Yup, I've not posted since August.
Things. You know.
Just... Things.
85 years, my Mom lived 85 years and two weeks.
I spent three weeks back east.
My birthday morning, I had a text message from a lifelong friend asking if I was aware that an ambulance was dispatched to my family's home. It was the first word I'd had that something was bad. Mom had been having a hard getting rest and not eating well. I contacted my sister who told me that Mom seemed to be doing okay after getting to the hospital. Ultimately we'd later learn that on the morning that Mom was taken to the hospital she'd had a heart attack overnight and an abdominal mass was later discovered. She spoke to the doctors about wanting to live and was prepped for surgery to address the mass. It was bad. Worse than anyone had expected. Wednesday afternoon, Mom and my sister sang a birthday greeting to me. I never expected for that to be the last time I'd hear Mom's voice. She went to surgery Thursday or Friday (it's a blur). I made arrangements to travel, arriving Friday evening. Surgery found that there was a cancerous mass that had attached to and constricted her internal organs. They took what they could but the mass was too aggressive. Mom was on a ventilator and all types of meds to force her heart to beat to maintain blood pressure. She was heavily sedated but was able to give feedback by squeezing our hand or wrinkling her forehead. She had previously expressed that she had no desire to live connected to machines in a vegetative state. She passed peacefully late Sunday night, five days after being taken in the ambulance.
My Dad's short term memory is gone. He has no concept of what happened yesterday or this morning or a few minutes ago. During the three weeks I'd stayed at the house, there were a couple of nights where Dad would knock at my bedroom door and ask where Mom was... There were evenings that I'd have to remind Dad that Mom's gone.. It's heartbreaking. Almost like living in the movie "Fifty first dates" or 'Groundhog Day." Having to relive the experience of telling Dad that his wife of 64 years is gone... Doing this over and over and over. Sometimes, multiple times per day. Still happens, He called a couple nights ago.
And by now you're asking if he's been diagnosed with any medical or brain condition. No,he hasn't. I think Mom and my sister were too proud to be frank with the doctors. I can't say what was discussed with the most recent doctor visit that happened this week. I haven't had a chance to go over it with my sister.
I think I'm going to move across the continent to take care of Dad. My sister has been taking care of both parents, nearly every day for at least five years. She retired last year and hasn't had a chance to have time off.
There are some good things that have happened from losing Mom. While I was at the house, I told him about my gender identity. I openly dressed in female type clothing around the house and a couple of times when we'd gone out. Really, there is nothing good about losing Mom. Nothing.
I'll add to this story later. This has been a long week. I've been back home for two weeks and it's been non-stop.
Remember to call your loved ones, someday they won't be there and you'll wish they were able to answer your phone call.
Heather.
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