I'm here, I'm alive,.

 Hi everyone,

Been busy. Our office has been on overtime for MONTHS.  I've worked five ten-hour days nearly every week since September plus regular activities and volunteering a couple Saturdays per month.

I'm exhausted.  It's financially rewarding but phew. 

Back in January I got sick. It went around the office like wildfire. Five days out of work. I absolutely hate being sick. I think that part of the reason most of us at work got sick is that we've been working so many hours, some are working eleven hours and Saturdays had been offered and that led to everyone being overtired and not having enough personal time to do nothing so our bodies could keep our immunities up.  

When I volunteer, it's a completely different situation from work. We have a fairly tight-knit group working together, we all know our tasks and do what we need to do. It's a combination of physical and mental work and very fulfilling. We work anywhere from 8 -12 hours, usually twice a month.

About a month ago, I'd heard that one of my favorite places was holding an open house. I'd told my kids and one of my friends about the event.  Kids and friend were excited to go but friend backed out at the last minute. This gave me the ability to dress differently than if he'd gone.  

We drove to Boulder City, NV to visit the Nevada Southern Railway's open house.  Youngest wore her homemade rainbow dress and oldest looked like a mid-century lovely.  I wore leggings and a knit pullover.  If nothing else, we were colorful.  We toured all of their exhibits except the engine house.  We took a ride on the train.  It was a fantastic day.

I'm working my way up to being comfortable in public dressed however I'm dressed. It's hard. It's scary. It's totally worth it. Ultimately, nobody really cares. When we were at the Railway, I interacted with lots of people and never felt like they were staring at me or treating me differently.

Twice a month, my wife and I have been going to therapy.  I think it's been a good thing.  One of these times I'll attend my session in a dress. I've already worn the leggings with the knit pullover top. Her office is in a nicer area of Las Vegas, on the second story of a building with a couple of restaurants and offices.  When I'm not in my hometown, I don't worry as much about how I'm dressed or who sees me.  There are places in Vegas that I know that my co-workers go and I try to tone it down in case someone might be there.  Some would take it well and others probably wouldn't.  I can't say how it would be received even though they've all seen me on Halloween.

That's it for now.

I'll be on again soon. I'll share the adventures from Drag Queen Bingo.

Heather.

Bingo?

 A friend is associated with a non-profit group. The non-profit is joining a couple of other non-profits to hold a fundraiser. It will be a drag queen bingo event. The friend asked me today if I'm going and will I dress up for bingo?

I'm interested in going and haven't thought about dressing up. Hmmm.

That could be fun.

Wow.

Thirty bucks a pop to attend. It could be worth it.

It happened.

 I did it.  Yep.  No denying it.

New Year's Day, I decided that I'm going to spend the day dressed up.  

The back story:  We've been on a bit of a spending spree lately.  We have bought items from auction houses for about 30 years to resell.  One of the auction houses we've dealt with has stopped selling loose item lots and stopped doing live, in-person auctions while shifting to a focus on higher end estate liquidations and online auctions of return items from companies like Amazon and retail returns from places like Target or Kohls. We've bought one pallet lot from Liquidation dot com and made some money from the things we'd purchased.  

Some of the items we recently purchased were a size 2x maroon dress and a shoulder length red/orange wig.  This, along with nylons, heeled sandals and massive breast forms was what I wore to my ex-wife's house for the annual celebration.  It was nice.  It was fun.  I was comfortable.  In attendance were:  my ex, her gentleman friend and the two adult offspring.  My ex asked if I was uncomfortable in the nylons.  I wasn't.  She also said that my legs looked great in the hosiery.  I think my youngest got my legs!  Their legs are shaped the same as mine.  The five of us all enjoyed the afternoon and evening.  I will say that to the kids, I'm still Dad. To the ex-wife and her gentleman friend, I'm not known as Heather but rather my birth name.  Yes, it was odd/weird to be called that while wearing a nice dress... but I believe no evil intent was meant by it.  When I was getting ready, I made a point of not taking any male clothes.  I could have no backup plan and no way to chicken out.  I had my dress, a cape to keep me warm and my back-up clothes were leggings, my oversized top and a pair of flats. She had told me to wear whatever I was comfortable wearing.  I did and wll again in the future..

Another thing, my current wife and I are going to therapy.  We both have things that need to be worked on so we decided to try to seek a way to resolve the things that are amiss.  In the interest of honesty and openness with our therapist, I told her about my life as Heather.  At this week's session, I chose to wear the same clothes I wore to Christmas.  My wife was a bit uncomfortable because she's not sure leggings are ever appropriate plus she thinks I was too visible...Black leggings with a long shirt, my parts should be pretty well concealed.  I told the therapist about going to the New Year party and she said Heather needs to come to the next session.  I am all for that idea but my wife may be unsure ...

This day, January 1 2022

We've been invited dinner at the home of my ex-wife and daughters.  The guest list includes my ex, our two daughters her gentleman friend, and who knows who else.  I went for Thanksgiving. The above people and her brother, his wife and their son were there.  After they left, I got my bag of girl clothes from the van and put on leggings and a pink blouse.  I went on Christmas; the brother and family weren't there.  I wore the same leggings with an oversized purple top. I was very comfortable.

I've said it before, everyone can get along. There is tolerance in our relationship. I think that I'm supposed to be angry at my ex but I can't be that way. 

My wife will stay home. She doesn't always like traveling three hours round-trip just to eat. Being on a diuretic sucks and when there is anxiety too, it's even harder to navigate social interactions.

I really want to wear something nice today.  I'm seriously considering wearing my pretty dress. I just don't care.  I also have a new dress that was bought from an auction doing Amazon returns.  I think the style of this new dress is "Body Con."  I tried it on, if I pad myself and fill it properly it looks okay. If something happens to it and I spill something, no biggie.  It cost a couple dollars.

Time to get ready.

Happy New Year.

Heather

What may happen?

 A friend posted on the evil social media website about an event happening in the near future.

It is happening at a gay bar. The friend is a married woman. I know her professionally. 

I think I may have been to a gay bar once back in the '90's. The local chapter of Tri ESS held a meeting at an old bar in Vegas. I don't really remember what happened there. It would have been the second time I'd been to one of their meetings, the first was at someone's home. I didn't dress up for either event. The house one was in the afternoon or during daylight hours and the one at the bar was in the evening, maybe around dusk? I don't remember going anything again with Tri ESS after that.

I attended some adult events around that time, too. The Las Vegas Fetish and Fantasy Halloween Ball was quite a wild event. I think I went four times. The first time, solo. Dressed in a short pleather skirt, white blouse, black vest, 4" heels (which I still have and have worn to work).  The second time I went with a male friend. Pretty much the same outfit. After my divorce, I went for the third time. I placed an online personal ad for a companion, met a woman named Terrie and the two of us decided on a theme. Babies. We found one piece pajamas in pink and blue. There was zero chemistry. It was just a night out. The last time I went was probably in 2000 or 2001. The event had scaled back and instead of being in the convention area of a hotel, it was in a nightclub. "Jerry Tarkanian's Shark Tank." Just north of the MGM Grand hotel on the Las Vegas Strip. I had stopped dressing by then so I chose to buy a caveman outfit like a one shouldered dress. I cut the to portion to cover less of my torso and shortened it by about six inches. The original length was around my knee and I shortened it to just long enough to cover everything and not be scandalous. Under that I had a leopard print g-string and I had a purse to carry my ID money and credit card.  I'd parked at the MGM parking garage. To be able to walk from the garage, through the casino, up the sidewalk and into the nightclub I wore a a tee shirt and sweat pants over my caveman outfit.  I used the facility's coat check to store my sweats and tee shirt. At the end of my night, I went back to the coatcheck, collected my street clothes, took off my caveman outfit (remember, under was just a g-string) and pulled on my real clothes.

The upcoming event sounds like a mixture of a drag show, a comedy show, a game show and stripping? Sprinkled liberally with some adult beverages.

I'm not the "liberal adult beverages" type but more the I may have one or two and be the designated driver four hours later type.

The thing is that she's aware of my dressing for the October holiday and it would be a fun time to attend this as Heather. I am halfway tempted to do this "just because."

The woman who was instrumental in hiring me loved bingo. When she retired, we had a standing date to go to a drag queen bingo event but then COVID hit and her health isn't great so we've never had a chance to go out but I absolutely would show up in a dress or skirt for bingo with her. I know she's an ally. We'd talked about trans people before she retired and she told me about her former nephew who is now her niece and how she loves that they're happy living their authentic life.

I have to put time aside to go to drag queen bingo. It is very important, she's not getting younger. And yes, if the possibility of going to the show at the gay bar comes up I'll be there.

Will I dress up? Time will tell.

Have a nice week.

Heather.

Friday night!

 I've worked overtime for about six weeks. 

I AM TIRED.

Ten hours per day, five days per week excepting two paid holidays: The day Nevada became a state, observed on the last Friday of October and Veterans Day. 

I have gone to work at six AM and worked until five PM and suffered through everything the long hours brought to the table.

Getting to work for six means I have to be awake at 4:30 AM with a goal of being in bed by ten PM. At the beginning I was not very good at getting to bed on time. In the last few weeks I did much better until yesterday. We had appointments in Vegas. The last appointment was at 8 PM we got out at nearly 10 PM and after the drive, arrived home around 11:30.  We had made a stop at Costco so there were perishable items in the car that couldn't be left in the car overnight so after unloading and getting the medicine into our elderly kitty I finally hit my pillow at midnight.

Today was the last day of overtime, at least for now.

What does tomorrow bring? Another busy day. I'll be volunteering. Another long day. Starting at 7 AM but hopefully it'll only last until 3.

I hope Sunday will bring a day where I can have recreational time.

I say all this because we all need to remember to make time for ourselves. Don't drive yourself to an overload, it isn't worth it. 

As I'm sitting here, the old kitty is staring at me. He's demanding dinner.

Good night, y'all.

Heather. 

Just a quick message!

Hi friends! Good Sunday morning to all. Have a fantastic Halloween. 

 I've had a few chances to be out and about within the past few weeks. My daughters, ex-wife and I went to the Vegas Pride parade on October 8. I wore my favorite sundress, youngest offspring wore her rainbow skirt. It was a fun event. I'd never been to a parade in Nevada, never been to a pride event and never been out with my ex-wife dressed as Heather. The parade was amazing. So many groups and companies participated in the parade. It made me want to ask if there was any plan for my employer to participate in a future event. After the parade, the four of us went to eat at a nearby IHOP. I had low expectations for the food but was pleasantly surprised. Six Dollars for a burger and fries on their 6 - 10pm value meal menu. And it was a good tasting burger! The only compensation I received for this endorsement was a burger that tasted good which we paid for. It was a nice evening.

 
The next day, 10/9 was the Las Vegas Pride event. Again, I'd never been to a pride festival. I had fun. Again I wore my favorite dress. It's nice to be recognized and not misgendered in a public setting. Yes, of course at a Pride event the likelihood of misgendering is low but it was confidence building. We spent probably five hours there. The only bummer was that the vegan food stall we'd chosen had run out of food. The three of us had split up, one kid at one stall and me and the other at a vegan place. the only thing left at the vegan place were cookies and they didn't have singles for change. The other kid was successful in getting food all three of us, fortunately.

One week later was the Las Vegas Age of Chivalry Renaissance Fair. I wore my standard "peasant" attire. I have a brown cotton skirt and a green/black embroidered blouse that my ex-wife gave me when the kids and I went to Pirate fest. Dang, I was glad we wore face masks at the Ren fair! There was so much dust. If I hadn't worn a mask, I'd be kicking dirt out of my respiratory system for many days. When I'd gone to the Ren fair a couple years ago, I was mis-gendered a couple times so I'd held low expectations... This year, nobody misgendered me. Not once. Zip. Nada. We had quite a few encounters with vendors and some seemed to acknowledge and embrace our unique traits. I had a great time. Based on the huge crowd, people were itching to get outside and attend events. The place was packed, food vendors had lines for days and the beer wagon lines were even longer. I don't think they expected to be as busy as they were. Again, we split into two lines to order food. The hungriest kid with me in the "deep fried stuff" line which was the shortest food line and youngest in the Pizza line. From the deep fried vendor, I had a fried "PBJ Uncrustable," hungriest got fried Nutella and fried cannoli. The three of us shared each of the fried goodies. Pizza was ordered and plated, we somehow found one side of a picnic table was available and had a fun little feast.

I've been pushing my look a little at a time. When I go out, I almost always wear my largest breast forms under a padded bra with a thin undershirt and then an open button shirt. If I'm wearing a baseball cap and mask, I am certainly passing. Yesterday, I went to our local supermarket. I wore an underwire bra with my biggest breastforms (DD's), men's tee shirt, women's shorts, dangling Halloween cat earrings, painted nails. As I was at the self checkout, the woman behind me was offered to use a different machine when she turned to the man offering her to go ahead and said about me, "she's almost done, thanks anyway." Oh my! I was on cloud nine. it was fabulous to be seen in my conservative little town for the person I really am.

 
On a similar but different topic, our office never received approval from the big bosses to dress up for Halloween. No crossdressing at work for me. Womp, womp. Halloween Cancelled?! I've participated every year since 2016. Each year a bit more over the top but always within dress code. People were truly disappointed that the costumes they'd bought or created would not be used. My direct boss texted me Wednesday night that we'd not be able to dress up. When I'd gotten to work Thursday, she told me that she half expected me to be dressed up regardless of the official directive. Dress code says specific guidelines but they're not affixed to a gender. I'd said that "who knows, I may just find a nice dress or skirt to wear as long as I'm within dress code." I didn't. The best part was that so many co-workers were disappointed because they love seeing how good I look on Halloween. Again, what a nice confidence builder. Who knows... maybe... just maybe... I'll just do it.

Once again I offer wishes of a fantastic Halloween to all. Get out there and live your authentic self.

Thanks for stopping in, come again.
Aloha,
Heather