Another day, another tragedy.

Hello everyone,

It is with much sadness that I'm writing this today.

I'm horrified at the complete lack of respect for human lives shown by ignorant and violent people.  We awaken to hear of another mass shooting at a LGBTQ nightclub.  This time in Colorado Springs on the eve of Transgender Day of Remembrance.  A senseless loss of lives and many injured.  People out having a fun time, trying to relax or get drunk or hook-up or just get away from the hassles of their life, out for a night of entertainment and some M-Fer has to come along and shatter the lives countless people because the victims are living the way they're comfortable.  I was in Colorado on October 1, 2017 when the mass shooting happened in Las Vegas.  I know people who were at that Las Vegas concert. I know people who had family affected by that shooting.  When I was in Colorado, my family was there too, A couple weeks later, there was a chaotic scene in Thornton, Colorado when a wacko started firing in a Walmart.  My family was IN that exact store a couple weeks before.  I know exactly where that happened.  

A sensible person would think that after all the tragedy in Colorado that has experienced over the last 25 years where innocent people lost their lives at the hands of deranged people brandishing firearms, heck sensible people would think that after thousands of innocent Americans have been killed by deranged people with firearms our leaders would somehow take the lead and offer relief from the fear of losing our lives because we were in the wrong place at the right time.  

Apparently risky behaviors:

Eating at McDonalds in San Ysidro, CA.

Watching a Christmas parade last year.

Attending elementary school.

Attending high school in nearly every US state.

Shopping for food to feed their families.

Walking between classes on a college campus.

Soldiers on their Army base.

Watching a Batman film.

Attending concerts.

Sitting on your front porch.

Driving in your cars.

Being an American President watching a play.

Being an American President or Texas Governor riding in a limo.

Being another American President leaving a speaking engagement at the DC Hilton. Yeah, we got the Brady Bill but we still have violence.

Acting. Actresses shouldn't be shot and killed by stalkers. Yes, Rebecca Schaeffer's death in 1989 led to anti-stalking legislation but 33 years later people are stalked and subjected to violence.

I don't understand. 

I.

Just.

Don't.

Understand.  

What can drive a person to feel the need to kill.  Everyone has their demons, I get it.  I struggle with being transgender every day. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and fear of going to work and struggling to find happiness but nothing, and I mean NOTHING would lead me to think that killing another person would be a solution to MY problems.

And yes, there are always mental health issues that cause a person to act. There are substance abuse issues, too.  Maybe our leaders should address their own mental health issues and dependency on blood money to act by representing the ALL THE PEOPLE of the United States of America instead of their GD donors and effin' members of their bloodthirsty, gun loving party.

People say there is no way to completely stop this. I disagree. Look at most every other nation on the globe. The US leads in the number of firearms held in private hands. We also are leaders in the numbers of firearm related deaths based on sheer volume. Australia took action. Canada took action. New Zealand took action. A killer may still be able to kill using other weapons but the number of casualties will be greatly reduced. The nutjob who killed on October 1, 2017 in Las Vegas, leading to the greatest mass killing of innocent private citizens would have not been as lethal if he'd been brandishing a bladed weapon.

And gee, I wonder why I was reluctant to go out in public as Heather?  Will I be targeted? Will I be threatened or subject to violence because someone doesn't like how I look or dress?

Do me a favor, please... Please contact your legislators and ask them to enact sensible laws to protect ALL Americans from senseless gun violence. Ask your legislators to enact sensible laws to protect the civil rights of ALL Americans including protections of the LGBTQ folks who are currently being targeted by many US States. We just want to live our lives without fear of violence.

Thank you.

Heather.

Huge update!

 tl; dr version is I''M OUT AT WORK!

Hello friends.

Here's the deal.  After wearing my lovely dress on October 31, a woman I work with (Ms. G) said in that dress I was "glowing." A couple days later, we were supposed to have a photo taken for our office's holiday greeting card. They wanted it to happen on Friday 11/4 but I would be off for a dental visit. I said why not today, Thursday? A quick response of "No way!" from another woman (Ms. D. We all agree to make it happen on the following Monday.  The woman who said I was glowing told me that we all have to "look pretty" for the photo.

For the entire weekend I'm thinking about "looking pretty" at work. I ask my spouse, "What do I do? Do I follow through on Ms. G's request? She even said to wear the red dress I'd gotten from Dress Barn a few years ago."  Sunday night I pulled the red dress from the closet.

Monday morning comes... I get my routine started about ten minutes earlier than usual but still haven't made a firm decision to dress pretty.  In the shower, I do a quick cleanup and remove stray hairs. Still no decision made.  I then give my face a close shave and move to the bedroom.  Still unsure.  I dig out the nylons and start pulling them up my legs.  I've worn nylons under my work pants a number of times in the past.  On goes the bra and the appropriate breast forms.  I've worn a bra to work daily for at least five years and breast forms in my bra for at least four years. Once I had the nylons on, the decision was more likely. Next a new camisole and then the chunky heeled sandals I'd worn the previous Monday. Over everything goes the red dress and my little "shrug" sweater thingie that I'd worn the other time I'd worn the dress.  Back to the bathroom to add some eyebrow tint and mascara.  Gather my things: purse, insulated bag with granola bars and water and out the door I go!

At 5:50 am, it was a bit chilly but I was not too cold.  I get to the office, walk in alone, go to my desk and Ms. D glances at me and I say, "I did it! Ms. G said to "look pretty. I am."  "Well, okay!" she replies. For the first two hours, co-workers come to the front office where I work and look at me puzzled, I tell the story of "look pretty" for the upcoming photo. 

We've been on overtime for a couple of months, that's why the six am start time.  Our office is open to the public from 8 am to 5 pm. Last week, my job was to be the person to triage our customers, to determine what brought them to the office.  I was the first employee seen by the public. I had some great interactions with people.  Some didn't read me, even.  I think a couple of old guys thought I'd be interested. I'm not! There were some who I"ve seen many times and didn't say anything and there was one who said "that is a new look." I don't remember what my reply was...  I know that there are at least three women in the office who share my political views, out of 22. One of the women saw me and whispered, "You look great!" Ego boost!!!

We take the photo around 3:00 pm.  It was great.  A short time later my direct supervisor, pulls me into the office manager's office and tells me to sit. Usually in an instance like this, a person would have some kind of fear. I didn't!

She goes on to tell me that she's been waiting a long time for this to happen. 

"Huh?" my mind races! She gave me a hard time when my hair got long and she also gave me a hard time when I kept my pink fingernail polish for 3 weeks after our last approved Halloween.

She told me that she's glad for me. She said that our employer has protections for all. She said that if I wish to be addressed differently or use pronouns, she'll stand beside me 100%.  I told her that for the time being, we'll not make any changes.  I also said that new pronouns are still a hard thing for me to use, even when I know a person uses something that is different than it had been.  I thanked her!  We talked about how others in the office might react, I stated that I might worry about a couple of people's reaction but if they give me trouble, I'd pop them in the nose. (Of course I wouldn't and I explicitly told her that if there was any hostility toward me, I'd let her know, if she's not available, there's a whole chain of command that I can rely upon.

At the end of our shift, I told everyone that I didn't know "who" would show up Tuesday. 

Tuesday, I don't ever remember what I wore! I had to go into the bedroom and figure it out!  Red floral skirt and textured V-neck white tee that I'd bought as a back-up for the poodle skirt Halloween outfit.

Wednesday, I'd worn a tan faux suede skirt with a turtleneck.  One female co-worker asked about my choice to change my wardrobe.  I explained that I prefer it and it really makes me happy.  She loved my outfit and said that she was jealous that I look better than her. (I don't, really!) I just hate wearing a belt, truly hate wearing a belt. She said that she was happy for me especially considering where we live.

Thursday, I wore the same pink, purple and red tie-dye skirt and tee shirt that I'd chosen for the Pride parade. 

We were off on Friday to remember the sacrifices of those who served in our military.

Saturday was another workday! Another 8.5 hours of overtime! I chose a black and white patterned cotton dress that I'd never worn. 

So what does this mean? I'm out at work!

We're up to Sunday. Today. Right now. The present. At nine-thirty AM I have an appointment scheduled to get my flu shot, shingles shot and COVID booster at a local pharmacy.  I have to be there in ninety minutes. I'm sitting at my desk in leggings and a long sleeved shirt.  I think I'll probably wear better leggings and a nice top. Don't know. I'm also thinking about wearing the velour skirt and turtleneck. We'll see!

Thanks for visiting!

Heather.

 

I did my thing on Monday. Halloween. Our sacred day.

I went to work. In my dress.  First time in two years that I've been able to dress authentically in the office.

I've never had such a wonderful reception to what I wore to the office.  One co-worker said I was glowing. They were disappointed when I arrived Tuesday morning in a button-down shirt and pants.

My interactions with customers were all positive. One older man had no idea that I wasn't a cis woman. No, he wasn't hitting on me.  I don't remember the full conversation but his name was the same as a famous old time movie actor and I said that I was named after my dad...

My big statement was I hate wearing a belt, one of the other male people in the office agreed.  He's a supervisor, we spoke about whether it is okay with the higher ups and how would wearing a dress work with the office dress codes and my response was that the code allows gender expression.  It was a great day.  I totally rocked the dress.  My only problem was that I am not used to wearing something that has a slit and I was a bit self conscious when the wind started blowing.

I will be talking with my therapist about how this will affect my psyche.

I do think this is a great step.  

Heather

ps. after leaving work on Monday I did the most important thing as an American citizen.  I cast my ballot in the mid-term election.  I went to the polls after leaving the office, still in my dress. The "greeter" at the polls said I looked lovely. The guy who gave me the ballot, didn't think twice about who I was and how I was dressed.  Totally businesslike.

Living my best life as a woman? Drudgery? Interacting with the 5-O?

On a recent Saturday I put on my favorite pink and purple skirt and went to Vegas to do my usual auction pickups, a bit of shopping and see the kids.

I went to my two auction pickups and was heading to see the kids, stopped at a red light. Light turns green, the guy in front of me decides that he's going to make a left turn from the center lane.  Guy behind me starts blasting his horn, I toot my car's horn to get the guy in front of me to move out the center lane.  He finally moves and I proceed forward. The impatient guy behind me decides he's going to speed past me in the right turn lane and sideswipes me as he goes by.  I went along my way.  He pulls off to the side of the road and I drive along, heading to see my kids.  Next thing I know, my van is being hit from the left side and I'm spinning counterclockwise.  I get out of the van and he says to me, "why did you hit me?"  It was at that point that I decided to not move the vehicle to preserve evidence of skid marks in the road.

He called police, I called 911.  Shortly thereafter, I call my ex-wife and let her know that I'd be late as I'd had an incident.  She tells me that she's going to send her new husband who is a former Las Vegas cop to keep me company.  I told her to let him know that I'd be the one in a skirt.

He arrives and we hang out for a few hours waiting for the officers to arrive.  After a while, he calls to dispatch and updates the information they have on the crash. Telling them about the details of how I had been PIT maneuvered by the other driver.  A while later, my ex arrives followed shortly thereafter by our kids. We're all just hanging out, being silly waiting for the officers.  The other driver had a couple people who had arrived and were chatting with him.  

The officers arrive and my former police officer friend goes to chat with them, after their conversation I speak with the officers and tell my story.  The officers look at the evidence, take measurements and photos of the skid marks and photos of the damage to both cars.  Officers took recorded and written statements from the me and that guy and then release me, I drive away.  My ex stays on scene for a couple minutes and sees that the other guy seems to be arguing with the officers, flailing his arms about. (Not a way to convince someone that your side of the story is right.)

All in all, I had to live a day filled with police interaction and it made no difference that I was in a skirt.

After all this, I missed the opportunity to go to Costco so I suggested to the kids that we go to WinCo foods for me to get some of the groceries I would have bought at Costco. Another interaction with a live person, the store's cashier was wonderful. No rise, no questions, just a nice person doing her job.

I get home and call the insurance company to report the claim. They tell me that the other driver has already reported the incident and apparently claims he's injured.  The claim also says that the incident happened at a different location, miles west of where it happened, and that the driver was MY WIFE! 

The insurance company calls to get a recorded statement from me.  I state that I feel that I was assaulted by the other driver when he slammed into my vehicle with his PIT maneuver. 

A couple days later I get an email from my insurance company to verify who was driving my van and who took the photos of the crash scene and damage to my vehicle.

Me and me I replied.  Spouse was home, many miles away.  I think there is clearly a question about my identity. If someone comes out and asks me directly, I will state the obvious but I didn't volunteer anything.  I guess my look was good enough to pass the test of interaction with other people.

I'll keep everyone posted with this interesting adventure.

Heather

Pride weekend! Age of Chivalry Renaissance Faire! Such fun!

 Last weekend was really, really busy! Friday night was the Las Vegas Pride Parade in downtown Las Vegas. I worked a half day.  Before the parade, I had to stop and get a replacement battery for my car and I really needed to get my hair cut. Because of timing, it was easier to do those in the same clothes I'd worn to work but I'd brought along my clothes for pride and a folding cot to stay overnight with my kids.  They'd suggested I stay over since we were going to the pride festival the next day and I'd save the cost of fuel driving 140 miles home and back at least once that weekend.  Photos were not my strong point for this trip.

The Pride Parade was pretty amazing.  It seemed that we had the same type of group standing near us, boisterous and attractive to the parade marchers.  The people distributing swag seemed to be gravitating to the people south of us.  We had some people stop for us, though. There was a youngster just north of us, we made sure that the people gave her swag too.  

The greatest thing was knowing that our State's Governor, both US Senators and 3/4 of our US Representatives were in support of the LGBTQ+ community. Many of them were in attendance.  The Las Vegas Sun published an editorial about how the GOP candidates are shunning the LGBTQ community. Of course, their actions prove their intentions.

Saturday brought the Pride Festival. It ran from about 12 to ? but I had to ditch at around 3:30 due to a prior commitment. We did some exploring but I didn't get to see everything because of my time limitation.  The kids stayed late. On the way home, I stopped at both a donut shop and Filipino restaurant. The clerk in the donut shop complimented me on my skirt. Oddly enough, every time I've been into the donut shop, the radio playing in the location has always been tuned to a christian station. Inspirational music! Clerk liked the outfit of a transperson!  I call that a win.

Sunday was the Age of Chivalry Renaissance Fair, an annual tradition for me and my kids.  This year, they brought along friends from work. I'd med the two women at the kid's house but hadn't met one woman's significant other, Caleb, before. I was uncertain of how the new member of the group would react to me in a skirt. No reaction. They're a great bunch of people.

For all three days, I'd worn the same skirt, basically purple, white and pink stripes. Friday and Saturday, I chose a white tee shirt and Sunday I had a blouse that was more like a peasant top.

It was a great weekend.

Heather

Out and about part deux.

 Hey there!

A week ago, more pick ups at the auction house.  Hooray, new bed sheets! Also a trip to a grocery store and another trip to Costco. Same outfit as before. Costco was uneventful but when I went to the register, the very conservative male cashier asked if "person named on card" was here. I replied, yes I am!

It wasn't a solo trip, oldest kid accompanied me.  We stopped at Ulta beauty, too.  I needed something to tint my brows to better match my favorite red wig.  We talked to a customer assistant in the store and I interacted with her. We got a brush on product that should be a better match. 

It was a very positive experience.

It's getting comfortable to be out as Heather. Next weekend, we have a three day Heather schedule. Friday night is the Las Vegas Pride Parade. Saturday is the Las Vegas Pride event. And Sunday, we're going to the Renaissance Faire.  

It's going to be fun.

I'll surely share all the details from the weekend!

Heather.

Follow up and more!

 Hi  friends!

Yes, I went to Costco last Saturday. Sunday morning arrived and I needed a few things that I didn't want to buy in a super-sized Costco package.  I put on the same clothes from the previous day and went to my local grocery store.  The only difference was that I chose to wear a wig instead of the cap.  Yes, I've gone shopping to this local store en femme during Halloween outings and even gotten my flu shot three years ago on one of the trips but never had done so on a mundane Sunday in September.  Again, totally uneventful and absolutely wonderful.

In my recent posts, I mentioned the auction house.  They handle "online returns."  Mostly Amazon but some other e-commerce retailers too.  

I've gotten some very nice clothes, some leggings, nylons, tee shirts and lots of bras from these auctions at excellent prices and my spouse and I have gotten some great deals on household items, cat food and cat litter.  The clothes mostly have been for under $5 per item.

When I traveled to see my family, I'd worn my largest pair of breast forms and taken three sets of breast forms for daily wear and sleeping.  Upon opening my suitcase, I discovered that my "A" cup forms had ruptured. Luckily they were in a plastic bag so there was no contact between the gel filling and my clothing.

I ordered two sets of replacement forms, one set of "A" and one set of "C" cups.  I usually get about 6 months of daily use from a set before the fail and I've been using the "C"s since last December.  When I got home from my trip, I'd looked at the auction items and discovered "returned" breast forms up for bid. Searching a bit more, I discovered silicone breast plates for sale.  I'd never bought anything like this because I didn't know how they'd fit my ample frame.  I took the plunge and bid on a set of  Vollence "strap on" breast forms and two silicone breast plates.  For about $30, I have three new items.  My spouse picked up the auction items yesterday.  The two sets of forms I'd ordered earlier were about $80.

I'm going to share what I learned from spending $30 on fake breasts. Reminder, these are all e-cmmerce returns and have no original packaging, care instructions, information regarding the manufacturer or original seller. Sometimes the auction listing is the generic page title showing every combination of product sold in the listing.  Multiple "skin" color choices and sizes offered by the seller. I washed each set in my sink with a biodegradable non-detergent soap and hand dried them with a clean towel.  FYI, DON'T wear these vest style breastplates if you don't have someone around to help extricate you from the breastplates!  It was funny, when we were trying to remove them

First item: "Vollence Strap on Silicone Breast Forms Fake Boobs for Mastectomy Crossdresser" product review.  This set has a pair of large circular breasts with bit of a collar.  The breasts are fairly close together.  They almost look like they're too close together.  Adjustable clear straps extend from the sides of the breasts and from the shoulders crossing the back to secure.  The "flesh" tone is a golden tan. The nipples are soft and elevated but not ridiculous.  The surface is very smooth and glossy but the smoothness shows some wrinkles.  I don't think I'd be able to wear this set in public if their neckline were visible.  Who knows how long they've been sitting smooshed in a shoebox on a pallet inside a warehouse. If I had purchased them at retail and received what I got yesterday, I'd return them for a refund but for pennies on the dollar, I'm satisfied with them. I may be able to wear them under a tee shirt or certainly under a turtleneck.

Second item: "ARRIZE Silicone Breastplate Crossdresser Breasts D Cup Realistic Breast Plates for Transgender Drag Queen" product review.  Prominent nipples angled nicely. The breasts are close together.  Super stretchy and it seems to have enough stretch to fit me but this one is tight. The neck was pretty constrictive. With assistance, I was able to get this set on and it took plenty of effort to remove.  I'm certain that it will be the only time I'll wear this.  

Third item: "Silicone Breastplate" Yup, that and one photo is all the auction listing showed.  No idea of what kind of pig in a poke was coming.  The breasts are slightly smaller than the other breastplate but this one has more stretch and is much more comfortable.  This breastplate has very prominent and firm nipples which are odd and angled outward.  The breasts are closely placed.  I was able to put this on without assistance, removing was another story.  

 

Fourth item: "CeesyJuly Womens Shapewear Butt Lifter Padded Control Panties Body Shaper Brief SIZE XXL"  2XL is for a 24" waist. I'm fairly certain that the circumference of one my thighs is close to 24"  It's tiny.  I don't think I had a 24" waist when I was in high school! Maybe a 29 but 24? No way!  Too small to review!

Fifth item:  "Defitshape Women's Padded Seamless Shapewear Panties Hip Enhancer Underwear Shaper Shorts 5x"  It actually fits. It actually pads my hips. It has nothing for the rear, just the sides.It isn't the most comfortable garment to wear though.  I think it'll work very well along with the item below.

Sixth item.  "Women Hip and Butt Enhancer, 4 Removable Pads Panties High Waist Trainer Shaper Size: 3XL"  It's a bit uncomfortable but it fits and adds padding in places I need some extra help.  

Hope the coming week is nice

Heather