Hello,
I'm back from three weeks with my Dad.
The above was started on 12/6/25. It's been in draft mode since that date. Heather, in her typical rushed and hectic manner has let her blog molder.
It's December 14, hello again and we welcome back our blogatrix, Heather.
Yeah, it's been busy. Being away from home for three weeks and going back to work one day after flying didn't give me much down time. I think the worst part is that on my return to work there were people in the office who should have been home using their sick time instead of spreading their germs. Today is the first day that I've not felt like there was something dragging me down medically. And home chores like unpacking suitcases, dirty laundry, dirty dishes and meal prep that couldn't be ignored. Oh, and about that office... It's been uncharacteristically busy and my boss participated in the germ catching event but wisely stayed home for three days leaving us short handed. I guess it's payback for my being off three weeks.
Driving from Bradley airport to the homestead with my sister, we chatted and she told me that our cousin was in the area for work and that she may call. A couple days later I get a text from her asking if we're available. Of course we were! My cousin lives in Southern California. I live in Nevada. We see each other in Massachusetts, how bizarre! Dad's younger brother was taking her around to sightsee and hoped to catch up with me. They told me about some of the places they'd visited and I shared some of the gems I'd discovered in Western Mass. We both learned about some new and exciting spots to see. It was good to see them. Back in the '70s my uncle had stayed for quite a while with his older sister in California and remained close to them so seeing cousin and uncle was nice.
Spending three weeks with my Dad was a bit of a challenge. He's 86 and experiencing undiagnosed dementia or some form of cognitive decline. He's set in his ways and lives alone. I understand how my Mom was always frustrated. Dad really wants to help do everything, participate in chores, needs to serve others and cannot remember being told "no Dad, I don't want another seltzer" even though I told him two minutes ago and two minutes before that.. and two minutes before that... I'm not complaining because at 60 years old I still have my Dad in my life.
Good times or rough times with Dad mean that I'm able to have time with Dad. I wouldn't change this because I know that someday it won't be possible.
While there I was able to bring him out of the house nearly every day for fresh air and a change of scenery which he appreciates. We went to some of the places I love to visit and some of the places he loves to visit.
I had errands that needed to be dealt with while in Massachusetts. My wife needed copies of her brother's death certificate. I'd suggested that it would be easy for me to get them and less expensive than ordering by mail since I was only about an hour away. I drove to Watertown, Mass to collect the copies. It's weird that in that area are all the "W" name cities lined up along US Route 20: Watertown, Waltham, Weston, Wayland. That was an easy trip. The Mass Turnpike was a breeze, getting to city hall was simple and the people in the office were terrific. I saw some great old buildings and scenery.
One of the things that I was able to do was get some Christmas shopping done while I was away. Usually when I go back to Massachusetts, I visit the flagship store of Yankee Candle but I skipped it for both of my 2025 trips. While I was away, the office pulled Secret Santa names. I pulled the same person I've pulled at least 3 times before. She wants candles, scented lotion, winter gloves gift cards and other things. I've used up all my hoarded Yankee Candle clearance buys on previous Christmas gifts so I knew I had to try to find some fun and smelly candles. The guy who created the Yankee Candle company started another candle company after selling Yankee to Newell Corporation. Off to Kringle Candle I go and I make a Beeline to the clearance room. I went nuts buying jar candles, those wax melt thingies and votives to satisfy the office Christmas spirit not thinking about whether my treasures would put my checked suitcase over the 50-pound limit. It took a couple of tries rearranging things in that and the carry-ons to get the checked bag weight into the 40's!
Buy Candles Online | Candle Store | Kringle Candle Company
After Kringle Candle, I drove to our friend's house for Saturday Game night and potluck. Again I used Waze and holy cow, the route I took! From Bernardston, Massachusetts I took Route 10 north to New Hampshire Route 119 east. I'm not used to treelined, narrow and twisty roads since I've lived in the Nevada Desert for 30+ years! I was concerned about fuel in the car and didn't know if or when I'd see a gas station in the middle of nowhere and stopped at the second station I saw. The first one was a Sunoco and said "Full Serve" and I didn't see the pricing so I foolishly chose to drive on. This second place was just across the New Hampshire border and had a huge selection of Asian food and goods.
Gaming at the home of friends was fun. I went two times. The first night was board games with friends. Attending were our host and his wife, their transgender daughter, my wife's brother and his wife, friends from theirchurch and one of their transgender offspring. I've met the host's kids in the past and I don't know if my story is known or not. My wife has told some of the gaming group but whether they all remember or heard her those years ago is debatable. The bummer is that I didn't realize the company I was in until the end of the evening. Hopefully on my next trip, Heather will be in attendance.
The second night of gaming was a night of potluck and roleplaying in the fashion of Dungeons and Dragons. A different group participates in this adventure. My brother-in-law used to participate but he and his bestie had a falling out with another member of the roleplaying group. Maybe things will be patched up before I get to New England again. We had an absolute blast in our campaign and the host/Game Master did an amazing job in creating our adventure.
What can I say, I'm a geek!
I'd mentioned to my Dad that I was interested in taking a drive to the Connecticut coast to see a store that I'd discovered online. I asked if he was up to riding with me for a long-ish drive.
Well, that started a discussion! "Why would I drive to New Haven just to see a store not knowing if they'd have what I wanted? Couldn't I just call and see if they had what I was looking for?"
"Part of going there was the adventure of going to a store I'd never visited and the fun in exploring an area I've only driven through on I-95."
Yes, I went alone. That morning, Dad slept in and I didn't have the nerve to wake him. The drive down I-91 was easy, exiting was smooth but traffic on Trumbull Street through to Whitney Avenue and the drive into the heart of Yale University was a real slog. I don't know what the holdup was, but it took forever to go a quarter mile. Not knowing the lay of the land or how parking worked in the area I went past the store and did some exploring instead. I drove toward the former location of an old employer at 1131 Campbell Avenue in West Haven. Sadly, Railroad Salvage of Connecticut has closed. There is a McDonalds in the parking lot and their restrooms were satisfactory! I ate my McDouble in the parking lot and enjoyed the quiet.
My next goal was to see the vast expanse of water (LOL) that is Long Island Sound. I set the Waze navigation to Seabluff Beach in West Haven. It was a hazy, cold November day but it was nice to see a beach and salt water. One of my 2025 goals was to actually see an ocean and Long Island Sound counts in attaining the goal.
After seeing some historic buildings, the Sound, the ruins of Ruby Vine's vast empire and plenty of the Yale area traffic I set out to actually visit the store I drove 70+ miles to see. At 105 Whitney Avenue, New Haven CT is Witch Bitch Thrift, an inclusive store with used garments and "merch." It was a great place to visit. Unfortunately, I didn't find garments that suited my taste or size but I did find some treasures that I'll gift to my kids. The store also has a performance space which hosts entertainment in a small area.
Witch Bitch Thrift | Thrift & Witch Shop
It also snowed while I was in Massachusetts. I think we enjoyed about 5 inches of snow falling the day before I was to fly home. Yay!
Did I do some of the important things I'd set out to do? Some but not all. I wanted to see Salem, Mass and Old Sturbridge Village. I also didn't go to my hometown's museum. There was a candlelight tour that probably would have been wonderful. These will have to wait until next trip.
Did Heather's older sister get introduced to Heather? No. I didn't get enough time with her for me to get comfortable enough to spill the beans.
While there, I had dinner twice with my Mom's younger sister. I never knew that there was "nice" restaurant in my hometown. We went on a weeknight and it was pretty darned good. The second dinner was at a local pizza joint. Yum. She asked about my nails. I deflected because I think I have to tell my sister before telling auntie. She told me that she was having some medical issues and I was sworn to secrecy. I learned this week that she had a double bypass operation and is not recovering as well as the doctors had hoped.
Did Heather get out of the house? Aside from flying, not really. I brought an assortment of tops in both genders. I knew it would November and December are cold so I took all of my long sleeved tops and a couple tee shirts. Each of the times I saw my sister, aunt, uncle, cousin and friends I was wearing my C or D breast forms and didn't hide anything. Nobody asked and I didn't tell. Every place I went, I wore my regular clothes with obvious breasts, painted nails and sometimes earrings. I was happy.
Did Heather fly? Yes, both ways! No hassles. I've had my bags selected for additional screening in the past for my breast forms but no worries on this flight.
Do what you love and love what you do. I still believe that the best thing for anyone feeling dysphoric is to live the life you want because your family isn't experiencing your feelings or emotions or needs. Life is too short to stifle the most important feelings that will bring joy to your everyday existence.
Did I chicken out by not telling auntie or my sister? Maybe, but again I have to live with my consequences. If I had told auntie, would it have led to a heart attack? But I knew she already had too much on her plate and burns her candle from both ends with another flame trying to ignite the center. She's always busy, going-going-going. Hmmm. Holy crap, it sounds like my existence. But she's wound up. The type A personality, much more than I'll ever be. I try to not stress out where she takes on everything, still working full time at age 70, in a hospital, in the psych ward...
Wow, this has turned out longer than I had expected but thanks for reading the exploits of Heather in New England.
I'll have more to share soon.
Have a great December,
thanks for being here.
Heather.
