Marilyn! Halloween 25 or was it 24? Life stuff, too.

 

Hey, that's me in my Marilyn dress!

Greetings! 

Another day in the life.

Yesterday was October 31, a state holiday in Nevada. No work but don't worry, I get to wear a dress to work any day I choose and Thursday was no exception. The above photo is from Halloween 2024, me in all my glory as Marilyn wearing the "iconic" dress. I have worn the blonde wig before and just don't like how I look as a blonde. My birth hair color was brown but 60 years of life has washed much of the color out and now I'm becoming greyer every day. My chosen color is a red/auburn which I've been told works well with my eyes and skintone and I really love it.

Back to Friday's events... We had city errands: pick up spouse's eyeglasses from optician, collect auction items and my spouse had an initial visit with a podiatrist. As usual, I chose to stress out over how to present myself. I didn't want to look like a caricature or seem like I was a cis male wearing a costume. I had an idea of how I'd wanted to look. I wanted to be a bit over the top. I was considering the Marilyn dress since my kids never saw me in it and one of them bought it for me! I was worried that wearing a white dress for an entire day, in public, doing "who knows what" probably wasn't going to be a smart idea.  I settled on my 3 years ago Halloween dress, blue with white polka dots. I really love how it looks on me and it is one of the dresses I've voted in. I go all out. Nylons, sensible heels, lacy slip, blue dotted dress and my new wig.  and now she's with overdressed Heather in public. My spouse was wearing a sleeveless top and shorts while I'm all dolled up. I had talked with her about wanting to be a bit over the top and she was okay with the idea and presentation. 

Photo from 2022: Me after voting in the mid-term election. I really love this dress. This is what I wore Thursday to work and all day Friday. 

 

Out we go, I realize we need to put fuel in the van. I'm way overdressed to be pumping gas in my dress and heels but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Off to auction pickup, been there a zillion times before without any incident but holy cow there were so many cars lined up. People in their cars getting their stuff! Off to the eye doctor. We're now a couple hours from the house, my body was sending me messages about the coffee I'd had earlier. Spouse goes in, returns with new glasses. I said, "Time for me to break my own rule." I go in and say "Hi, I'm with her. It's a long drive. I'd like to use the restroom." No big deal. I don't think the two women recognized their customer of 30 years. I've never been to this office fully dressed up. I almost always wear a bra and breast forms and my tee shirt doesn't hide those facts but I've always presented myself in boy-mode. The doctor is a bishop in his conservative church but he comes across as an open-minded and accepting person. I didn't see him or his daughter, the other doctor in the practice in the office. She seems even more open-minded. If I didn't know better, based on things she's said in the past I'd think she has a female life partner but have neither proof nor evidence to back up my belief.

Off to the main event: podiatrist. New doctors stress her out. Along the way, we stop at a drive-thru for 2 burger combo meals and eat in the doctor's parking lot. Sheesh, what used to be a $4.89 meal is now twice as much...  I remember hearing some hollow promise about "on day one..."

Appointment time arrives, we go inside, check in, paperwork, ID & insurance, co-pay and wait a short time. It was a bit of a bland waiting room but not unwelcoming. The assistant calls us back to an exam room and we again wait a short time. Doc comes in... What a great bedside manner! He had us laughing, Spouse had him laughing, I had us laughing. We talked about her condition and my existence and our living in a conservative small town and my existence... He said he was glad that I chose to live authentically and be out while working with the public. I told him how I've been out for three years, that it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

My guess was that my spouse had Plantar Warts, Doc complimented my diagnostic skills but said I was wrong like many of the GP's who send patients to him.  She has Plantar Fasciitis. He requested x-rays, recommended a course of action and we have a follow up in a month. I might make an appointment for him to look at my feet issues at the same time. It was a great experience for us.

She had conned herself into thinking that there was no stress in seeing a new doctor but when she got to the car, admitted to feeling anxiety before meeting the Doc. Later realizing the stress was totally unnecessary. My stress about Heather meeting a doctor or needing to use a public restroom was also unnecessary.

After the doctor we went across the city for the third time to visit my kids and their Mom. My youngest had made spaghetti earlier in the week and that was dinner. Good call not wearing Marilyn!

We left home at about 11:15 am and returned home about 12 hours later. For her to be out of the house for twelve hours is a rare thing! What a wonderful day out.

Keep this in mind, don't let a fear of others become a barrier to how you live your life. Live for you. What others might think about me can't dictate my happiness. Yep, there might be a small group of people throwing lots of hostility toward our sisters and brothers but I believe most people are accepting of us and/or won't even notice that they just interacted with a transgender person.

Have a great November! 

Thanks for visiting.

Heather

From the desk of Heather...

 Hello

Tuesday afternoon was our annual visit with the GP. No, I didn't have "the talk" with her. The office was too chaotic. I will eventually do so. The doctor wants tests on my thyroid.  Nothing too scary. The 240 pound bear in the room was me going to this visit after working 4 hours at the office. The only changes I made in the time between work and doctor was a soft bra instead of the underwire and a  different size/shape breast form. The younger female nurse gushed over my nails, like always and neither the doctor, her son/receptionist and the "right hand man" male nurse reacted to my appearance. My spouse said the doctor looked puzzled when she held the stethoscope to my chest, listening to my heartbeat and felt the incline of the breast form. 

One of my "resolutions" for 2025 was to be out to everyone. I don't know if I'm truly comfortable being out to everyone but I'm intending to reduce the number of people who don't know about Heather. Two and a half years living openly as a woman and going to work 5 days per week in my conservative town has made Heather rather comfortable in her existence even with the current hostile political climate. THAT is part of why I'm wanting to be out to almost everyone. I refuse to go back into the closet. My clothes aren't hurting anyone. My existence isn't hurting anyone. I hope we can all stand together and fight the oppression that the tiny thumb is trying to illegally exert on our communities. 

Go out and live your best life! I am, every day. I hope you do, too.

I still worry about going out in my clothes (heck, in today's world nothing is safe... right?) but I don't ever want to change back to living a drab existence.

Thanks for visiting...

Heather

3/23/25 one week away from TDOV. Stand up to tyranny!

 Howdy!

We're a week away from Transgender Day Of Visibility. I've heard of places promoting TDOV on Saturday, March 29, 2025. 

https://www.middletownct.gov/1451/Transgender-Day-of-Visibility-2025 

I'm working next Monday. I'll be visible to the public and am hoping to wear a favorite dress. After work, I'm hoping we'll get dinner out with my kids. It'll be worth the ridiculous drive.

If you're in a place where it's safe to do, go out and be visible. I have steeled my resolve to not let the haters win! I've continued going about my business wearing what I choose. Friday morning I had the pleasure of getting a cardiac stress test. This happened at the same office that previously had welcomed me as an old friend on my second visit. I wore the same clothes I've worn to work numerous times, sports bra, panties, black under shirt, jeans and lovely blouse. The people were terrific. I've never told them to call me anything other than my birth name but present fully as Heather at every visit. On Friday's visit, I did something that's totally out of my normal: I engaged people... including total strangers. Part of the stress test included injecting a radioactive element into my bloodstream so they can track heart function before and after exercise. After the injection, my spouse texted me that she had to stay outside since I was "radioactive." Of course it led me to find the rock song from the '80's "Radioactive" by The Firm. I played it on my phone while waiting... A member of the staff walks by the waiting room and says to the technician who'd injected me, "I feel heat" and I quipped that it was me since "I'm radioactive." She laughed. We started talking about the song and I showed her that I was just watching the video... She loves that song...  Another patient comes into the waiting room... The staff lady had a strong NYC accent and I told her that we're from the same region. Me Mass and her Long Island and find out the new arrival to the waiting room was from Indiana. We chatted about liking the desert over cold weather... It felt good.

Yesterday, my spouse and I were going through our rarely worn clothes pile and I found a bunch of garments I'd forgotten about. One was a lavender "body-con" dress with high/low hem. I'm wearing it right now! Someone, who is married to me, is uncomfortable with how short the front is but I love it. The low hem at the back is almost too long in my opinion, almost maxi-dress length. I feel as though I'm either dragging it or will step on it even with my 2.5" heels on. But it looks terrific on me.

With the rarely worn clothing, we're going to sort the stuff out for selling online, selling locally, donation and tossing out. I have a pretty good collection of clothes that I'd bought prior to "coming out" and thought I'd never have a chance to wear outside the house. Time passes and we forget that those things exist... It makes me wonder what else I've bought and forgot!

I'm a transgender person. I have told many people that I cannot put this part of me back into a box. I will stand beside my transgender sisters and brother and any/all nonbinary people or those on the LGBTQIA spectrum against the current government leaders trying to erase all mention of us. I don't care what they do because I'm here and they can pound sand! Enough people support our cause.

Have a good week.

• Be safe out there but BE OUT THERE!
• We are valid.
• We are a part of society. 
• We MATTER. 

Thanks for visiting

Heather.

Hi. I'm here, I guess?

Good Saturday to everyone,

There are so many things to unpack since I last wrote in this space.

I'm not going to dive "in depth" regarding the elephant in the space. To quote my youngest kid, we'll make it through this.

On November 5th, I had the preliminary visit for a planned surgery on my deviated septum. It was supposed to happen on 11/13/24. This is a surgery I was supposed to have done in May but I had a bad result from an EKG leading to a visit to a cardiologist and a stress test. The cardiologist took five months to get the results back to my doctors so I could be released for surgery. The results finally arrive, my GP clears me, the ENT contacts me to get an updated chest xray and bloodwork and schedules me. So, 11/5 I go to the ENT who is now concerned that my EKG is outdated since it was read back in May... The ENT is the first medical practitioner I had visited in any form of female presentation. I had gone for my bloodwork before heading to work, in a blouse and jeans. For the xray, I wore a tank dress. It was also the day I'd gotten my flu and COVID shots through my employer's sponsored shot clinic.

I had never visited my GP while presenting as Heather. In fact I still have my acrylic nails from that were done on October 25! But, Doctor ENT needed the EKG asap! Her office is about 20 minutes from my GP and both are about 70 miles, each way from my home. I'm trying to figure out how to mentally deal with this turn of events. Doctor GP isn't exactly openminded, I have heard her comment on some social issues in the past and believed it may be better to remain in the closet with her. There was no hiding my red hair, the bright red acrylic nails on my fingers or lovely v cut blouse I was wearing.

So, I get there... The nurse sees me and my wife. Looks at me and... asks why I look as I do. I hadn't thought of a story. On the spot, I say that it's a continuation of Halloween? The GP and her staff are all immigrants from Asia. I don't know how long they've been here in the US. The nurse seems more openminded and wasn't really listening when I said that he never sees me in everyday mode but today it was exactly that. I wait my standard forever until he calls me into the exam room.  I disrobe, removing everything but my jeans and red wig. He takes my EKG and it is okay, takes a second run to be sure. Okay again. I get off the exam table and he says he needs to take my vitals: Blood Pressure, Pulse ox... Remember, this is about 3:00 pm on 11/5/24! My blood pressure is ridiculous. (Gee, I wonder what happened on that day?)  190 over 120. OMG. WTF. Have I had any symptoms? No. Any headaches? No. No signs at all. The Doc comes in and asks the same questions. We agree to monitor my vitals at home. If, within a couple of days things change then I can proceed with surgery. I get myself put back together; the Doc wants to see how I look. She said I looked natural. Well, thank god for small wins? Doctor ENT had never seen me with my red wig. Usually, I just wore my pink ball cap and a blouse with jeans, leggings or a skort. She said that she really loved the color of my hair. It really worked for me. I take that as a huge win!

I have a follow-up scheduled for this coming Thursday with Doctor GP. I really don't want to un-do my nails but don't know if I want to come to terms with her knowing the full story.

Here I am, again waiting to be able to breathe freely for the first time.

My Mom would be happy that I'm trying to take care of myself but I think she'd be upset that it's taking so long to get everything settled. She was a tough person who pushed through adversity and pain so I try to do the same.

I'll do my best to remain vocal in this space. If I go to Doctor GP presenting as Heather, I'll let you know how it goes.  

Heather