation.  This will be happening in the future! I'm also going to further research a name change. I can't say how far I'll take my change, in medical terms, but I acknowledge my interest in breast surgery. I'd like to not need to wear inserts every day to fill my cups. I have many questions about making permanent changes and I surely need to contact a counselor or medical professional to make an educated decision.

As always,
thanks for reading my goofy blog.


Thursday, January 31, 2019

January thirty-first?

We've survived the first month of 2019.  I'm looking forward to some great things happening this year. 

I hear there's a big football game coming Sunday. I'd love to go to the party as I am but I don't think it would go over well.  Brady will be the oldest quarterback to start and the head coach for the Rams is the youngest to ever appear in the final game of the season.

Hope you're all doing great.