Friday, August 25, 2023

Regarding coming out...

I think I've discovered freedom. I don't have to hide. I don't have to feel like a part of me is locked away. I feel that a weight has been lifted from my back. Has that weight been replaced by breast forms on my chest?   I'm happier. I feel better about myself.  Sure, there are times when life irritates me. This is 2023, our world is still filled with people who are intolerant but how we navigate our daily lives is really what defines us and what defines trans people in the eyes of others. Aside from 2/3 of my kids and ex wife, I still have not come out to any of my other family members. Mom probably suspects since she's seen me in person and I always share photos of my exploits at drag queen bingo and Halloween.  Dad won't remember what I told him five minutes ago.  Also, I haven't come out on Facebook.  I'm thinking it may be time to do that on October 11.  It'll be iconic to do so on National Coming Out Day.

I saw a friend Wednesday for the first time in at least a year. Debbie jumped right on the correct pronouns. I was thrilled! It felt good to see someone you've known for years and be accepted. Again, how we're perceived in the eyes of others...  My presentation isn't perfect. I wear the best clothing I can get and afford. I know I need to work on my makeup skills. My hair sometimes looks like I've run a marathon. It's life, what do we do? 

It's still 2023 and only yesterday a person replied to me on Facebook using a derogatory slur often implying a gay male. The offending character's Facebook profile shows how "they kneel for the cross" and also "stand with trump." I'm neither a gay male nor am I, using the British meaning, a bundle of sticks. I'm married and have three kids. Not to imply that gay men have never married women or fathered children but lumping any person into a category just to insult them is simply ignorant.  The brilliant Facebook user also shows his employer in his Facebook profile and whether it helps me or not I messaged that employer with links to the comments made by their employee and screenshots to support the link in case they're pulled by Facebook. Just another day, 2023.

Last week, I had another "first."  I went to a doctor as Heather. Not my primary doctor, it was a first visit to an ENT.  Backstory: a couple years ago I'd started seeing an ENT and had been told to come back after getting my blood pressure under control.  It took a few months to get into my primary doctor, change meds and find the right prescription after discovering a side effect of the first drug. Late last year we got a message from that first ENT that they're retiring and I'd need to find a different doctor. So we waited until my annual visit with my primary doctor and got a referral to this new one. Yay, starting over. So I went to this doctor last week.  I decided that since there's a clean slate, she's going to see the real me.  I check-in, fill out forms, wait and wait some more... They call me to the back, my wife and I go through the door and sit... A few minutes later the doctor comes out and calls my "other" name but doesn't realize that the woman in a pink cap, black skort and well filled tee shirt who had replied is the guy she's calling.  It took her a couple seconds for it to click.  She asked a couple questions about whether I'd had any medical changes done, drugs or hormones and asked if this was real or a gag.  I explained that it's real and I'm happy.   She was cool with my answer and the first visit was perfectly pleasant and welcoming.  Again, starting over.  I have a deviated septum, serious blockage in my nasal cavities (70 & 80% blocked), sleep apnea, probable allergies to cats and dogs, recommended a sleep study and nasal sprays and follow-ups.  Before this, the closest I've been to seeing a doctor as Heather was last November when we went to a specialist for my wife's edema.  I was dressed androgynously: leggings, tee-shirt and smaller breast forms.  

Have a great Friday and an amazing weekend!


No comments:

Post a Comment