Group! Outreach! LGBTQIA community. Get in the circle.

 Hi!

I went last night. It surely pushed some buttons for me. Will I go back? Yes. The trek is about 70 miles each way and it happens each Friday evening. Three hours driving after working a truncated shift of 6.5 hours. I left work at 3:30pm, drove home, added snack/water/ice blocks and stuff to my cooler bag, switched cars and started driving. I had one stop to make along the way, fighting rush hour traffic I get to the home of my kids. Gasoline and time add up.

The experience was good. There were people of all ages and identities in attendance. They said that the attendance was probably more than they'd had ever before?!? That's good news. Did I learn anything? I can't say that I did but the messages affirmed what I've been saying. "Live for yourself." Take care of yourself." 

Like many groups, I saw that there were people who weren't the facilitators but wanted to speak. Hopefully they aren't the kind of people who need to be the center of attention. 

After group, the building was to close at 8:00pm and we all went outside to mingle and chat. I did feel old though. It was nice to be social but I didn't really chat with people close to my age. I'm so socially awkward and uncomfortable in new situations.

The other offspring went grocery shopping with her mom while we went to the meeting. Dinner was supposed to be ready when we returned but the shopping took more time than expected. They wanted us to buy dinner and bring it back to the house. Sub sandwiches was the choice. We go to the sub shop which is half way between the facility and their house. CLOSED! No subs, too late. We call the oldest and break the news, she was upset. We suggest pizza from a place in the same parking lot. Oldest says, "you know what I like..." We move the car and realize that about 15 people we had just been with were enjoying pizza. We order, hang out, chat and then the pizza was ready.

Back to the house we go... Grumpy oldest kid sulks into the kitchen. We set the table, call their mom in for dinner and break into the pizza and garlic bread. OMG, it was SO good! Oldest was stuffing her face and I saw a bit of a grin emerge... I pointed it out and the grump was gone.

Overall, it was a nice night and quite interesting.

Heather. 

Big step Friday. Another FIRST.*

 Hello everyone,

Tonight, I'm going to a support group meet up with my youngest kid. I've known about the place for years and have recommended them to attend. We wanted to go but never had it happen. Tomorrow night will be my first visit and the offspring's third visit. I took off from work a bit early so I can make the trek into the city. Apparently there are people ranging in age from about 16 to around my age. I'm excited to see how this works and of course I'll share the experience.

* Full disclosure,.. Yeah, back in the late nineties I went to a couple Tri ESS meetings.  One or two at a private home and one at a LGBTQIA bar. I don't remember much about them, I just remember being uncomfortable. The gurls were nice and friendly enough but I was way out of my element and out of place since I was probably at least 20 years younger than everyone else in attendance. Most of the gurls in attendance were probably my current age... nearly 30 years ago. I think the chapter head was Michelle.  Does Tri Ess still exist? I haven't looked for them in a bunch of years. Yes... triess.org still is there. Looking at the Tri Ess website and a basic internet search doesn't show a southern Nevada chapter. We always need community and sisterhood. Hopefully the world will remember that we're all people and stop treating us like monsters.

A coworker was talking about gender issues with me. You can tell she watches fox news, unfortunate as it is because she mentions the hot button topics that are usually in the news: Sports, Bathrooms, the advantage some transgender folks supposedly enjoy in society. I remind her that our population is a relatively small percentage of overall society and that we sometimes just need to pee but hostilities against our sisters both cisgender, transgender and non-binary have made it unsafe to use a toilet. I've also told her that we don't choose to endure the stress of feeling like we're in the wrong body. It would really be much easier if people could just exist without being judged.

Living in society is easy most of the time as Heather. The hardest part is getting past my own barriers and silencing the voices in my head that echo the things we were taught as kids. "Boys don't do that." "That's only for girls." "What will people say?" "What will they think?" "I've lived here my whole life, what will our neighbors say about us?" At 59.5 years old, I no longer care about any of those questions. I can tell you directly that my neighbor to the east will hate Heather because of the political sign that's still in front of his house nearly 8 months after an election. I'm here. I will not go back and cower in the closet. I will continue to live my live and I might have a TACO.

have a great Friday! 

Heather

From the desk of Heather...

 Hello

Tuesday afternoon was our annual visit with the GP. No, I didn't have "the talk" with her. The office was too chaotic. I will eventually do so. The doctor wants tests on my thyroid.  Nothing too scary. The 240 pound bear in the room was me going to this visit after working 4 hours at the office. The only changes I made in the time between work and doctor was a soft bra instead of the underwire and a  different size/shape breast form. The younger female nurse gushed over my nails, like always and neither the doctor, her son/receptionist and the "right hand man" male nurse reacted to my appearance. My spouse said the doctor looked puzzled when she held the stethoscope to my chest, listening to my heartbeat and felt the incline of the breast form. 

One of my "resolutions" for 2025 was to be out to everyone. I don't know if I'm truly comfortable being out to everyone but I'm intending to reduce the number of people who don't know about Heather. Two and a half years living openly as a woman and going to work 5 days per week in my conservative town has made Heather rather comfortable in her existence even with the current hostile political climate. THAT is part of why I'm wanting to be out to almost everyone. I refuse to go back into the closet. My clothes aren't hurting anyone. My existence isn't hurting anyone. I hope we can all stand together and fight the oppression that the tiny thumb is trying to illegally exert on our communities. 

Go out and live your best life! I am, every day. I hope you do, too.

I still worry about going out in my clothes (heck, in today's world nothing is safe... right?) but I don't ever want to change back to living a drab existence.

Thanks for visiting...

Heather

Monday, Memorial Day 2025. Never forget.

 Hi. 

We often are reminded that this is the "unofficial start of summer" and the day that it becomes socially accepted to wear white in public but don't forget the sacrifices of the men and women who have given their lives in service in the name of freedom and liberty.

May their sacrifices never be forgotten or be in vain.

Freedom and liberty are for all. We must remember that fact.

Please don't allow someone force an opinion on you about the freedoms Americans enjoy and how we must restrict the freedom of expression or rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" because they disagree with my existence. I'm here. The years of anguish about wanting to no longer be "him" are behind me. I live comfortably as Heather every day. I'm proud to contribute to society and pay my way along the path. 59 years old, I refuse to go back to the closet. 

Friends, stand firmly for your principles.

Heather

ps, May and June are the end of our medical calendar year. Annual GP visit, eye doctor and a couple other appointments before the end of June. Yay!

Tomorrow afternoon is the GP visit. She's in her late-sixties and a conservative Filipino Catholic that we've been seeing for nearly 20 years. She's seen me dressed authentically one time but I brushed it off as a gag. But since that time, for every visit I've had my nails "done" and haven't hidden them from anyone in her office. I think that the initial surprise has worn off and since I'm working a half shift and we'll be driving to the city after lunch, I don't intend to change my clothes. I think I might have "the talk" with her and ask about what my next steps will be.

I'll keep ya posted!

May 25, 2025. A month post (successful) surgery.

 Hi everyone,

It's been a month... Yes, the deviated septum surgery happened on 4/28. I've been to all of the follow up visits. My doctor said that every part of the surgery was perfect and my recovery went great. I can breathe better.

I've been just living every day to the fullest. Go to work. Go home. Work. Home. Wash, rinse, repeat...

Until...

Today!

Our friend had invited us to a barbecue at her Stepmom's house. We went last year and had a lovely time. d food. Good company and a good time.  We were invited again, of course. Our trip this year, I decided to stress myself out. I had bought a new swimsuit last summer after her BBQ. Yesterday I told my spouse that I wanted to wear my new swimsuit triggering HER anxiety. The swimsuit in question is a nice, fairly modest, black one-piece woman's suit. I wore my "C" breast forms in the suit with a bright pink woman's tee shirt and my black skort and I have a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off my body when in the pool and a ball cap given to me from our friend.  the only thing I wasn't bringing was hair. As we were getting set to go, our friend called and asked if we could bring baguette and salad dressing. Sure thing! But it meant making a stop at a grocery store. I haven't been out in public without red hair in a long time but there was the wide brim hat. The shopping trip was uneventful.

So off to the BBQ...I knew that there would be a couple of other people today. Everyone has seen Heather except the nice lady who owns the house and pool. Public events, yup. Drag Queen Bingo, heck yeah! Trunk or treat, a couple of times but I've never been in a social setting at a friend's house as Heather. I figured I'd dressed in a reasonably subtle manner. Without really looking, the black skort looks like shorts and nothing is obvious about the tee shirt being sold in the woman's department. Well... I do have bright red nails! Not subtle at all.  The day was fun and mostly uneventful. Apparently, one of our friends is no longer single and her "plus one" might support a candidate who is not "my cup of tea." I've seen Mr. Plus One at my office so there's no surprise that I'd choose to wear what I did. There was advise about not broaching certain topics around him... I'm already daring to wear the correct clothing for me; I'm not pushing another set of limits. Everyone engaged in pleasant conversation and there were some cornhole games played. Our friend and I won our first (my only) game...not to brag... We ate. Played. Talked. People started taking off. We were down to the core four but alas we didn't swim. Our friend only wore the top of her swimsuit under her street clothes and I completely forgot a towel. Our hostess invited us over to swim any time we wish...

At the end of the day, nobody said anything about my choice of attire at least in my presence.

I was so worried. It stressed my wife to the max.  

Hey, thanks for checking in! Sorry about the rambling nature of this update.

Heather

I even had three cups of sangria!

Tuesday evening.

 Hi again,

Sunday dinner went well. It was just the kids, their Mom and her newish husband and me.

Didn't see the former brother-in-law or his wife, I heard, "They were tired." We had a great dinner and spent lots of time chatting. 

I learned that my son's wife is in town with her parents to care for one of their sets of parents. Next weekend is the annual Pirate Fest in Vegas. Of course we are going and we're going to invite an additional guest! She's never experienced seeing me dressed. We'll see if she's willing to attend.

The niece of one of my co-workers was diagnosed a year ago with breast cancer. The niece is not doing well and the sickness is very aggressive, her prognosis is not good. I told my friend that his is exactly why I had to stop hiding my true self. (this is the woman who inspired me to "look pretty" for the office holiday photo.) Life is too short. Everyone needs to find the things that bring them joy and satisfaction.

Take care of yourself,

Heather

Easter! Sunday Best...

Hi!

Although I'm non-practicing, tomorrow's Easter. My oldest texted and invited us to dinner tomorrow evening. I'm thinking I'll go. Will my spouse go? Probably not but the door is open. There is a possibility that my ex-brother-in-law will be there with his wife. The last time I saw them was years ago, I had a subtle nail polish and I don't know if they noticed and don't care if they did.

Heather isn't staying home. I know I'm more welcome at my ex's house than they are! 

Being Easter Sunday, I'm thinking I'll wear my blue polka-dot dress. 

I think it will be fun. They're an interesting couple. really uptight and non-practicing Catholics. 

It will be nice to get to see my kids. I've been trying to not drive in to the city after the last couple of weeks, I had doctor visits and things to do almost every other day. It's about 150 miles, round trip and it gets expensive. Luckily, I don't mind driving.

I'll post an update after.... wait for it... after my doctor visit on Monday!

Yeah, I'm getting the rest of my nasal surgery done and this will be the pre-op visit and another series of tests to be sure I'm strong and healthy enough for surgery on 4/28 and so it goes.

Chat later.

Thanks for visiting.

Heather