Thanks Mom!

I love my Mom. 

Last time I visited my parent's house, the thing that surprised me most was the new photo on their fridge.  It was a picture of me.  Dressed for work on Halloween. 

It made me feel great.

I wonder if they have any idea that I spend most of my time dressed in women's clothing?  I have a strong desire to tell them.  My spouse has suggested that it is a bad idea.  Why tell them something that may upset them?  Yes, good point but my counter point is: this is me.  I am not ashamed of who I am.  I want to be honest about myself.  I've had to hide a part of myself for fifty years.  I don't want to hide any more.  If I had the means, I would do so much more to make my life as Heather a full time reality. 

Happy Mom's day.

Direction...or lack of?

I've been able realize the dream of wearing women's clothing for about a year and a half.  On a daily basis, I will be "underdressed" by wearing some type of knickers bra and breastforms under my male office wear.  On drives to the city, I have been pushing the envelope by wearing a blouse and the larger breasforms and sometimes have my nails painted.  Almost every drive back from the city is made fully en-femme.

Here's the dilemma.  I am struggling with a desire to be more like a woman on a daily basis.  I constantly think about more permanent changes such as breast implants, hormones and possibly re-assignment surgery.  When I am dressed as a woman, things about me just seem to be perfect.  There are two things that stand in my way. 

1.)  The permanence of a sex change is scary and I know this is why counseling is recommended prior to making a permanent change.  The thought of losing my most masculine traits holds both intrigue and fear.  Sexually, I am not interested in fathering children but I cannot deny I'll miss the pleasure of climax.  Admittedly, I 've never researched what kind of sensations a person experiences after having re-assignment surgery. 

2.)  Financial.  There is just no extra money in my life to shell out thousands for something that is both elective and selfish.  I have not looked into the health insurance plan's coverage for something like this but if it is anything like having three warts and two moles removed, I'll be paying for it out of pocket.

Wearing my breastforms, I feel complete.  I feel right.  The weight of them and the way they move when I move is perfection.  Wearing a lightweight top, underwire bra filled with my breastforms and a favorite skirt gives me a confidence I've never felt as a male.  Even if I stated that I'm apprehensive of re-assignment surgery, I'd get breast implants.  It would be great to not have fake ones stuck to my chest in the heat of summer.
I don't wish to be alluring to others.  I don't wish to be sexually attractive to others.  I just want to be happy.  I want to be me, however I wish to present myself to the world, let me be me. 


Thanks for visiting.

Heather

Wedding idea.

I have three children.  My wife and two daughters know about my choice of clothing.  My ex-wife knew also but it was not a factor in the divorce and we haven't spoken of it since before the divorce.  My son will be married in the coming months.  When we received the announcement, I said to my wife "I guess I'll need to get a dress for the wedding."  She chuckled.  I made the same comment to my daughters but received no reaction.  Damn millennials! Unless something radically changed in my life, I wouldn't do it because I want the day to be about the awesome couple, not me.  But I may make the 16 hour car trip en-femme. 

Hello to the world. long time since I checked in...

I traveled east to see my family.  I didn't have the pleasure of traveling en-femme but on my return trip, I did wear a bra with cloth padding under my shirt.  Flying out of Vegas was bad because there had been a winter storm the night before and the pilot wanted the plane de-iced.  Waited two hours in the plane to leave.  Missed my connection in Detroit because the Las Vegas de-icing crew did not wish to work.

The real news is that today was a bit of a milestone for me.  I made the choice to wear all female clothes for a trip to the city.  Dangling earrings, painted nails, open toed sandals and my padded bra with breastforms, nice striped blouse and tan velour pants.  I cannot deny that I felt a bit of worry throughout the day but I made it.  I had to engage people at three different stores, too.  I know that this is just the beginning!

Next trip, I'm wearing the skirt!

Heather

Happy New Year.

I'm writing this while in my favorite skirt, blue lace camisole, black leggings and a flannel shirt.  Pink finger nails, green toe nails (jeez, hope I'm not turning preppy!) and my gold hoop earrings.  I hope we have a fabulous 2017 even with the obvious 1000 pound, orange gorilla in the room and the changing political tide. 

If I have any real goals for the coming year, they are just to be happy and healthy.  I plan spend more time in Heather mode out in the world and hope to spend nearly every day in some form of women's wear.  As it is, almost all of my time spent at home is in a skirt & blouse and I have a nice assortment of nightgowns.  Hopefully, I'll be able to improve my make-up skills.  I'd like to buy a couple pair of slacks and most importantly a natural looking wig. 

I don't know about "coming out" to more friends or family but that is a decision that I've contemplated just to making my life easier.  We must live our lives in a way that is most fulfilling to ourselves.  I can't explain why I feel better when I'm presenting as a woman but I'm so much more comfortable and happy like this.  Why do people like sex, sports, art, music, jogging, cooking or living in a way with which others may not agree?  Damned if I know, I just like what I'm doing.

I plan to travel more (especially in skirts).

Thank you for reading my many stories.  Happy New Year.

Heather.

Hello friends,

Today is my last weekend day.  What do I have to show for those three days?  Saturday, we went to see my kids.  Sunday, we didn't really do anything.  This morning my wife's phone rang.  Wife's bestie called looking for help building a shelf at the local animal shelter.  I was more than happy to give her a hand.  It was a great feeling to be there, knowing that something I'm doing will improve the experience that all the cats in the building have.  Of course, I'd like to have our friend meet Heather but I'm just not ready.  I just don't want to jeopardize the relationship between my wife and her friend.  Yes, there is always the argument that if Heather isn't accepted then maybe it is better to not be that person's friend.  I don't feel that there would be an issue with acceptance but don't want to mess up their friendship.  Just not worth the risk....

Next thought:  As a person feeling as though they're living with two distinct personalities, I try to keep my life as stable as possible. I don't want to add stress to my existence, before becoming an administrative assistant, I worked at a retail store selling RV parts and scheduling installation of those parts or repairs on privately owned RVs.  I would carry the stress of my day's work home far too often.  I'd love to have the luxury of spending 100% of my time as Heather but reality and life make that an impossibility.  I would like to spend a greater amount of time as Heather in the coming year.  I also have set a goal for myself of taking a full Heather vacation.  I've got a need to go away whether it means taking our little RV to a nearby resort or really going away.   It is that time in my life. 

Shoes:  I've seen people comment about the lack of pretty, colorful or "stylish clothes" available in larger sizes and I agree and feel that this applies to shoes, also.  I'm looking for shoes that are seasonally appropriate but in my size I am only finding athletic shoes or ones that are more dressy than I'm seeking.  The biggest problem is that there are no local stores that carry larger sizes in the styles I want.

Hope your last week of 2016 is nice.

Heather

My visit.

Good morning.  Happy Hanukkah.  Merry Christmas.

My wife and I went to the city yesterday to have dinner with my adult daughters.  Before we left home, I asked if there would be any other people attending.  No, just the four of us.  Ok, engage Heather mode...full speed ahead!  I have a nice green tee/tunic with lace trim at the bottom.  I think the look is complimentary on my figure.  That top with my navy paisley skirt and tights brought out the best of Heather.  On the way out of town, the car needed to be re-fueled.  I took the initiative to pump gas because my wife was too chilly to do it.  We made the seventy mile trip without drama.  This was my first time at their house if full Heather mode.  Youngest daughter opened the door, looked and smiled when she saw me.  Yes, they are very accepting of most things.  That younger generation seems to only have hang-ups about hate, bullying and meanness.  After dinner, I asked what their plan for the evening was.  "Mom is coming over probably around 6:00" was the reply from eldest.  We all get along ok but neither wife nor I really wanted to see Ms. Ex-wife so we knew that we'd be heading out in a short time.  We also needed to meet one of my co-workers so I could sell her a three of the Android tablets we'd bought a few months ago.  It is important to always have an "out" if you don't want to do something!

It was a great visit.  We had lots of fun and silliness.

Happy Holidays

Heather.