Big step Friday. Another FIRST.*

 Hello everyone,

Tonight, I'm going to a support group meet up with my youngest kid. I've known about the place for years and have recommended them to attend. We wanted to go but never had it happen. Tomorrow night will be my first visit and the offspring's third visit. I took off from work a bit early so I can make the trek into the city. Apparently there are people ranging in age from about 16 to around my age. I'm excited to see how this works and of course I'll share the experience.

* Full disclosure,.. Yeah, back in the late nineties I went to a couple Tri ESS meetings.  One or two at a private home and one at a LGBTQIA bar. I don't remember much about them, I just remember being uncomfortable. The gurls were nice and friendly enough but I was way out of my element and out of place since I was probably at least 20 years younger than everyone else in attendance. Most of the gurls in attendance were probably my current age... nearly 30 years ago. I think the chapter head was Michelle.  Does Tri Ess still exist? I haven't looked for them in a bunch of years. Yes... triess.org still is there. Looking at the Tri Ess website and a basic internet search doesn't show a southern Nevada chapter. We always need community and sisterhood. Hopefully the world will remember that we're all people and stop treating us like monsters.

A coworker was talking about gender issues with me. You can tell she watches fox news, unfortunate as it is because she mentions the hot button topics that are usually in the news: Sports, Bathrooms, the advantage some transgender folks supposedly enjoy in society. I remind her that our population is a relatively small percentage of overall society and that we sometimes just need to pee but hostilities against our sisters both cisgender, transgender and non-binary have made it unsafe to use a toilet. I've also told her that we don't choose to endure the stress of feeling like we're in the wrong body. It would really be much easier if people could just exist without being judged.

Living in society is easy most of the time as Heather. The hardest part is getting past my own barriers and silencing the voices in my head that echo the things we were taught as kids. "Boys don't do that." "That's only for girls." "What will people say?" "What will they think?" "I've lived here my whole life, what will our neighbors say about us?" At 59.5 years old, I no longer care about any of those questions. I can tell you directly that my neighbor to the east will hate Heather because of the political sign that's still in front of his house nearly 8 months after an election. I'm here. I will not go back and cower in the closet. I will continue to live my live and I might have a TACO.

have a great Friday! 

Heather

May 25, 2025. A month post (successful) surgery.

 Hi everyone,

It's been a month... Yes, the deviated septum surgery happened on 4/28. I've been to all of the follow up visits. My doctor said that every part of the surgery was perfect and my recovery went great. I can breathe better.

I've been just living every day to the fullest. Go to work. Go home. Work. Home. Wash, rinse, repeat...

Until...

Today!

Our friend had invited us to a barbecue at her Stepmom's house. We went last year and had a lovely time. d food. Good company and a good time.  We were invited again, of course. Our trip this year, I decided to stress myself out. I had bought a new swimsuit last summer after her BBQ. Yesterday I told my spouse that I wanted to wear my new swimsuit triggering HER anxiety. The swimsuit in question is a nice, fairly modest, black one-piece woman's suit. I wore my "C" breast forms in the suit with a bright pink woman's tee shirt and my black skort and I have a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off my body when in the pool and a ball cap given to me from our friend.  the only thing I wasn't bringing was hair. As we were getting set to go, our friend called and asked if we could bring baguette and salad dressing. Sure thing! But it meant making a stop at a grocery store. I haven't been out in public without red hair in a long time but there was the wide brim hat. The shopping trip was uneventful.

So off to the BBQ...I knew that there would be a couple of other people today. Everyone has seen Heather except the nice lady who owns the house and pool. Public events, yup. Drag Queen Bingo, heck yeah! Trunk or treat, a couple of times but I've never been in a social setting at a friend's house as Heather. I figured I'd dressed in a reasonably subtle manner. Without really looking, the black skort looks like shorts and nothing is obvious about the tee shirt being sold in the woman's department. Well... I do have bright red nails! Not subtle at all.  The day was fun and mostly uneventful. Apparently, one of our friends is no longer single and her "plus one" might support a candidate who is not "my cup of tea." I've seen Mr. Plus One at my office so there's no surprise that I'd choose to wear what I did. There was advise about not broaching certain topics around him... I'm already daring to wear the correct clothing for me; I'm not pushing another set of limits. Everyone engaged in pleasant conversation and there were some cornhole games played. Our friend and I won our first (my only) game...not to brag... We ate. Played. Talked. People started taking off. We were down to the core four but alas we didn't swim. Our friend only wore the top of her swimsuit under her street clothes and I completely forgot a towel. Our hostess invited us over to swim any time we wish...

At the end of the day, nobody said anything about my choice of attire at least in my presence.

I was so worried. It stressed my wife to the max.  

Hey, thanks for checking in! Sorry about the rambling nature of this update.

Heather

I even had three cups of sangria!

Visiblility. Life. Family.

 

These colors don't run!

Good morning,

Monday was the big day. Much of world honored Transgender Day of Visibility and I was visible. I genuinely hope you were able to be out in the world as your true self. I worked a full day at the office and I wore a favorite dress. I haven't worn a dress to work possibly since my dressing as Marilyn Monroe on Halloween. The day was uneventful. A few co-workers called my dress cute.

The plan had been to take the kids out for dinner after work, they would be leaving the gym and head to the restaurant after. We spoke with the kids, chose a restaurant that agreed with everyone's dietary needs and restrictions, drove into Vegas and shared a couple of hours of pleasant company.  The place we picked is called Greens and Proteins. https://www.greensandproteins.com/ It has a menu that has meat and non-meat items. The kids had never been to this place but seemed to like it for a number of reasons. It's near their gym and it's very close to their Mom's second house. 

We had a nice time. The restaurant wasn't too busy, it was a Monday, but there was a steady stream of patrons getting to-go orders and sitting to eat. The "me" part of the experience was fine. I never felt uncomfortable or threatened or unwelcome. I think that most people are just not worried about other people trying to live their lives. On the way home, we stopped off at McDonalds for a McFlurry and milkshake. Meh.

And that's how I spent my summer vacation... LOL.

Nah, that's actually how I spent Transgender Day of Visibility.

Heather

ps. I hope you had a way to present your real self this past Monday. Going out is important. We need to prove that we're not the monsters we're portrayed to be by certain people. We have always existed and as I said in the first sentence, these colors don't run.

Happy October!

I'm back,

I'd like to share some of the good things that happen during my days at work. As I've said a few times, I've been out at work for nearly two years. These two years have been mostly great. I don't wear much jewelry, pretty much only earrings. But people frequently compliment choice of earrings. My kids and I went to Reno a couple of years ago and while we were there, my oldest bought be a pair of earrings with cats in coffee cups. People LOVE them! When I do my nails, they're shocked that a.) they're my own nails and b.) that I paint them myself. Personally, my skills are basic and I often get paint on the skin AND my nails but the result is generally decent. Yeah, there are people who are rude or crass but the majority are great. When at work, I'm not known as Heather. I use my given name. After interacting with customers they'll ask, "what's your name?" I reply with my given name without blinking and people smile and thank me and I always feel that my goal is to be a good trans ambassador in a ridiculously conservative rural Nevada town.  Mission accomplished! (If I get a good photo of Marilyn, I'll share it.)

Halloween is coming! For years, my kids and I have been trying to bring Marilyn Monroe to my life. This year it is happening! We have the iconic white dress, I have a blonde wig and I'll rock the look. My plan is to spend Friday at a salon getting some prep work done. The plan is for a stylist to wax and shape my brows and getting my first set of acrylic nails. A goal is to have permanent eyeliner and brow lines done too. The salon that I previously have used wasn't available so I've enlisted my eldest to schedule at the same nail salon that did my first manicure about 3 years ago. She said that they do waxing too.  We have an appointment set for next Friday after she gets out of work. I'm really looking forward to Halloween. 

I've had the experience of flying en femme. Because my sister and Dad are getting me from the airport these last two trips, I chose to fly in "mixed" mode. I'd worn a bra with medium size breast forms, camisole under a clingy tee shirt, woman's jeans and Skechers. Going through security in Vegas, I didn't separate my electronics in my carry-on adequately, so I had a secondary inspection of my chargers, phone battery bank, Roku player and other items but not my backup set of breast forms. Leaving Bradley Airport for my return flight, I had my carry-on inspected because of my breast forms. Neither place had an issue with the breast forms I was WEARING! No worries.

I've really come to terms with who I am. I almost always wear a bra and breast forms, like 24/7.  Even when I go out in male mode, I have a bra and breast forms on. I used to wear a sports bra under a tee shirt to not have the clips and adjusters visible. There are only a few times where I worry about bra type now, some doctor visits or visiting certain friends where I'll just wear the sports bra and amaller forms. Most times, I don't even think about it. I make sure it's visible and have an ample bosom. Life is good! 

A point worth restating is my belief that a majority of people don't even notice who we are. It reminds me of the episode of the TV series M*A*S*H where Hawkeye bets that he could walk through the entire camp naked and almost gets away with it until he's in the mess hall, someone notices and drops a cafeteria plate and everyone notices his state of undress. I've done most regular activities in girl mode for over two years and find that nobody treats me poorly. 

Last week was my birthday.  I took the day off from work so I could go to the Las Vegas Pride Parade with my kids on Friday evening. At 6:30 the night before, my phone rings and it's my GP doctor's office about test results from a cardiologist I'd visited... BACK IN MAY. I was due to have a surgery performed on my nose to clear the nasal passages and resolve a deviated septum. It is long past the original surgery date because of the slow cardiologist. I learned that I needed new bloodwork and another chest X-ray to get back on track. I was already set to drive to Vegas on Friday and we scheduled a radiology visit and I'd go while wearing what I would wear to watch the parade; a slinky tan animal print tank dress. As stated above, the experience was great. Everyone was fine. I used my given name, as that's my name... I think the guy sitting near me was checking me out even and muttered something about my legs. We scheduled this Thursday morning for my blood test which I did before work. I considered just wearing my woman's jeans, no wig and a male tee shirt but I worried getting to work on time and then having to return home, eat and change my wardrobe/gender presentation. I decided to dress for work. I chose a low-cut floral blouse and jeans and did my thing, signed in waited for the phlebotomist in the lobby. She came out, called my given name and didn't bat an eye. Nobody in the lobby even seemed to react. We talked while she did the draw. She asked where I worked but said nothing about given name versus Heather. Again, life is good! The Ear, Nose and Throat doctor who will be performing the surgery has already encountered my as Heather. She's a bit "no-nonsense" in her approach but she never said anything bad.

I'm sure that I have other things to share since I posted those few months back but my brain is getting too easily distracted to put more words to the screen.

I'm doing okay, all is well and remember this:

Life.

Is.

Good!

I hope y'all are doing okay too,

Thanks for reading this. 

Heather

Living my best life as a woman? Drudgery? Interacting with the 5-O?

On a recent Saturday I put on my favorite pink and purple skirt and went to Vegas to do my usual auction pickups, a bit of shopping and see the kids.

I went to my two auction pickups and was heading to see the kids, stopped at a red light. Light turns green, the guy in front of me decides that he's going to make a left turn from the center lane.  Guy behind me starts blasting his horn, I toot my car's horn to get the guy in front of me to move out the center lane.  He finally moves and I proceed forward. The impatient guy behind me decides he's going to speed past me in the right turn lane and sideswipes me as he goes by.  I went along my way.  He pulls off to the side of the road and I drive along, heading to see my kids.  Next thing I know, my van is being hit from the left side and I'm spinning counterclockwise.  I get out of the van and he says to me, "why did you hit me?"  It was at that point that I decided to not move the vehicle to preserve evidence of skid marks in the road.

He called police, I called 911.  Shortly thereafter, I call my ex-wife and let her know that I'd be late as I'd had an incident.  She tells me that she's going to send her new husband who is a former Las Vegas cop to keep me company.  I told her to let him know that I'd be the one in a skirt.

He arrives and we hang out for a few hours waiting for the officers to arrive.  After a while, he calls to dispatch and updates the information they have on the crash. Telling them about the details of how I had been PIT maneuvered by the other driver.  A while later, my ex arrives followed shortly thereafter by our kids. We're all just hanging out, being silly waiting for the officers.  The other driver had a couple people who had arrived and were chatting with him.  

The officers arrive and my former police officer friend goes to chat with them, after their conversation I speak with the officers and tell my story.  The officers look at the evidence, take measurements and photos of the skid marks and photos of the damage to both cars.  Officers took recorded and written statements from the me and that guy and then release me, I drive away.  My ex stays on scene for a couple minutes and sees that the other guy seems to be arguing with the officers, flailing his arms about. (Not a way to convince someone that your side of the story is right.)

All in all, I had to live a day filled with police interaction and it made no difference that I was in a skirt.

After all this, I missed the opportunity to go to Costco so I suggested to the kids that we go to WinCo foods for me to get some of the groceries I would have bought at Costco. Another interaction with a live person, the store's cashier was wonderful. No rise, no questions, just a nice person doing her job.

I get home and call the insurance company to report the claim. They tell me that the other driver has already reported the incident and apparently claims he's injured.  The claim also says that the incident happened at a different location, miles west of where it happened, and that the driver was MY WIFE! 

The insurance company calls to get a recorded statement from me.  I state that I feel that I was assaulted by the other driver when he slammed into my vehicle with his PIT maneuver. 

A couple days later I get an email from my insurance company to verify who was driving my van and who took the photos of the crash scene and damage to my vehicle.

Me and me I replied.  Spouse was home, many miles away.  I think there is clearly a question about my identity. If someone comes out and asks me directly, I will state the obvious but I didn't volunteer anything.  I guess my look was good enough to pass the test of interaction with other people.

I'll keep everyone posted with this interesting adventure.

Heather