Hi,
I'm here in this space and if you're reading this, thanks for joining me.
My answer to the above question will be "continue moving forward and living in our truth."
I have no interest in shutting down the life I've created. I hope you answer the same way. If marginalized communities give in to the powerful, we admit that we're weak. I'm sixty years old. I've seen stuff in my lifetime. I've seen and heard things that deeply offend me. I've experienced things that deeply offend me and scare me. Admittedly I look back at my life and wonder about some of the things I've done, wondering "what made me do that? I've made mistakes. Learning and growing smarter. I've become enlightened as I move along this path of life. I'll never be perfect but I now try to hold myself to a high standard and make sure to not let bad thoughts control my actions.
My trip along the path of self-discovery has been pretty good but I wish I'd better embraced Heather (or Cyndi) a quarter century ago when I first was exploring my gender identity. Procrastinating, fear and 20/20 hindsight are a pain but here I am living openly in this space for more than three years. Cyndi was the first name I gave myself back in the olden days but aside from random postings on the late '90s interned boards I never shared it with others
In the nineties I knew what I wanted. I enjoyed wearing female clothing. There were times I would paint my toenails and wear shoes and socks in Vegas, in summer. I'd wear a bra under my shirt or pantyhose beneath my jeans. She was aware of what I'd wear under my clothes and my preference. Once I told her, I didn't hide it but the kids didn't know. Heck, I had a red fishnet body stocking I'd wear that under my work clothes for a full shift in a manufacturing plant. I don't think my wife at the time ever knew about that one though.
For three years I've been trying to live openly but there are people I haven't told and places that it's easier to not be openly transgendered. One of my 2025 goals was to share more of my authentic self publicly. My social media page still has my profile showing me in a skirt. My family, friends and the public see that image when my profile is clicked yet many of the family members and friends on that page only know/know of the male persona in real life.
The most important message I want to share is that if you're breathing it's never too late to take the step to live authentically. I regret not doing more in the late nineties, but I'll never regret taking the step three years ago. I'm a bit jealous of the modern generations who embrace their sense of style and place but I'm also glad for them being real.
Enough with the past... In 2026 I'd like to be creative. I'd like to make something tangible. I have a couple of crazy ideas that I'd like to explore for the Faire season. I'd like to create a look or outfit of my own. Something to wear for Pirate Fest or Renaissance Faire. "Art clothing" like something inspired by these Instagram pages but it'll be my own idea, design and creation. What made me think of this was seeing someone posting "art bras" that they'd designed. The fun thing about Renaissance Faire is that there are all sorts of time periods represented and the idea I have is certainly 20th century inspired and it will be awesome (or silly) if I can make it happen. I'd also like to try to make actual clothing for myself. I think it would be nice to be able to put my name on a something as "my own." I feel I've lost connection with my creative side and need to do something to change this. If I'm able to make this happen, I'll share it here.
Happy Solstice to all who celebrate!
I hope to post again before the 25th.
Thanks for being here.
Heather
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