Life

Working with the public, I see lots of people in our office every day.  I basically am the greeter/reception person for the office.  Today, a male person who presents as a female came to the office.  I'm both jealous and upset by them.  Damn, I wish I had the strength of character to live in "small town America" as a woman but I would do everything in my power to put my best foot forward and present myself as the best woman I could be.  They didn't...

I almost want to take them aside and have a "girl to girl" talk about having the guts to just live it.

I also had to mention to the women in the office that I pulled the look off better when I dressed for Halloween.

'til next time.

Heather

Thanks Mom!

I love my Mom. 

Last time I visited my parent's house, the thing that surprised me most was the new photo on their fridge.  It was a picture of me.  Dressed for work on Halloween. 

It made me feel great.

I wonder if they have any idea that I spend most of my time dressed in women's clothing?  I have a strong desire to tell them.  My spouse has suggested that it is a bad idea.  Why tell them something that may upset them?  Yes, good point but my counter point is: this is me.  I am not ashamed of who I am.  I want to be honest about myself.  I've had to hide a part of myself for fifty years.  I don't want to hide any more.  If I had the means, I would do so much more to make my life as Heather a full time reality. 

Happy Mom's day.

Direction...or lack of?

I've been able realize the dream of wearing women's clothing for about a year and a half.  On a daily basis, I will be "underdressed" by wearing some type of knickers bra and breastforms under my male office wear.  On drives to the city, I have been pushing the envelope by wearing a blouse and the larger breasforms and sometimes have my nails painted.  Almost every drive back from the city is made fully en-femme.

Here's the dilemma.  I am struggling with a desire to be more like a woman on a daily basis.  I constantly think about more permanent changes such as breast implants, hormones and possibly re-assignment surgery.  When I am dressed as a woman, things about me just seem to be perfect.  There are two things that stand in my way. 

1.)  The permanence of a sex change is scary and I know this is why counseling is recommended prior to making a permanent change.  The thought of losing my most masculine traits holds both intrigue and fear.  Sexually, I am not interested in fathering children but I cannot deny I'll miss the pleasure of climax.  Admittedly, I 've never researched what kind of sensations a person experiences after having re-assignment surgery. 

2.)  Financial.  There is just no extra money in my life to shell out thousands for something that is both elective and selfish.  I have not looked into the health insurance plan's coverage for something like this but if it is anything like having three warts and two moles removed, I'll be paying for it out of pocket.

Wearing my breastforms, I feel complete.  I feel right.  The weight of them and the way they move when I move is perfection.  Wearing a lightweight top, underwire bra filled with my breastforms and a favorite skirt gives me a confidence I've never felt as a male.  Even if I stated that I'm apprehensive of re-assignment surgery, I'd get breast implants.  It would be great to not have fake ones stuck to my chest in the heat of summer.
I don't wish to be alluring to others.  I don't wish to be sexually attractive to others.  I just want to be happy.  I want to be me, however I wish to present myself to the world, let me be me. 


Thanks for visiting.

Heather

Wedding idea.

I have three children.  My wife and two daughters know about my choice of clothing.  My ex-wife knew also but it was not a factor in the divorce and we haven't spoken of it since before the divorce.  My son will be married in the coming months.  When we received the announcement, I said to my wife "I guess I'll need to get a dress for the wedding."  She chuckled.  I made the same comment to my daughters but received no reaction.  Damn millennials! Unless something radically changed in my life, I wouldn't do it because I want the day to be about the awesome couple, not me.  But I may make the 16 hour car trip en-femme. 

Hello to the world. long time since I checked in...

I traveled east to see my family.  I didn't have the pleasure of traveling en-femme but on my return trip, I did wear a bra with cloth padding under my shirt.  Flying out of Vegas was bad because there had been a winter storm the night before and the pilot wanted the plane de-iced.  Waited two hours in the plane to leave.  Missed my connection in Detroit because the Las Vegas de-icing crew did not wish to work.

The real news is that today was a bit of a milestone for me.  I made the choice to wear all female clothes for a trip to the city.  Dangling earrings, painted nails, open toed sandals and my padded bra with breastforms, nice striped blouse and tan velour pants.  I cannot deny that I felt a bit of worry throughout the day but I made it.  I had to engage people at three different stores, too.  I know that this is just the beginning!

Next trip, I'm wearing the skirt!

Heather