Good Saturday to you!

I know my posting has been a bit spotty but things are busy in my world. Here I'm offering some wildflowers as a distraction from the stress of today's world.

                                       Kershaw-Ryan State Park has some lovely wildflowers!

Today's topic is just an observation of something I've recently seen in the news. 

In my news feed today was a story about a "Drag Race Canada" series participant coming out as transgender. 

Tara Nova says she's "so happy." 

It's seemed that I've seen this story quite a few times before with different names. I thought about doing an internet search about "how many Drag Race participants have come out as trans"

As you see in the above screen shot, my web search on out "Drag Race" cast members says the AI suggestion is 30 trans people. 

It's almost like people presenting as female on TV while living closeted come to realize that they are able to live openly after they spent time on the TV show. I'm glad for them. I'm happy, so happy. But I'm also disappointed that there are still people who aren't free to live as they choose. I understand why people feel like the closet is the safest place. In the closet, the likelihood of personal attacks or physical violence aren't as high as it will be when you're living openly but what is the point of life if you're just sitting alone in a dark space? From my own experience, it's better living openly and I only wish I'd done it earlier.

Their coming out and accepting themselves is a great thing. These are mostly performers and entertainers who deal with strangers frequently and it took something like a broadcast to make them comfortable enough to come to terms with who they are. I deal with strangers at my job. There are days that I'm at the front desk, checking in people for my full shift. Most people coming into the office are decent but there are certainly some who aren't. As a simple, working person I can say that it was terribly hard to take the step out of the closet but looking back I wonder why I didn't do it earlier? Why do we make things so difficult for ourselves. Well, look at the other paragraphs in this essay to understand why...

When my kids and I went to Kershaw-Ryan State Park in 2022 I wasn't fully "out" but I was living as Heather in my personal life and publicly on weekends. My life would change about six months later. Many people know me as my female persona, both in my family and professionally. Yet I'm tired of having to fear bullies. I'm tired of fearing for people just trying to live their life. I stress when I'm in public about toilet usage. In three years, the only public toilets I've used while out as Heather are the "family" stalls in the airports I've visited and the Ikea store in Vegas. I know that other transgender bloggers comfortably use the loo that matches their presentation but when out as Heather, I just won't feel comfortable in either. This is a "your mileage may vary" moment. When you gotta go, you've gotta go! Luckily, I've never had to go where I had to make that choice. I'm sure that the future will bring a time when nature calls and I'll have to figure out how to answer that one.

When I was a teen and experimenting with clothes I'd borrow from the drawer of my Mom or sister. I didn't understand what motivated me. I worried about what liking female clothing meant and feared my interest in them being discovered. Back in the late 70's, there weren't many resources on transgenderism on the not yet invented internet (not yet a thing available to the public, anyway) and my town's public library was a couple of miles away with no public transit available. I had never heard the term "cross dresser" or transgender but I do remember hearing about Dr. Renee Richards who I just learned was "outed" by Richard Carlson, father of Tucker. I guess the rotting fruit doesn't fall from the tree. I'm sure that I heard the slurs about Dr. Richards within parts of my family. It was a habit of the time for people to not accept things that didn't make sense and some people within my family were not very nice. I really didn't know much about Dr. Richards aside from her being a tennis player and that she'd had gender confirmation surgery. I guess I learned something today!

Thirty of my transgender sisters have embraced their reality after appearing on the "Drag Race" show. I think it would be fun to participate in a drag show. I have no real ability to move gracefully and my singing voice is not perfect but the queens usually lip-sync to pre-recorded songs. If I did a show, I have a song to perform. She's a Lady by Tom Jones. I think the vocal range fits me well and the song is a perfect song to sing in drag! I would make goofy facial expressions in certain parts of the song for reaction. Of course, living openly as Heather it's a bit of a contradiction to perform in drag and I would not want to put the wrong message out about myself. But we have to be able to poke fun at ourselves once in a while.

Sheesh, this thing is all over the place! I had a target thought that I was hoping to blog about but I keep bouncing off it and start yapping about some other crazy subject that is not quite off topic but not exactly related to the 30+ contestants who have come out as transgender since appearing on "Drag Race." The really odd thing is that I wasn't a regular viewer. We "cut the cord" over a decade ago so there's no cable TV and we stopped getting satellite TV service at least five years ago. When we had satellite TV, I'd seen a few episodes of a season of "Drag Race" but there were times it was too much like other reality competition shows with catfights and false drama. I appreciate that there's an outlet for people like me on TV and I hope the contestants get fair treatment and compensation. There was a show on HBO for four seasons named "We're Here" with former "Drag Race" contestants who would go into a town where a person/group would put on a one night only drag show. Usually it was a case of a conservative town and a person who felt they couldn't express a part of their life because of their environment. We watched the first couple of seasons of "We're Here" until we lost access to HBO Max. It was a heartwarming show and nice to see people blossom from their experience. I was tempted to suggest the town I'm in for an episode. This town needs to loosen up!

Enough of my blathering!

Thanks for reading these crazy blogs and I hope you'll be back.

Heather

Could you?

Hola~

Is it possible to just be? To not need to think out everything before doing it?

Could you do this?

Answering any of these with a "no" reply is okay if it fits your place in life. I can't expect anyone to do something that's beyond their safety zone. It took me 56 years to live and work as Heather on a daily basis and in public. I think many of us are a bit worried about the future of our civil rights. I have no interest in going back in the closet.

Early in the process of my current personal revolution, I would be getting ready to do whichever mundane public chore I'd given myself and I'd get myself worked up, anxious about the contradicting internal voices telling me why I should or should not go out in my chosen wardrobe. I can't say that these thoughts have fully left. Prepping for work reveals the strength Heather has over the rest of my existence. Showering and that part of the routine is rough. I just don't want to go to work. I'm old and cranky and the ridiculousness of modern life is a harsh opponent. Alas, Heather's got this. Once she realizes it's better than the lousy job we had before this the task of getting ready is easier. She remembers that she's working at a nothing job that pays well, a job that isn't physically or mentally challenging. On top of all this... Heather looks fabulous while working. Could you do this? 

Our world has made daily life pretty stressful. The pressures to not become a target, to maintain the confidence to move forward or earn a living can be overwhelming but becoming Heather on a daily basis is all that I need to motivate me. I have safety at work, so far. As long as I can remain employed there until I'm eligible for Medicare for me and my spouse, we should be okay.

Travel is coming.

Could you comfortably travel by plane in 2025 as a transgendered person? Would you feel safe going through a security checkpoint with an ID that doesn't conform with your presentation? In the past I've done it without any issue but there wasn't the level of hostility toward members of certain parts of the LGBTQ community that's reared its ugly head since January. I don't know what I'm going to do. In a few weeks I go to New England for a long weekend. I think this will be the trip where I tell my sister and her husband about Heather's full-time existence. On one of my previous trips, Dad met Heather but he doesn't usually remember things five minutes after he was told. My sister has seen Heather's Halloween photos but never in person. I think the time is right to be open with her. Flying from Vegas as Heather will be easy, I think. Connecticut still has LGBTQ safeguards, too. It shouldn't be an issue. But those darned "what if's" are always there. 

Will Heather be flying in August? Will my sister learn that after nearly 60 years she's got a younger sister?

I am almost certain I'll be flying as Heather and I feel the need to tell my sister about my reality. Coming out to everyone is one of my life goals for 2025. I'll share the results of these choices after my return.

The only awkward thing will be getting to the airport and her seeing me dressed without knowing first.  I still have to reconcile this. I can stop in a restroom before getting to baggage claim and do a quick change.

This composition has taken me about three days to build. Time to hit "publish" and think about the next installment.

Photo by Heather D. Waters, copyright 2022.

Have a good week.

Chat later,

Heather