Good Saturday to you!

I know my posting has been a bit spotty but things are busy in my world. Here I'm offering some wildflowers as a distraction from the stress of today's world.

                                       Kershaw-Ryan State Park has some lovely wildflowers!

Today's topic is just an observation of something I've recently seen in the news. 

In my news feed today was a story about a "Drag Race Canada" series participant coming out as transgender. 

Tara Nova says she's "so happy." 

It's seemed that I've seen this story quite a few times before with different names. I thought about doing an internet search about "how many Drag Race participants have come out as trans"

As you see in the above screen shot, my web search on out "Drag Race" cast members says the AI suggestion is 30 trans people. 

It's almost like people presenting as female on TV while living closeted come to realize that they are able to live openly after they spent time on the TV show. I'm glad for them. I'm happy, so happy. But I'm also disappointed that there are still people who aren't free to live as they choose. I understand why people feel like the closet is the safest place. In the closet, the likelihood of personal attacks or physical violence aren't as high as it will be when you're living openly but what is the point of life if you're just sitting alone in a dark space? From my own experience, it's better living openly and I only wish I'd done it earlier.

Their coming out and accepting themselves is a great thing. These are mostly performers and entertainers who deal with strangers frequently and it took something like a broadcast to make them comfortable enough to come to terms with who they are. I deal with strangers at my job. There are days that I'm at the front desk, checking in people for my full shift. Most people coming into the office are decent but there are certainly some who aren't. As a simple, working person I can say that it was terribly hard to take the step out of the closet but looking back I wonder why I didn't do it earlier? Why do we make things so difficult for ourselves. Well, look at the other paragraphs in this essay to understand why...

When my kids and I went to Kershaw-Ryan State Park in 2022 I wasn't fully "out" but I was living as Heather in my personal life and publicly on weekends. My life would change about six months later. Many people know me as my female persona, both in my family and professionally. Yet I'm tired of having to fear bullies. I'm tired of fearing for people just trying to live their life. I stress when I'm in public about toilet usage. In three years, the only public toilets I've used while out as Heather are the "family" stalls in the airports I've visited and the Ikea store in Vegas. I know that other transgender bloggers comfortably use the loo that matches their presentation but when out as Heather, I just won't feel comfortable in either. This is a "your mileage may vary" moment. When you gotta go, you've gotta go! Luckily, I've never had to go where I had to make that choice. I'm sure that the future will bring a time when nature calls and I'll have to figure out how to answer that one.

When I was a teen and experimenting with clothes I'd borrow from the drawer of my Mom or sister. I didn't understand what motivated me. I worried about what liking female clothing meant and feared my interest in them being discovered. Back in the late 70's, there weren't many resources on transgenderism on the not yet invented internet (not yet a thing available to the public, anyway) and my town's public library was a couple of miles away with no public transit available. I had never heard the term "cross dresser" or transgender but I do remember hearing about Dr. Renee Richards who I just learned was "outed" by Richard Carlson, father of Tucker. I guess the rotting fruit doesn't fall from the tree. I'm sure that I heard the slurs about Dr. Richards within parts of my family. It was a habit of the time for people to not accept things that didn't make sense and some people within my family were not very nice. I really didn't know much about Dr. Richards aside from her being a tennis player and that she'd had gender confirmation surgery. I guess I learned something today!

Thirty of my transgender sisters have embraced their reality after appearing on the "Drag Race" show. I think it would be fun to participate in a drag show. I have no real ability to move gracefully and my singing voice is not perfect but the queens usually lip-sync to pre-recorded songs. If I did a show, I have a song to perform. She's a Lady by Tom Jones. I think the vocal range fits me well and the song is a perfect song to sing in drag! I would make goofy facial expressions in certain parts of the song for reaction. Of course, living openly as Heather it's a bit of a contradiction to perform in drag and I would not want to put the wrong message out about myself. But we have to be able to poke fun at ourselves once in a while.

Sheesh, this thing is all over the place! I had a target thought that I was hoping to blog about but I keep bouncing off it and start yapping about some other crazy subject that is not quite off topic but not exactly related to the 30+ contestants who have come out as transgender since appearing on "Drag Race." The really odd thing is that I wasn't a regular viewer. We "cut the cord" over a decade ago so there's no cable TV and we stopped getting satellite TV service at least five years ago. When we had satellite TV, I'd seen a few episodes of a season of "Drag Race" but there were times it was too much like other reality competition shows with catfights and false drama. I appreciate that there's an outlet for people like me on TV and I hope the contestants get fair treatment and compensation. There was a show on HBO for four seasons named "We're Here" with former "Drag Race" contestants who would go into a town where a person/group would put on a one night only drag show. Usually it was a case of a conservative town and a person who felt they couldn't express a part of their life because of their environment. We watched the first couple of seasons of "We're Here" until we lost access to HBO Max. It was a heartwarming show and nice to see people blossom from their experience. I was tempted to suggest the town I'm in for an episode. This town needs to loosen up!

Enough of my blathering!

Thanks for reading these crazy blogs and I hope you'll be back.

Heather

2025 is ending and 2026 is near. What does our community do?

Hi, 

I'm here in this space and if you're reading this, thanks for joining me.

My answer to the above question will be "continue moving forward and living in our truth."

I have no interest in shutting down the life I've created. I hope you answer the same way. If marginalized communities give in to the powerful, we admit that we're weak. I'm sixty years old. I've seen stuff in my lifetime. I've seen and heard things that deeply offend me. I've experienced things that deeply offend me and scare me. Admittedly I look back at my life and wonder about some of the things I've done, wondering "what made me do that? I've made mistakes. Learning and growing smarter. I've become enlightened as I move along this path of life. I'll never be perfect but I now try to hold myself to a high standard and make sure to not let bad thoughts control my actions. 

My trip along the path of self-discovery has been pretty good but I wish I'd better embraced Heather (or Cyndi) a quarter century ago when I first was exploring my gender identity. Procrastinating, fear and 20/20 hindsight are a pain but here I am living openly in this space for more than three years. Cyndi was the first name I gave myself back in the olden days but aside from random postings on the late '90s interned boards I never shared it with others

In the nineties I knew what I wanted.  I enjoyed wearing female clothing. There were times I would paint my toenails and wear shoes and socks in Vegas, in summer. I'd wear a bra under my shirt or pantyhose beneath my jeans. She was aware of what I'd wear under my clothes and my preference. Once I told her, I didn't hide it but the kids didn't know. Heck, I had a red fishnet body stocking I'd wear that under my work clothes for a full shift in a manufacturing plant. I don't think my wife at the time ever knew about that one though. 

For three years I've been trying to live openly but there are people I haven't told and places that it's easier to not be openly transgendered. One of my 2025 goals was to share more of my authentic self publicly. My social media page still has my profile showing me in a skirt. My family, friends and the public see that image when my profile is clicked yet many of the family members and friends on that page only know/know of the male persona in real life. 

The most important message I want to share is that if you're breathing it's never too late to take the step to live authentically. I regret not doing more in the late nineties, but I'll never regret taking the step three years ago. I'm a bit jealous of the modern generations who embrace their sense of style and place but I'm also glad for them being real. 

Enough with the past... In 2026 I'd like to be creative. I'd like to make something tangible. I have a couple of crazy ideas that I'd like to explore for the Faire season. I'd like to create a look or outfit of my own. Something to wear for Pirate Fest or Renaissance Faire. "Art clothing" like something inspired by these Instagram pages but it'll be my own idea, design and creation. What made me think of this was seeing someone posting "art bras" that they'd designed. The fun thing about Renaissance Faire is that there are all sorts of time periods represented and the idea I have is certainly 20th century inspired and it will be awesome (or silly) if I can make it happen. I'd also like to try to make actual clothing for myself. I think it would be nice to be able to put my name on a something as "my own." I feel I've lost connection with my creative side and need to do something to change this.  If I'm able to make this happen, I'll share it here.

Happy Solstice to all who celebrate!

I hope to post again before the 25th.

Thanks for being here.

Heather

Saturday 12/6/25 and vacation is over. Welp, continuing this on 12/14.

Hello, 

I'm back from three weeks with my Dad.

The above was started on 12/6/25. It's been in draft mode since that date. Heather, in her typical rushed and hectic manner has let her blog molder.

It's December 14, hello again and we welcome back our blogatrix, Heather.

Yeah, it's been busy. Being away from home for three weeks and going back to work one day after flying didn't give me much down time. I think the worst part is that on my return to work there were people in the office who should have been home using their sick time instead of spreading their germs. Today is the first day that I've not felt like there was something dragging me down medically. And home chores like unpacking suitcases, dirty laundry, dirty dishes and meal prep that couldn't be ignored. Oh, and about that office... It's been uncharacteristically busy and my boss participated in the germ catching event but wisely stayed home for three days leaving us short handed. I guess it's payback for my being off three weeks.

Driving from Bradley airport to the homestead with my sister, we chatted and she told me that our cousin was in the area for work and that she may call.  A couple days later I get a text from her asking if we're available. Of course we were! My cousin lives in Southern California. I live in Nevada. We see each other in Massachusetts, how bizarre! Dad's younger brother was taking her around to sightsee and hoped to catch up with me. They told me about some of the places they'd visited and I shared some of the gems I'd discovered in Western Mass. We both learned about some new and exciting spots to see. It was good to see them. Back in the '70s my uncle had stayed for quite a while with his older sister in California and remained close to them so seeing cousin and uncle was nice. 

Spending three weeks with my Dad was a bit of a challenge. He's 86 and experiencing undiagnosed dementia or some form of cognitive decline. He's set in his ways and lives alone. I understand how my Mom was always frustrated. Dad really wants to help do everything, participate in chores, needs to serve others and cannot remember being told "no Dad, I don't want another seltzer" even though I told him two minutes ago and two minutes before that.. and two minutes before that... I'm not complaining because at 60 years old I still have my Dad in my life.

Good times or rough times with Dad mean that I'm able to have time with Dad. I wouldn't change this because I know that someday it won't be possible.

While there I was able to bring him out of the house nearly every day for fresh air and a change of scenery which he appreciates. We went to some of the places I love to visit and some of the places he loves to visit.

I had errands that needed to be dealt with while in Massachusetts. My wife needed copies of her brother's death certificate. I'd suggested that it would be easy for me to get them and less expensive than ordering by mail since I was only about an hour away. I drove to Watertown, Mass to collect the copies. It's weird that in that area are all the "W" name cities lined up along US Route 20: Watertown, Waltham, Weston, Wayland. That was an easy trip. The Mass Turnpike was a breeze, getting to city hall was simple and the people in the office were terrific. I saw some great old buildings and scenery.

One of the things that I was able to do was get some Christmas shopping done while I was away. Usually when I go back to Massachusetts, I visit the flagship store of Yankee Candle but I skipped it for both of my 2025 trips. While I was away, the office pulled Secret Santa names. I pulled the same person I've pulled at least 3 times before. She wants candles, scented lotion, winter gloves gift cards and other things. I've used up all my hoarded Yankee Candle clearance buys on previous Christmas gifts so I knew I had to try to find some fun and smelly candles. The guy who created the Yankee Candle company started another candle company after selling Yankee to Newell Corporation. Off to Kringle Candle I go and I make a Beeline to the clearance room. I went nuts buying jar candles, those wax melt thingies and votives to satisfy the office Christmas spirit not thinking about whether my treasures would put my checked suitcase over the 50-pound limit. It took a couple of tries rearranging things in that and the carry-ons to get the checked bag weight into the 40's!

Buy Candles Online | Candle Store | Kringle Candle Company 

After Kringle Candle, I drove to our friend's house for Saturday Game night and potluck. Again I used Waze and holy cow, the route I took! From Bernardston, Massachusetts I took Route 10 north to New Hampshire Route 119 east. I'm not used to treelined, narrow and twisty roads since I've lived in the Nevada Desert for 30+ years! I was concerned about fuel in the car and didn't know if or when I'd see a gas station in the middle of nowhere and stopped at the second station I saw. The first one was a Sunoco and said "Full Serve" and I didn't see the pricing so I foolishly chose to drive on. This second place was just across the New Hampshire border and had a huge selection of Asian food and goods.

Gaming at the home of friends was fun. I went two times. The first night was board games with friends. Attending were our host and his wife, their transgender daughter, my wife's brother and his wife, friends from theirchurch and one of their transgender offspring. I've met the host's kids in the past and I don't know if my story is known or not. My wife has told some of the gaming group but whether they all remember or heard her those years ago is debatable. The bummer is that I didn't realize the company I was in until the end of the evening. Hopefully on my next trip, Heather will be in attendance.

The second night of gaming was a night of potluck and roleplaying in the fashion of Dungeons and Dragons. A different group participates in this adventure. My brother-in-law used to participate but he and his bestie had a falling out with another member of the roleplaying group. Maybe things will be patched up before I get to New England again. We had an absolute blast in our campaign and the host/Game Master did an amazing job in creating our adventure.

What can I say, I'm a geek!

I'd mentioned to my Dad that I was interested in taking a drive to the Connecticut coast to see a store that I'd discovered online. I asked if he was up to riding with me for a long-ish drive.

Well, that started a discussion! "Why would I drive to New Haven just to see a store not knowing if they'd have what I wanted? Couldn't I just call and see if they had what I was looking for?"

"Part of going there was the adventure of going to a store I'd never visited and the fun in exploring an area I've only driven through on I-95."  

Yes, I went alone. That morning, Dad slept in and I didn't have the nerve to wake him. The drive down I-91 was easy, exiting was smooth but traffic on Trumbull Street through to Whitney Avenue and the drive into the heart of Yale University was a real slog. I don't know what the holdup was, but it took forever to go a quarter mile. Not knowing the lay of the land or how parking worked in the area I went past the store and did some exploring instead. I drove toward the former location of an old employer at 1131 Campbell Avenue in West Haven. Sadly, Railroad Salvage of Connecticut has closed. There is a McDonalds in the parking lot and their restrooms were satisfactory! I ate my McDouble in the parking lot and enjoyed the quiet.

My next goal was to see the vast expanse of water (LOL) that is Long Island Sound. I set the Waze navigation to Seabluff Beach in West Haven.  It was a hazy, cold November day but it was nice to see a beach and salt water. One of my 2025 goals was to actually see an ocean and Long Island Sound counts in attaining the goal.

After seeing some historic buildings, the Sound, the ruins of Ruby Vine's vast empire and plenty of the Yale area traffic I set out to actually visit the store I drove 70+ miles to see. At 105 Whitney Avenue, New Haven CT is Witch Bitch Thrift, an inclusive store with used garments and "merch." It was a great place to visit. Unfortunately, I didn't find garments that suited my taste or size but I did find some treasures that I'll gift to my kids. The store also has a performance space which hosts entertainment in a small area.

Witch Bitch Thrift | Thrift & Witch Shop 

It also snowed while I was in Massachusetts. I think we enjoyed about 5 inches of snow falling the day before I was to fly home. Yay!

Did I do some of the important things I'd set out to do? Some but not all. I wanted to see Salem, Mass and Old Sturbridge Village. I also didn't go to my hometown's museum. There was a candlelight tour that probably would have been wonderful. These will have to wait until next trip.

Did Heather's older sister get introduced to Heather? No. I didn't get enough time with her for me to get comfortable enough to spill the beans.

While there, I had dinner twice with my Mom's younger sister. I never knew that there was "nice" restaurant in my hometown. We went on a weeknight and it was pretty darned good. The second dinner was at a local pizza joint. Yum. She asked about my nails. I deflected because I think I have to tell my sister before telling auntie. She told me that she was having some medical issues and I was sworn to secrecy. I learned this week that she had a double bypass operation and is not recovering as well as the doctors had hoped.

Did Heather get out of the house? Aside from flying, not really. I brought an assortment of tops in both genders. I knew it would November and December are cold so I took all of my long sleeved tops and a couple tee shirts. Each of the times I saw my sister, aunt, uncle, cousin and friends I was wearing my C or D breast forms and didn't hide anything. Nobody asked and I didn't tell. Every place I went, I wore my regular clothes with obvious breasts, painted nails and sometimes earrings. I was happy.

Did Heather fly? Yes, both ways! No hassles. I've had my bags selected for additional screening in the past for my breast forms but no worries on this flight. 

Do what you love and love what you do. I still believe that the best thing for anyone feeling dysphoric is to live the life you want because your family isn't experiencing your feelings or emotions or needs. Life is too short to stifle the most important feelings that will bring joy to your everyday existence.

Did I chicken out by not telling auntie or my sister? Maybe, but again I have to live with my consequences. If I had told auntie, would it have led to a heart attack? But I knew she already had too much on her plate and burns her candle from both ends with another flame trying to ignite the center. She's always busy, going-going-going. Hmmm. Holy crap, it sounds like my existence. But she's wound up. The type A personality, much more than I'll ever be. I try to not stress out where she takes on everything, still working full time at age 70, in a hospital, in the psych ward...

Wow, this has turned out longer than I had expected but thanks for reading the exploits of Heather in New England.

I'll have more to share soon. 

Have a great December, 

thanks for being here.

Heather.

Proposal part deux. IRL safety.

 Hi again,

Another day, another Wednesday and a tale from the workplace. This has been sitting unfinished since last week. I'm just hitting publish and rolling with it.

Mid day Wednesday, one co-worker is off, two are on lunch I'm ma'aming the front desk. Solo at the front of the office, I'm interacting with the public, answering questions and checking in those who need it. A guy comes in, needs to be checked in.

He's a bit too friendly and starts asking questions. Other people come in, I tell him to sit and wait to be called, checking in the other folks who came in. 

I sign back into the system to deal with his request. 

He asks about earbuds. 

Nope, I don't use 'em. Headphones, over the ear. Never liked earbuds, even 35 years ago when Sony came out with them.

He asks about bluetooth. 

I replied, I don't even use it in my cars. (My car has a bluetooth stereo but I question where the microphone was placed since nobody can hear me when I use it.)  He says something about age. I reply, at sixty I'm older than you think and don't do whatever it was he suggested next. 

I don't like people coming on to me.

I'll bet most of the followers of this page have a "life is short" concept where we fear living our best life because of a "what will they say" effect from their family, friends or the general public. I certainly did and the memory of that still haunts me. I've been planning on telling my only sibling about Heather's existence. I wanted to do so over the past summer but I never had a moment with her where I could spill the beans. I have my next chance Wednesday when I travel east to stay with my Dad while my sister and her husband take a much needed vacation. I honestly believe she's been at least partly aware of my gender non-conformity because I've always shared my photos from Halloween and events I attended in my preferred clothing. 

Time to go.

See you in a few weeks.

Heather.

Proposal! Online safety.

 Hi

Breaking news!

I have an admirer! They're smitten and want to make me their one and only.

Yes, I'm married. I've been married for twenty years. Not interested, not on the market, not even looking.

Of course the important take away is...Be careful when using the internet. Looking at their profile, they propose to many people.

The inappropriate comments that have appeared in my replies are not much different. 

Don't forget to be smart about how you exist in the online world. Be cautious about who you interact with.

Heather.  

Coming soon to an airport near you!

Hello, 

Just a quick message...

I'll be traveling again, soon! I'll be away for about three weeks in November and December and I'll have to figure out how to sign in on the laptop. If I can't... and you don't see me for a few weeks... you'll know where I am. I'm flying out after the holiday and flying back after the holiday weekend.

I'm hoping to see something different than my usual travel activities. Maybe I'll have time to get to some historic location or see a presentation or tour the local library to learn about my hometown. I'd love to take a train trip somewhere or a short rail excursion but I'll also be responsible again for caring for my Dad. 

I have just over a week to do some research. Maybe there's some kind of pride event? Drag bingo? Drag shows?

Oh, I'm looking!

I'll post more before I fly.

Have a great week.

Heather

Marilyn! Halloween 25 or was it 24? Life stuff, too.

 

Hey, that's me in my Marilyn dress!

Greetings! 

Another day in the life.

Yesterday was October 31, a state holiday in Nevada. No work but don't worry, I get to wear a dress to work any day I choose and Thursday was no exception. The above photo is from Halloween 2024, me in all my glory as Marilyn wearing the "iconic" dress. I have worn the blonde wig before and just don't like how I look as a blonde. My birth hair color was brown but 60 years of life has washed much of the color out and now I'm becoming greyer every day. My chosen color is a red/auburn which I've been told works well with my eyes and skintone and I really love it.

Back to Friday's events... We had city errands: pick up spouse's eyeglasses from optician, collect auction items and my spouse had an initial visit with a podiatrist. As usual, I chose to stress out over how to present myself. I didn't want to look like a caricature or seem like I was a cis male wearing a costume. I had an idea of how I'd wanted to look. I wanted to be a bit over the top. I was considering the Marilyn dress since my kids never saw me in it and one of them bought it for me! I was worried that wearing a white dress for an entire day, in public, doing "who knows what" probably wasn't going to be a smart idea.  I settled on my 3 years ago Halloween dress, blue with white polka dots. I really love how it looks on me and it is one of the dresses I've voted in. I go all out. Nylons, sensible heels, lacy slip, blue dotted dress and my new wig.  and now she's with overdressed Heather in public. My spouse was wearing a sleeveless top and shorts while I'm all dolled up. I had talked with her about wanting to be a bit over the top and she was okay with the idea and presentation. 

Photo from 2022: Me after voting in the mid-term election. I really love this dress. This is what I wore Thursday to work and all day Friday. 

 

Out we go, I realize we need to put fuel in the van. I'm way overdressed to be pumping gas in my dress and heels but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Off to auction pickup, been there a zillion times before without any incident but holy cow there were so many cars lined up. People in their cars getting their stuff! Off to the eye doctor. We're now a couple hours from the house, my body was sending me messages about the coffee I'd had earlier. Spouse goes in, returns with new glasses. I said, "Time for me to break my own rule." I go in and say "Hi, I'm with her. It's a long drive. I'd like to use the restroom." No big deal. I don't think the two women recognized their customer of 30 years. I've never been to this office fully dressed up. I almost always wear a bra and breast forms and my tee shirt doesn't hide those facts but I've always presented myself in boy-mode. The doctor is a bishop in his conservative church but he comes across as an open-minded and accepting person. I didn't see him or his daughter, the other doctor in the practice in the office. She seems even more open-minded. If I didn't know better, based on things she's said in the past I'd think she has a female life partner but have neither proof nor evidence to back up my belief.

Off to the main event: podiatrist. New doctors stress her out. Along the way, we stop at a drive-thru for 2 burger combo meals and eat in the doctor's parking lot. Sheesh, what used to be a $4.89 meal is now twice as much...  I remember hearing some hollow promise about "on day one..."

Appointment time arrives, we go inside, check in, paperwork, ID & insurance, co-pay and wait a short time. It was a bit of a bland waiting room but not unwelcoming. The assistant calls us back to an exam room and we again wait a short time. Doc comes in... What a great bedside manner! He had us laughing, Spouse had him laughing, I had us laughing. We talked about her condition and my existence and our living in a conservative small town and my existence... He said he was glad that I chose to live authentically and be out while working with the public. I told him how I've been out for three years, that it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

My guess was that my spouse had Plantar Warts, Doc complimented my diagnostic skills but said I was wrong like many of the GP's who send patients to him.  She has Plantar Fasciitis. He requested x-rays, recommended a course of action and we have a follow up in a month. I might make an appointment for him to look at my feet issues at the same time. It was a great experience for us.

She had conned herself into thinking that there was no stress in seeing a new doctor but when she got to the car, admitted to feeling anxiety before meeting the Doc. Later realizing the stress was totally unnecessary. My stress about Heather meeting a doctor or needing to use a public restroom was also unnecessary.

After the doctor we went across the city for the third time to visit my kids and their Mom. My youngest had made spaghetti earlier in the week and that was dinner. Good call not wearing Marilyn!

We left home at about 11:15 am and returned home about 12 hours later. For her to be out of the house for twelve hours is a rare thing! What a wonderful day out.

Keep this in mind, don't let a fear of others become a barrier to how you live your life. Live for you. What others might think about me can't dictate my happiness. Yep, there might be a small group of people throwing lots of hostility toward our sisters and brothers but I believe most people are accepting of us and/or won't even notice that they just interacted with a transgender person.

Have a great November! 

Thanks for visiting.

Heather