2025 is ending and 2026 is near. What does our community do?

Hi, 

I'm here in this space and if you're reading this, thanks for joining me.

My answer to the above question will be "continue moving forward and living in our truth."

I have no interest in shutting down the life I've created. I hope you answer the same way. If marginalized communities give in to the powerful, we admit that we're weak. I'm sixty years old. I've seen stuff in my lifetime. I've seen and heard things that deeply offend me. I've experienced things that deeply offend me and scare me. Admittedly I look back at my life and wonder about some of the things I've done, wondering "what made me do that? I've made mistakes. Learning and growing smarter. I've become enlightened as I move along this path of life. I'll never be perfect but I now try to hold myself to a high standard and make sure to not let bad thoughts control my actions. 

My trip along the path of self-discovery has been pretty good but I wish I'd better embraced Heather (or Cyndi) a quarter century ago when I first was exploring my gender identity. Procrastinating, fear and 20/20 hindsight are a pain but here I am living openly in this space for more than three years. Cyndi was the first name I gave myself back in the olden days but aside from random postings on the late '90s interned boards I never shared it with others

In the nineties I knew what I wanted.  I enjoyed wearing female clothing. There were times I would paint my toenails and wear shoes and socks in Vegas, in summer. I'd wear a bra under my shirt or pantyhose beneath my jeans. She was aware of what I'd wear under my clothes and my preference. Once I told her, I didn't hide it but the kids didn't know. Heck, I had a red fishnet body stocking I'd wear that under my work clothes for a full shift in a manufacturing plant. I don't think my wife at the time ever knew about that one though. 

For three years I've been trying to live openly but there are people I haven't told and places that it's easier to not be openly transgendered. One of my 2025 goals was to share more of my authentic self publicly. My social media page still has my profile showing me in a skirt. My family, friends and the public see that image when my profile is clicked yet many of the family members and friends on that page only know/know of the male persona in real life. 

The most important message I want to share is that if you're breathing it's never too late to take the step to live authentically. I regret not doing more in the late nineties, but I'll never regret taking the step three years ago. I'm a bit jealous of the modern generations who embrace their sense of style and place but I'm also glad for them being real. 

Enough with the past... In 2026 I'd like to be creative. I'd like to make something tangible. I have a couple of crazy ideas that I'd like to explore for the Faire season. I'd like to create a look or outfit of my own. Something to wear for Pirate Fest or Renaissance Faire. "Art clothing" like something inspired by these Instagram pages but it'll be my own idea, design and creation. What made me think of this was seeing someone posting "art bras" that they'd designed. The fun thing about Renaissance Faire is that there are all sorts of time periods represented and the idea I have is certainly 20th century inspired and it will be awesome (or silly) if I can make it happen. I'd also like to try to make actual clothing for myself. I think it would be nice to be able to put my name on a something as "my own." I feel I've lost connection with my creative side and need to do something to change this.  If I'm able to make this happen, I'll share it here.

Happy Solstice to all who celebrate!

I hope to post again before the 25th.

Thanks for being here.

Heather

Saturday 12/6/25 and vacation is over. Welp, continuing this on 12/14.

Hello, 

I'm back from three weeks with my Dad.

The above was started on 12/6/25. It's been in draft mode since that date. Heather, in her typical rushed and hectic manner has let her blog molder.

It's December 14, hello again and we welcome back our blogatrix, Heather.

Yeah, it's been busy. Being away from home for three weeks and going back to work one day after flying didn't give me much down time. I think the worst part is that on my return to work there were people in the office who should have been home using their sick time instead of spreading their germs. Today is the first day that I've not felt like there was something dragging me down medically. And home chores like unpacking suitcases, dirty laundry, dirty dishes and meal prep that couldn't be ignored. Oh, and about that office... It's been uncharacteristically busy and my boss participated in the germ catching event but wisely stayed home for three days leaving us short handed. I guess it's payback for my being off three weeks.

Driving from Bradley airport to the homestead with my sister, we chatted and she told me that our cousin was in the area for work and that she may call.  A couple days later I get a text from her asking if we're available. Of course we were! My cousin lives in Southern California. I live in Nevada. We see each other in Massachusetts, how bizarre! Dad's younger brother was taking her around to sightsee and hoped to catch up with me. They told me about some of the places they'd visited and I shared some of the gems I'd discovered in Western Mass. We both learned about some new and exciting spots to see. It was good to see them. Back in the '70s my uncle had stayed for quite a while with his older sister in California and remained close to them so seeing cousin and uncle was nice. 

Spending three weeks with my Dad was a bit of a challenge. He's 86 and experiencing undiagnosed dementia or some form of cognitive decline. He's set in his ways and lives alone. I understand how my Mom was always frustrated. Dad really wants to help do everything, participate in chores, needs to serve others and cannot remember being told "no Dad, I don't want another seltzer" even though I told him two minutes ago and two minutes before that.. and two minutes before that... I'm not complaining because at 60 years old I still have my Dad in my life.

Good times or rough times with Dad mean that I'm able to have time with Dad. I wouldn't change this because I know that someday it won't be possible.

While there I was able to bring him out of the house nearly every day for fresh air and a change of scenery which he appreciates. We went to some of the places I love to visit and some of the places he loves to visit.

I had errands that needed to be dealt with while in Massachusetts. My wife needed copies of her brother's death certificate. I'd suggested that it would be easy for me to get them and less expensive than ordering by mail since I was only about an hour away. I drove to Watertown, Mass to collect the copies. It's weird that in that area are all the "W" name cities lined up along US Route 20: Watertown, Waltham, Weston, Wayland. That was an easy trip. The Mass Turnpike was a breeze, getting to city hall was simple and the people in the office were terrific. I saw some great old buildings and scenery.

One of the things that I was able to do was get some Christmas shopping done while I was away. Usually when I go back to Massachusetts, I visit the flagship store of Yankee Candle but I skipped it for both of my 2025 trips. While I was away, the office pulled Secret Santa names. I pulled the same person I've pulled at least 3 times before. She wants candles, scented lotion, winter gloves gift cards and other things. I've used up all my hoarded Yankee Candle clearance buys on previous Christmas gifts so I knew I had to try to find some fun and smelly candles. The guy who created the Yankee Candle company started another candle company after selling Yankee to Newell Corporation. Off to Kringle Candle I go and I make a Beeline to the clearance room. I went nuts buying jar candles, those wax melt thingies and votives to satisfy the office Christmas spirit not thinking about whether my treasures would put my checked suitcase over the 50-pound limit. It took a couple of tries rearranging things in that and the carry-ons to get the checked bag weight into the 40's!

Buy Candles Online | Candle Store | Kringle Candle Company 

After Kringle Candle, I drove to our friend's house for Saturday Game night and potluck. Again I used Waze and holy cow, the route I took! From Bernardston, Massachusetts I took Route 10 north to New Hampshire Route 119 east. I'm not used to treelined, narrow and twisty roads since I've lived in the Nevada Desert for 30+ years! I was concerned about fuel in the car and didn't know if or when I'd see a gas station in the middle of nowhere and stopped at the second station I saw. The first one was a Sunoco and said "Full Serve" and I didn't see the pricing so I foolishly chose to drive on. This second place was just across the New Hampshire border and had a huge selection of Asian food and goods.

Gaming at the home of friends was fun. I went two times. The first night was board games with friends. Attending were our host and his wife, their transgender daughter, my wife's brother and his wife, friends from theirchurch and one of their transgender offspring. I've met the host's kids in the past and I don't know if my story is known or not. My wife has told some of the gaming group but whether they all remember or heard her those years ago is debatable. The bummer is that I didn't realize the company I was in until the end of the evening. Hopefully on my next trip, Heather will be in attendance.

The second night of gaming was a night of potluck and roleplaying in the fashion of Dungeons and Dragons. A different group participates in this adventure. My brother-in-law used to participate but he and his bestie had a falling out with another member of the roleplaying group. Maybe things will be patched up before I get to New England again. We had an absolute blast in our campaign and the host/Game Master did an amazing job in creating our adventure.

What can I say, I'm a geek!

I'd mentioned to my Dad that I was interested in taking a drive to the Connecticut coast to see a store that I'd discovered online. I asked if he was up to riding with me for a long-ish drive.

Well, that started a discussion! "Why would I drive to New Haven just to see a store not knowing if they'd have what I wanted? Couldn't I just call and see if they had what I was looking for?"

"Part of going there was the adventure of going to a store I'd never visited and the fun in exploring an area I've only driven through on I-95."  

Yes, I went alone. That morning, Dad slept in and I didn't have the nerve to wake him. The drive down I-91 was easy, exiting was smooth but traffic on Trumbull Street through to Whitney Avenue and the drive into the heart of Yale University was a real slog. I don't know what the holdup was, but it took forever to go a quarter mile. Not knowing the lay of the land or how parking worked in the area I went past the store and did some exploring instead. I drove toward the former location of an old employer at 1131 Campbell Avenue in West Haven. Sadly, Railroad Salvage of Connecticut has closed. There is a McDonalds in the parking lot and their restrooms were satisfactory! I ate my McDouble in the parking lot and enjoyed the quiet.

My next goal was to see the vast expanse of water (LOL) that is Long Island Sound. I set the Waze navigation to Seabluff Beach in West Haven.  It was a hazy, cold November day but it was nice to see a beach and salt water. One of my 2025 goals was to actually see an ocean and Long Island Sound counts in attaining the goal.

After seeing some historic buildings, the Sound, the ruins of Ruby Vine's vast empire and plenty of the Yale area traffic I set out to actually visit the store I drove 70+ miles to see. At 105 Whitney Avenue, New Haven CT is Witch Bitch Thrift, an inclusive store with used garments and "merch." It was a great place to visit. Unfortunately, I didn't find garments that suited my taste or size but I did find some treasures that I'll gift to my kids. The store also has a performance space which hosts entertainment in a small area.

Witch Bitch Thrift | Thrift & Witch Shop 

It also snowed while I was in Massachusetts. I think we enjoyed about 5 inches of snow falling the day before I was to fly home. Yay!

Did I do some of the important things I'd set out to do? Some but not all. I wanted to see Salem, Mass and Old Sturbridge Village. I also didn't go to my hometown's museum. There was a candlelight tour that probably would have been wonderful. These will have to wait until next trip.

Did Heather's older sister get introduced to Heather? No. I didn't get enough time with her for me to get comfortable enough to spill the beans.

While there, I had dinner twice with my Mom's younger sister. I never knew that there was "nice" restaurant in my hometown. We went on a weeknight and it was pretty darned good. The second dinner was at a local pizza joint. Yum. She asked about my nails. I deflected because I think I have to tell my sister before telling auntie. She told me that she was having some medical issues and I was sworn to secrecy. I learned this week that she had a double bypass operation and is not recovering as well as the doctors had hoped.

Did Heather get out of the house? Aside from flying, not really. I brought an assortment of tops in both genders. I knew it would November and December are cold so I took all of my long sleeved tops and a couple tee shirts. Each of the times I saw my sister, aunt, uncle, cousin and friends I was wearing my C or D breast forms and didn't hide anything. Nobody asked and I didn't tell. Every place I went, I wore my regular clothes with obvious breasts, painted nails and sometimes earrings. I was happy.

Did Heather fly? Yes, both ways! No hassles. I've had my bags selected for additional screening in the past for my breast forms but no worries on this flight. 

Do what you love and love what you do. I still believe that the best thing for anyone feeling dysphoric is to live the life you want because your family isn't experiencing your feelings or emotions or needs. Life is too short to stifle the most important feelings that will bring joy to your everyday existence.

Did I chicken out by not telling auntie or my sister? Maybe, but again I have to live with my consequences. If I had told auntie, would it have led to a heart attack? But I knew she already had too much on her plate and burns her candle from both ends with another flame trying to ignite the center. She's always busy, going-going-going. Hmmm. Holy crap, it sounds like my existence. But she's wound up. The type A personality, much more than I'll ever be. I try to not stress out where she takes on everything, still working full time at age 70, in a hospital, in the psych ward...

Wow, this has turned out longer than I had expected but thanks for reading the exploits of Heather in New England.

I'll have more to share soon. 

Have a great December, 

thanks for being here.

Heather.

Proposal part deux. IRL safety.

 Hi again,

Another day, another Wednesday and a tale from the workplace. This has been sitting unfinished since last week. I'm just hitting publish and rolling with it.

Mid day Wednesday, one co-worker is off, two are on lunch I'm ma'aming the front desk. Solo at the front of the office, I'm interacting with the public, answering questions and checking in those who need it. A guy comes in, needs to be checked in.

He's a bit too friendly and starts asking questions. Other people come in, I tell him to sit and wait to be called, checking in the other folks who came in. 

I sign back into the system to deal with his request. 

He asks about earbuds. 

Nope, I don't use 'em. Headphones, over the ear. Never liked earbuds, even 35 years ago when Sony came out with them.

He asks about bluetooth. 

I replied, I don't even use it in my cars. (My car has a bluetooth stereo but I question where the microphone was placed since nobody can hear me when I use it.)  He says something about age. I reply, at sixty I'm older than you think and don't do whatever it was he suggested next. 

I don't like people coming on to me.

I'll bet most of the followers of this page have a "life is short" concept where we fear living our best life because of a "what will they say" effect from their family, friends or the general public. I certainly did and the memory of that still haunts me. I've been planning on telling my only sibling about Heather's existence. I wanted to do so over the past summer but I never had a moment with her where I could spill the beans. I have my next chance Wednesday when I travel east to stay with my Dad while my sister and her husband take a much needed vacation. I honestly believe she's been at least partly aware of my gender non-conformity because I've always shared my photos from Halloween and events I attended in my preferred clothing. 

Time to go.

See you in a few weeks.

Heather.

Proposal! Online safety.

 Hi

Breaking news!

I have an admirer! They're smitten and want to make me their one and only.

Yes, I'm married. I've been married for twenty years. Not interested, not on the market, not even looking.

Of course the important take away is...Be careful when using the internet. Looking at their profile, they propose to many people.

The inappropriate comments that have appeared in my replies are not much different. 

Don't forget to be smart about how you exist in the online world. Be cautious about who you interact with.

Heather.  

Coming soon to an airport near you!

Hello, 

Just a quick message...

I'll be traveling again, soon! I'll be away for about three weeks in November and December and I'll have to figure out how to sign in on the laptop. If I can't... and you don't see me for a few weeks... you'll know where I am. I'm flying out after the holiday and flying back after the holiday weekend.

I'm hoping to see something different than my usual travel activities. Maybe I'll have time to get to some historic location or see a presentation or tour the local library to learn about my hometown. I'd love to take a train trip somewhere or a short rail excursion but I'll also be responsible again for caring for my Dad. 

I have just over a week to do some research. Maybe there's some kind of pride event? Drag bingo? Drag shows?

Oh, I'm looking!

I'll post more before I fly.

Have a great week.

Heather

Marilyn! Halloween 25 or was it 24? Life stuff, too.

 

Hey, that's me in my Marilyn dress!

Greetings! 

Another day in the life.

Yesterday was October 31, a state holiday in Nevada. No work but don't worry, I get to wear a dress to work any day I choose and Thursday was no exception. The above photo is from Halloween 2024, me in all my glory as Marilyn wearing the "iconic" dress. I have worn the blonde wig before and just don't like how I look as a blonde. My birth hair color was brown but 60 years of life has washed much of the color out and now I'm becoming greyer every day. My chosen color is a red/auburn which I've been told works well with my eyes and skintone and I really love it.

Back to Friday's events... We had city errands: pick up spouse's eyeglasses from optician, collect auction items and my spouse had an initial visit with a podiatrist. As usual, I chose to stress out over how to present myself. I didn't want to look like a caricature or seem like I was a cis male wearing a costume. I had an idea of how I'd wanted to look. I wanted to be a bit over the top. I was considering the Marilyn dress since my kids never saw me in it and one of them bought it for me! I was worried that wearing a white dress for an entire day, in public, doing "who knows what" probably wasn't going to be a smart idea.  I settled on my 3 years ago Halloween dress, blue with white polka dots. I really love how it looks on me and it is one of the dresses I've voted in. I go all out. Nylons, sensible heels, lacy slip, blue dotted dress and my new wig.  and now she's with overdressed Heather in public. My spouse was wearing a sleeveless top and shorts while I'm all dolled up. I had talked with her about wanting to be a bit over the top and she was okay with the idea and presentation. 

Photo from 2022: Me after voting in the mid-term election. I really love this dress. This is what I wore Thursday to work and all day Friday. 

 

Out we go, I realize we need to put fuel in the van. I'm way overdressed to be pumping gas in my dress and heels but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Off to auction pickup, been there a zillion times before without any incident but holy cow there were so many cars lined up. People in their cars getting their stuff! Off to the eye doctor. We're now a couple hours from the house, my body was sending me messages about the coffee I'd had earlier. Spouse goes in, returns with new glasses. I said, "Time for me to break my own rule." I go in and say "Hi, I'm with her. It's a long drive. I'd like to use the restroom." No big deal. I don't think the two women recognized their customer of 30 years. I've never been to this office fully dressed up. I almost always wear a bra and breast forms and my tee shirt doesn't hide those facts but I've always presented myself in boy-mode. The doctor is a bishop in his conservative church but he comes across as an open-minded and accepting person. I didn't see him or his daughter, the other doctor in the practice in the office. She seems even more open-minded. If I didn't know better, based on things she's said in the past I'd think she has a female life partner but have neither proof nor evidence to back up my belief.

Off to the main event: podiatrist. New doctors stress her out. Along the way, we stop at a drive-thru for 2 burger combo meals and eat in the doctor's parking lot. Sheesh, what used to be a $4.89 meal is now twice as much...  I remember hearing some hollow promise about "on day one..."

Appointment time arrives, we go inside, check in, paperwork, ID & insurance, co-pay and wait a short time. It was a bit of a bland waiting room but not unwelcoming. The assistant calls us back to an exam room and we again wait a short time. Doc comes in... What a great bedside manner! He had us laughing, Spouse had him laughing, I had us laughing. We talked about her condition and my existence and our living in a conservative small town and my existence... He said he was glad that I chose to live authentically and be out while working with the public. I told him how I've been out for three years, that it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

My guess was that my spouse had Plantar Warts, Doc complimented my diagnostic skills but said I was wrong like many of the GP's who send patients to him.  She has Plantar Fasciitis. He requested x-rays, recommended a course of action and we have a follow up in a month. I might make an appointment for him to look at my feet issues at the same time. It was a great experience for us.

She had conned herself into thinking that there was no stress in seeing a new doctor but when she got to the car, admitted to feeling anxiety before meeting the Doc. Later realizing the stress was totally unnecessary. My stress about Heather meeting a doctor or needing to use a public restroom was also unnecessary.

After the doctor we went across the city for the third time to visit my kids and their Mom. My youngest had made spaghetti earlier in the week and that was dinner. Good call not wearing Marilyn!

We left home at about 11:15 am and returned home about 12 hours later. For her to be out of the house for twelve hours is a rare thing! What a wonderful day out.

Keep this in mind, don't let a fear of others become a barrier to how you live your life. Live for you. What others might think about me can't dictate my happiness. Yep, there might be a small group of people throwing lots of hostility toward our sisters and brothers but I believe most people are accepting of us and/or won't even notice that they just interacted with a transgender person.

Have a great November! 

Thanks for visiting.

Heather

Commentary on the comment section. Pardon me, I'm old.

Moonrise over southern Nevada.

Greetings,

I've been on and off posting here for a number of years and after seeing spam cooking up in reply to my ramblings, I changed some setting on this page to "moderated comments." This was years ago...

As the headline states... Pardon me, I'm old.

I am used to social media platforms with a notification alert icon. 

Automobile site Jalopnik.com notification icon:

Evil social media site:

Archevil social media site:

Even my Outlook email at work has a red dot for notifications. I'm not at work so no screen shot...

Can you guess how surprised I was yesterday when I was actually looking at this front page and see: 

On the right side it has a site counter but nothing indicating "comment awaiting moderation." I clicked that comments link on the left sidebar and viola! Holy something! I have some work to do, reading and responding to the huge list of comments. 

If you've commented and I've never responded or reacted or interacted... now we all know why! It wasn't out of malice, I wasn't aware of the required interaction with a button to unleash the magic of the comment section. Pardon me, I'm old. I offer a heartfelt thank you to everyone who reads my blubbering on this silly blog and please accept my apology for not knowing that I was responsible (irresponsible?) for not replying.

Have a good Tuesday.

Thanks again for visiting and for putting up with my shenanigans!

Heather

Sixty spins around the sun! Lots happening, hop in and lets go!

Hello happy readers!

My photo of the Age of Chivalry Renaissance Festival. I'm not visible since I'm behind the camera.

Welcome back to another edition of this old broad. My spouse says I have broad shoulders and the older I get, the broader I, uh... become? Well, actually my weight has been steady for a couple of years...

Now that I've probably offended someone. No offense intended. I never use the term in that context, like that might be the first time I've ever uttered it either verbally or typingly. (Is that even a real word? If not... It is now! Get Merriam-Webster on the phone, STAT!)

A quick, goofy story about that word from 40+ years ago. I had bought a used Pinto hatchback for $1100 and as much as history doesn't look favorably on the Ford Pinto and the "huge number of deaths" caused by rear impacts. The legal allegation was that there were hundreds or thousands of deaths in rear collisions but the reality was the number was in the dozens. My car was from model year 1977, after the modifications were mandated by federal government. I digress. I bought that car with 77000 miles in winter or spring of 1984. It was a decent and reliable little car. The hatchback meant it could swallow fairly big things and it earned by quite a bit of money doing side jobs moving household goods for strangers. Tie a sofa on the roof and slide loveseat in the closed hatch, drive it 10 miles, tote it into an apartment and snag a quick $20. Gotta be resourceful when you're young! 

Spring of 1985 comes and I'm wanting to buy a new car. I was a nineteen year old working at a minimum wage job, hauling furniture and other household goods in my yellow Pinto and needed to go upscale. I go to the dealers looking at the new cars, gee I'd like a Mustang! Oh, look at that Mercury Capri! Wow, a Honda Prelude and that new CRX is great! Back to the Ford dealer, oh I could afford a Ford Escort but that two seat EXP is cool! 

image courtesy slashgear.com  https://www.slashgear.com/1477079/ford-exp-guide/ 

My dad says to me, "You don't want a two seat car, what if you go out and a bunch of broads want to go with you?" Yeah, he went there. The reality was that I was never a "player" like that and the likelihood of filling the car with a bunch of random women never actually happened. I look further at the Escort and realize that there was a mid-cycle refreshing of the Escort for spring 1985 including a bigger engine and a more modern front and rear fascias. After reading up on the differences I was sold me on the newer model. In 1985, I bought a new car for under $7000 while working at a minimum wage job... Full disclosure, while minimum wage was $3.35 I probably was up to $3.75 and ridin' high while rollin' in the dough taking home $130 per week. I bought a new 1985.5 Escort L and sold that 1977 Pinto for $1200 after driving it about 17000 miles in a year. I drove the heck out of that Escort for 8 years and put almost 120000 miles on it. Like the Pinto, it was mostly a great ownership experience with few problems and inexpensive to drive.

This same Dad of mine joked that if I were born a few days later, I'd have been named Chris in honor of Indigenous People's Day. I'd asked him a few years ago about this and he said "aww, I was only joking." Friendly reminder to parents out there, BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY TO YOUR KIDS! Kids don't always know when something is a joke or satire or just being said as a gag! I've always tried to be aware of the things I'd say to my kids when they were young because I knew they were little sponges, picking up on things like "we were going to name you Chris," or calling women "broads," or overt racism/sexism/homophobia, or using abusive or offensive language. I think I was lucky since my parents were not users of the N word and didn't speak poorly of people who were non-white around me. I do think they were a product of their time and probably had some of the "isms" that they tried to keep suppressed. I know my Mom's stepdad had lots of the "isms." I know he was a sexist, racist and probably closeted. 

Yesterday was our annual visit to the Age of Chivalry Renaissance Festival in Las Vegas. 

https://lvrenfair.com/ 

Every year, my goal is to try to look like a woman of ill repute and instead come across appearing to be a robust 15th century woman wearing modern sandals. I remember the first time I went with the kids as adults was the time decided I won't be wearing male clothing here again.

The weather in Southern Nevada has been affected by Hurricane Priscilla 

Photo courtesy FB dot com user Tedd Florendo 

We've experienced: rain, thunder/lightning, wind and the worst thing for desert dwellers: HUMIDITY! When I was getting dressed I had pulled out one of the silicone breastplates in hopes of wearing it and having a formidable bustline. I pull it on with help of my spouse, the skintone is a bit lighter than my actual color but with the right clothing, it works. I get my skirt and notice a huge tear in the fabric at the front. Not necessarily a bad thing but I wasn't expecting it and put that option aside. All this time, I'm moving about the house, topless in the breastplate. It's probably about 75 degrees with at least 50% humidity and I'm getting warmer and wetter with ever step. I make the executive decision to skip the breastplate idea. We remove the boobs; both the silicone and my skin are completely soaked. Good call! Time to rethink the entire outfit. I dig through my stuff and find a thin brown skirt. It's nearly sheer. It fits! I grab the tattered white blouse I own exclusively for fairs and festivals and try to figure out how to best present the girls. Many postings ago on July 2, I'd shared my buying and trying the long line bra from Exquisite form. I chose to wear the black version yesterday. Review update; The boning on the right flank would poke me when I sat in a vehicle. It wasn't a fatal flaw is I'd guess that it is related to operator error.

Duh, that's not me!

Knowing the sheerness of my skirt, I needed something to add a bit of modesty. From the same auction house, I'd recently bought a satin chemise knowing that I wear it as a slip or nightwear. 

Also not me!

https://www.amazon.com/lime-flare-babydoll-lingerie-sleepwear/dp/B07WPQCCQ1?th=1&psc=1 

Quick review, good call! Comfy and made me feel like a million bucks!

I tried it over my bra, under the blouse & skirt and it was a great combination. I chose to tie the blouse, leaving the black lingerie exposed. Every time I'd look down, I'd see the shape of breasts and feel great and a bit too exposed. Every time I wear a new top that has a deep V cut, I feel like I'm naked and on display. It's weird since I believe in bodily freedom and support the right for men or women to dress as we wish AND I also believe there should be no shame for having whichever body shape or size we have. I guess the ambiguous feelings are just lingering pieces of the puritanical repression prevalent in western society.

We were still experiencing wind when we got to the shuttle parking lot. I get out of my van and the wind pulls a Marilyn on me, lifting my skirt. Good thing I took the advice of my youngest by wearing boyshort panties under the skirt! Overall, I made a good decision in my clothing choice. Looking at the photos from yesterday, I look a bit sloppy but my clothes were okay. Aside from the very long wait for the shuttle to collect us, the whole event was as much fun as every other year. It used to be a good excuse to get out of the house wearing my preferred clothing but now it's about the experience. The experience was great. I didn't interact with many people but there was on that stood out. Walking around, a woman in a lovely dress complimented ME about my outfit! It was totally out of the blue. Dang, that was a huge ego boost!

As we were leaving the event last night, I jokingly said to my youngest that I wasn't slutty enough. I've always wanted to be farther on the naughty scale for one of these events. I guess I have a year to really plan. (Or another year to procrastinate?)

Yes, I turned 60. I think I felt every one of those years with each step I took yesterday. I wore a pair of Clark's sandals yesterday. These sandals never impressed me with their comfort but are generally tolerable. I don't know if it was humidity or footwear choices I've made recently that caused my discomfort or a combination of these and other factors like age... I've been wearing new heels to work. My back has been feeling a bit stressed lately. That also could be a factor. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about aging. Living openly is possibly the best thing I've done. Going out wearing whatever I like brings me joy.

Are there still jerky people who misgender me? Yup. They're just ignorant twits.

Current events:

According to major world governments:

• I'm someone who should be institutionalized because of my choosing to live openly.
• Because I'm critical of the current administration, the government wants me arrested for being a terrorist.
• I'm also a conservative target because I'm against fascism. I'm glad to align with the anti-fascist movement. All those times George Soros allegedly sent checks to "resisters," I wish I had gotten some of those fresh, sweet dollar bills!

I'm not sitting quietly. I'm not hiding or quivering in the closet. I'm sixty years old. I've played by the rules for my entire life. I treat others with the respect I expect be shown to me. I've worked hard and paid my way through life. We all need to participate to protect our nation's democracy.

Here's your daily reminder to go out and live your life. Stand up for your Constitutionally guaranteed rights to freedom of speech, your freedom of/from religion, your freedom to protest, your freedom of movement and all the other protections laid out in the Bill of Rights and US Constitution.

Here's a quick link to our nation's highest law. 

https://ballotpedia.org/United_States_Constitution  

We're here today. More people are coming out daily. We have the support of a large percentage of the population; our leaders seem to think that repression is the best path forward. Again, see the paragraph and link above!

Have a great week.

Do something special for yourself. Get an extra cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Have your brows waxed. Get your ears pierced. Buy a new dress! Get your nails done. Mine are black with spider webs drawn on the "ring" fingers! Never had them done in black or had a design and I love it! 

Life's too short to not get the most out of it.

Thank you for viewing my page.

Heather

Influence. First Amendment rights. Censorship. Acceptable use and 2025

October 11 is International Coming Out Day.

If you're reading this, you're already aware that I'm living openly as a transgender woman in a conservative town. 

I set a challenge to myself at the beginning of 2025 to be out to more people publicly in my private life. I am out to some of my medical providers and other are possibly never going to be told. It isn't worth adding another level of stress to my existence just to tell people something that won't make a difference in their life. If I see the provider one or two times per year and they aren't made aware of my reality, so be it. If they ask, I probably will spill the beans.

My personal social media page has had a photo of me in a skirt for a number of years. I've never stated that I'm a transgender woman on Fakebook and until recently, I'd never followed any pages that show any kind of connection to the LGBTQ community. I don't know when it happened but something changed in my algorithms. I use two different browsers for my two personae. Google Chrome for the original person and Microsoft Edge for Heather. I'm signed in to both browsers as the respective user and I didn't link the two accounts so some shenanigans must have happened where the Chrome browser was snooping on Heather's Edge browsing history. This spring I started seeing more and more transgender content in my Fakebook feed. Lo and behold I decided that I'm okay with my personal promise to not hide in the shadows and started "liking" and "following" that content.

Yeah, social media is a scourge on society. I curate the things in my feed. If I see trash in my feed I click "not interested" or "block user." Same with the advertisers in that timeline. I also use an adblocker that usually works fairly well. Garbage does appear in my feed and there are times when "breaking news" clogs the feed with tributes to people unworthy of the oxygen they'd consumed during their living days but again "not interested" is called to action. Of course, there are times when any interaction with that content makes the algorithm add more of the objectionable BS to my feed and I'm not so ignorant to believe that clicking "not interested" is truly effective at anything more than giving me a feeling of doing something. It's like the alleged "community standards" applied to social media. When reported, hateful, bigoted, racist, homophobic and offensive content usually comes back with" 

"We didn't remove the comment

To keep our review process as fair as possible, we use the same set of Community Standards to review all reports.

We've taken a look and found that this content doesn't go against our Community Standards.

We understand that this might be upsetting so we recommend exploring the options available to control what you see.."

Yup, fascism, hate speech, directed insults, bigotry, personal attacks and homophobic content doesn't go against their "community standards." Years back I shared an article from Australia. It was a fascinating article about indigenous culture. The cover photo was a profile photo of a Native Australian woman wearing just a skirt and body paints. I got flagged with a strike for posting nudity.  Community standards.

Yeah, you know where this is heading.

I'll be brief with the rest of my rant... 

Don't make the fearless leader angry!

If the punishment for repeating the words uttered by a person is immediate termination but calling for lethal injection of homeless people and people suffering from mental illness brings no repercussions, we've already gone around the bend toward totalitarianism.

I'm not a fan of Colbert but Kimmel's show was entertaining. Comedians have offered their opinion of a president for generations. People shout that they're too political now. BS! 

Remember the important words. Don't make the fearless leader angry!

Also remember the words I recently posted in this space: 

"Here's my deal...

I'm not hiding. I lived my life, hiding the real me, for much too long. I've been "out" for nearly 3 years and I WILL NOT be returning to the closet.

Stand proud. Shout it out loud. WE ARE NOT GOING AWAY!"

Earlier this year I shared this:

"I think many of us are a bit worried about the future of our civil rights. I have no interest in going back in the closet."

If I let fearless leader and his pals win it will affect the future of any person who views themself as "different" from the textbook definition of whatever thing fearless leader's posse is trying to control. I'm nonconforming and damned proud of this fact!

Have a great week. Be visible. Be aware. Be loud and proud. Be safe!

Thanks for reading this installment.

Heather.

Here's a link the Wikipedia's history of the transgender flag page.

Transgender flag - Wikipedia

2025. Call me woke. I'm not a monster. If you're non-binary or transgender LGBTQ+, you're not either.

Good afternoon.

Despite the rumors about transgender folks, the majority of us are not the problem.

What do we want? Sometimes, all we (wee?) need is to pee.

Yes, there are lots of humans. And when you have a population, there's a likelihood that every population will be representing in most demographics. If you listen cable news or the right podcasts, you'll learn that people are claiming transgender folks are the only people causing the majorities of the nation's problems. 

Here are the troubles I'm causing: I go to work five days a week. I pay my taxes. I buy food, clothing, auto supplies and household goods. Thus, I expect to be treated the same as any other person.

I post some incendiary things online: Stories about my life and my experiences. Information about events I've attended and products I've bought to enhance my female presentation.

They call us woke. Guilty as charged! Woke, to me, means that I'm enlightened and aware.

I'm not ashamed of who I am or how I live. I do the best I can to survive and maintain my mental health and support my spouse! There is no reason to shame a person who is minding their own business.

There is never a reason to target others for how a life is lived. Especially when the targeting is based on religion. We must never use religion to target others, also. If we consider the motivation of those targeting members of the transgender community, they claim to be using Christianity to target people for how we live our lives. I was raised Catholic. I don't remember the part in Sunday School where Jesus proclaimed, "Treat others poorly. Attack them for their beliefs! Shun the needy and hungry!" The big messages I remember were "love thy neighbor and to turn your cheek."

Here's my deal...

I'm not hiding. I lived my life, hiding the real me, for much too long. I've been "out" for nearly 3 years and I WILL NOT be returning to the closet.

Stand proud. Shout it out loud. WE ARE NOT GOING AWAY!

Thank you for standing with me,

I'll be back.

Heather

Flying as a transgender person in 2025 is possible, so far...

Hi and welcome back,

With the last posting I announced a week away to see my Dad, older sister and her husband. The flight out from Vegas was chaotic. Delays and cancellations and poor communication from the airline led to losing an entire day of vacation. The original flight was departing Tuesday night with arrival around 8:00 am at Bradley. I checked in 24 hours prior to the scheduled departure time, went to bed, got up for work, get there and open my phone to get the "two factor authenticator" allowing me to access the computer network and see a string of messages from the airline. First up was a message announcing potential weather delays which came through after midnight. Next was a series of messages received in short succession around 7:15 am telling of my flight's cancellation and if I chose to not fly, I could get a refund. Next was the details of the new flight and times. Leaving Vegas around 6:00 am and arriving at Bradley around 8:00 pm. Ugh. Ultimately, I didn't get there until about 10:45 pm after a series of weather delays and airport closures due to stormy weather. Got to the house around 11:30.

A bit of advice for transgender travelers, make sure your gender marker on your airline itinerary matches your "official state issued ID gender marker."  I vaguely remember changing my marker to X with the airline but my ID matches my photo taken in 2012. This added an extra trip from the security check point back to the airline check-in counter and if you're not careful it could really put you behind schedule. The security line was shorter than the one at check-in. It added about ten minutes to my trip through the airport. 

Yes, Heather flew from Vegas to Bradley. That was the only real problem I'd encountered. Because of the flight changes, my boarding position changed for the worse. Way back of the plane for both legs of the outbound flight. Among the last in and out of the plane. I discovered the "assistance" restrooms within the concourse at Bradley on this trip. I didn't want to shock my sister so I used the restroom and switched my top to a male t-shirt and removed my auburn hair and went natural. 

• I never had a time where I was able to come out to her. 
• I did show off my nails. I was honest about my natural nails constantly breaking, splitting and causing bleeding. Telling how it was one of the best decisions I've made.
• During this trip there was never a time when I wasn't wearing a bra and C or D breastforms. I don't know which I brought.
• No mention was made about this by my family.
• Visiting friends in New Hampshire, no mention was made about my nails or breast size. The host of Saturday evening has a transgender child. Usually, his family doesn't stick around long but this visit was much different. Wife and T child shared dinner with the friends and the conversation was amazing. It was pretty great.

It was a quiet visit. Aside from the trip to New Hampshire, I didn't do anything. 

For the return trip I wore basically the same clothes with a button up shirt over my blouse, found another "assistance" restroom and put myself back together for the long, uneventful flight west.  

What color did pick for my nails? Do I like them? What is the plan for the future of my nails? This and many other questions a will be answered below!

My nails have the color of a cup of "regular" coffee from Dunkin Donuts. The salon had just received a new color selection palette. I also learned that there is an option of matte finish or glossy! I picked the matte. 

Do I like how they look? Yep! I love the color and shape. While looking at the color choices, I saw one that in brick red. I'm doing that in two weeks with the matte finish. For the October choice, I think I'm doing a pink tourmaline look since it's my birthstone. 

For now, I'm signing off. I'll post again soon.

Thanks for stopping in

Heather

The state of travel in 2025.

Hi,

I recently shared that I'm going to see my family again. I'll be flying from Vegas to Bradley Airport in Windsor Locks, CT. I'm due to get my nails done in about a week. I have to make some decisions. Do I go subtle or boldly? At this time, they're a root beer/cream soda/golden cat's eye metallic with an almond shape.

And do I fly fully presenting as Heather and shock my sister when she sees her baby sister in real life for the first time? When I'm there, I'll be seeing people I know in real life. Do I go big, bright and bold with my nails? There are people who won't be expecting to see a gender non-conforming person visiting them. The people who have no idea about this important part of me. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. 

I'm not taking my nails down to their natural state for anything. Getting fake nails was one of the best choices I've ever made for myself. I love the fact that they don't break or split and they always get compliments, ALWAYS!

Maybe a subtle color will be right. Ugh, BORING! 

I do have to bring male clothes. Regardless of the nail situation, family and friends, I'm hoping to have at least one day where Heather can get out. Also, I think I've chosen to fly presenting as female, especially given the current opinion coming from DC. Tom Petty sang about how he "Won't Back Down" and if I give in to political pressure, I've released the autonomy over my life. We can't give up. 

What a bunch of blabbing up there! I'm all over the place. We'll see if I have the mental capacity to proofread it or will I just hit publish? (I'm guessing "publish.") (Nope, still scattered but did some editing.)

We can't give up. 

Here's a photo of the Goldfield, NV firehouse and their antique fire engine, taken 8/7/22. My kids and I went to Hot August Nights in Reno back in 2022 and when we passed through Goldfield, the annual Goldfield Days event was wrapping up. This trip was the first "going away" trip where Heather went without a way to chicken out and wear male clothes. I'm sure I've told the tale in this forum. It was the beginning of the best next chapter (current chapter) of my life and why I twice said "we can't give up."

Regarding my upcoming trip and the hopes for Heather time, I already have plans to see friends in Southeastern New Hampshire in boy mode and I would like to visit places like Salem and Salisbury, Mass or maybe Hampton, NH. I do have two swimsuits! These thoughts stirred the pot of ideas, now I'm looking into staying a night out there so I can have a day to myself. It would save lots of driving. I'll talk to my sister. 

Every one of us is living a life. Whether you're conforming or nonconforming with societal norms, we all lose if the bullies win. 

I'll update y'all on what happens in the next episode of "As the Heather Turns."

Thanks for reading my goofy page. I hope it's entertaining.

Heather

Could you?

Hola~

Is it possible to just be? To not need to think out everything before doing it?

Could you do this?

Answering any of these with a "no" reply is okay if it fits your place in life. I can't expect anyone to do something that's beyond their safety zone. It took me 56 years to live and work as Heather on a daily basis and in public. I think many of us are a bit worried about the future of our civil rights. I have no interest in going back in the closet.

Early in the process of my current personal revolution, I would be getting ready to do whichever mundane public chore I'd given myself and I'd get myself worked up, anxious about the contradicting internal voices telling me why I should or should not go out in my chosen wardrobe. I can't say that these thoughts have fully left. Prepping for work reveals the strength Heather has over the rest of my existence. Showering and that part of the routine is rough. I just don't want to go to work. I'm old and cranky and the ridiculousness of modern life is a harsh opponent. Alas, Heather's got this. Once she realizes it's better than the lousy job we had before this the task of getting ready is easier. She remembers that she's working at a nothing job that pays well, a job that isn't physically or mentally challenging. On top of all this... Heather looks fabulous while working. Could you do this? 

Our world has made daily life pretty stressful. The pressures to not become a target, to maintain the confidence to move forward or earn a living can be overwhelming but becoming Heather on a daily basis is all that I need to motivate me. I have safety at work, so far. As long as I can remain employed there until I'm eligible for Medicare for me and my spouse, we should be okay.

Travel is coming.

Could you comfortably travel by plane in 2025 as a transgendered person? Would you feel safe going through a security checkpoint with an ID that doesn't conform with your presentation? In the past I've done it without any issue but there wasn't the level of hostility toward members of certain parts of the LGBTQ community that's reared its ugly head since January. I don't know what I'm going to do. In a few weeks I go to New England for a long weekend. I think this will be the trip where I tell my sister and her husband about Heather's full-time existence. On one of my previous trips, Dad met Heather but he doesn't usually remember things five minutes after he was told. My sister has seen Heather's Halloween photos but never in person. I think the time is right to be open with her. Flying from Vegas as Heather will be easy, I think. Connecticut still has LGBTQ safeguards, too. It shouldn't be an issue. But those darned "what if's" are always there. 

Will Heather be flying in August? Will my sister learn that after nearly 60 years she's got a younger sister?

I am almost certain I'll be flying as Heather and I feel the need to tell my sister about my reality. Coming out to everyone is one of my life goals for 2025. I'll share the results of these choices after my return.

The only awkward thing will be getting to the airport and her seeing me dressed without knowing first.  I still have to reconcile this. I can stop in a restroom before getting to baggage claim and do a quick change.

This composition has taken me about three days to build. Time to hit "publish" and think about the next installment.

Photo by Heather D. Waters, copyright 2022.

Have a good week.

Chat later,

Heather

Clothes make the ma'am!

Hi!

It's late on July 2.

In the past I've told the tale of buying from a nearby auction company that's selling Amazon and other retailer returns. One of the most recent items I bought was an Exquisite Form "long line bra" size 46C in beige. I laundered it and gave it a test fit last week. I was pleasantly surprised by how it looked when I tried it on. Years ago I did a fifties look for Halloween with a variation of the Poodle Skirt where my skirt had a stylized cat on it. I tried to find the perfect bra to wear for my desired look under my white top but never found something that gave me a bullet bra effect.  I found the desired look in this bra. When I realized that I had a very pointy look from this bra, I wished it was winter so I could find a pullover sweater and look like a plump "sweater girl."

The funny thing about this bra is that I've had the same model bra in black for about three years and only wore it a handful of time. I never could accept the look it gave me.  But with this new one, I figured out that if I wear smaller breast forms like a letter D instead of the letter G, the perfect look. After trying the new one I tried the old one and it gave the same shape! 

 exquisiteform.com 

On their site, it sells for $28 plus tax, title and registration. Full disclosure, the bra I bought three years ago was bought from the reselling auction company for $1 plus tax and fees so I think the total purchase price was a whopping $1.25. The Beige one like the photo cost me $2.50 after fees two weeks ago.  We also have to add in the expense of driving 140 miles round trip with the fuel and nearly 3 hours of my life spent getting there and back. When I make this trip, I nearly always will be doing something else like seeing my kids or making a Costco run.

My review of this product is a full five stars of satisfaction.

Take care and live your life to the fullest!

Heather

Do the things that will please you! Get your nails done.

Nails! 

I believe that if you want to get a manicure and fake nails applied, just do it. Before I had them done professionally, I'd paint my nails on a Friday night and just go about my business all weekend. In boy mode or not, I'd usually have some color on my nails in the house and out on the town or shopping. 

I'm nearly sixty years old. If people have a problem with my decisions and choices, too bad! They're not living my life, responsible for my expenses or working my job.

Get. Your. Nails. Done!

If you want to have your brows waxed, do it. You want earrings? I did. I had each ear pierced with three holes. Two have closed on each side due to lack of use... But I wear something every weekday in my ears. It helps with my female presentation. You've gotta give the visual cues about who you are!

None of us are getting any younger.  Don't get to the end of the journey and feel like you've let your real self down because you're not being authentic to yourself.

The red manicure is from last October when I was dressing as Marilyn for Halloween. This was the first time I'd had acrylics done. I haven't stopped getting them done since!

This was the polish I chose for December. I picked a similar polish with bolder glitter for February.

These photos are my current style. Green "Cats Eyes." It's a 3D effect that looks pretty terrific! It's only Monday and I was dealing with the public for just a short time and I had two consecutive customers gush over my nails!

My ruler showing that my nails are about 1/4" long.  I went a week ago Saturday and you can see how much they've grown out. I think I prefer them rounder like the red instead of the squircle style of the green.

This last photo is from a trip my kids and I took to Reno's "Hot August Nights" car event back in 2022. We stopped in Goldfield, NV to visit the "International Car Forest of the Last Church."

InternationalCarForestoftheLastChurch 

(Hope the link works!) If it doesn't, it's a dot com...

On this trip, I brought exclusively female clothes for the weekend. No backup plan. No way to chicken out. It was before I was "out" at work.  I had a pair of women's shorts that I decided to wear under one dress that I discovered was shorter than I'd expected. But the entire weekend in public was spent as Heather.  It was the beginning of her liberation.

Really, go out and live your best life! You probably won't regret anything and if you do, you'll have quite the tale to tell afterward.

I rarely post actual photos of me! I guess I picked a photo that matters for the last day of Pride Month, 20205. Yeah, the whole blog has my mug on it... I know.

Have a great week.

Heather

Purge!

Oh no!

Don't worry, it's not what you're thinking.

To purge, in the world of a transgender person, is to take away all of your clothing and accessories that associate with your real identity. Either throwing it away or donating to a charitable organization or worse possible option... rage destroying the stuff.  We purge to protect some part of us that feels unsafe. We feel threatened by someone learning our "little secret" or something happening in our world to upset our safety net.

In 2005, I purged my entire female existence.  I was buying a house and my best friend/future wife was moving in with me at this home. We each had separate apartments and the stuff to fill both places and our belongs would be filling a 53-year-old house that was about 1000 square feet.  We donated redundant furniture; small appliances and I donated lots of clothing.  I was adamant about her not going through my stuff because I had concealed Heather's clothes in with my excess and unneeded male clothing.  She wanted to try reselling some of my better clothing and things. She was aware that I had attended adult themed Las Vegas Halloween Balls a few years prior dressed in women's clothing but she didn't know yet that this was the life I wanted to live.

Today's purge is different. I'm going through my closet and purging much of the male clothing. I haven't gone to work in male attire in nearly three years and rarely go out in public presenting as a male.  I don't need twenty plus button down shirts.  I don't need ten pair of "dress slacks." I have a pair of boy jeans a couple pair of "nice" pants and shirts in case I need to travel east. I'll keep even though I haven't worn them probably in a year or more. The last few times I've been out and presented as male, I've worn either my women's jeans or the women's slacks I wear to work.  Why do I need a full wardrobe of male clothing that I'll never wear?  

I just got off the phone with my Dad and told him about getting rid of some of the excess clothing.  He suggested that I keep everything because (he's a thrifty New Englander) I might need the clothes in the future!  Dad, I won't ever wear them again.  I didn't remind him about my preference of wearing women's attire, though.  He's seen Heather in person a number of times and I've told him my story.  Dad's 86 and doesn't remember anything that happened in the last five years.

What will I do with the things I'm about to banish from my house? I'm going to bring them to the LGBTQ group that I attended a few weeks ago.  They're starting a clothing closet for transgender people.  I'll be making another person's transition and existence a bit easier.  Having been to the group meeting, I realized that there are lots of people who are struggling to just get some of the basic things that I have an excess of. Some of the folks don't enjoy the luxury of a job that requires (so far) full acceptance of a person's chosen identity, and some don't even have the luxury of employment.  It isn't that I didn't know, I work in the world of helping needy folks at my job.  I'm not rollin' in the dough but I don't worry about my next meal or losing the roof over my head. I'll also donate some of my women's clothing that I never wear. I have plenty and surely someone will benefit. (Don't call me Shirley!)

 Hopefully my meager contribution will help my sisters and brothers who just need a hand up to a less stressful life.

Have a great Sunday afternoon.

Heather.

Group! Outreach! LGBTQIA community. Get in the circle.

 Hi!

I went last night. It surely pushed some buttons for me. Will I go back? Yes. The trek is about 70 miles each way and it happens each Friday evening. Three hours driving after working a truncated shift of 6.5 hours. I left work at 3:30pm, drove home, added snack/water/ice blocks and stuff to my cooler bag, switched cars and started driving. I had one stop to make along the way, fighting rush hour traffic I get to the home of my kids. Gasoline and time add up.

The experience was good. There were people of all ages and identities in attendance. They said that the attendance was probably more than they'd had ever before?!? That's good news. Did I learn anything? I can't say that I did but the messages affirmed what I've been saying. "Live for yourself." Take care of yourself." 

Like many groups, I saw that there were people who weren't the facilitators but wanted to speak. Hopefully they aren't the kind of people who need to be the center of attention. 

After group, the building was to close at 8:00pm and we all went outside to mingle and chat. I did feel old though. It was nice to be social but I didn't really chat with people close to my age. I'm so socially awkward and uncomfortable in new situations.

The other offspring went grocery shopping with her mom while we went to the meeting. Dinner was supposed to be ready when we returned but the shopping took more time than expected. They wanted us to buy dinner and bring it back to the house. Sub sandwiches was the choice. We go to the sub shop which is half way between the facility and their house. CLOSED! No subs, too late. We call the oldest and break the news, she was upset. We suggest pizza from a place in the same parking lot. Oldest says, "you know what I like..." We move the car and realize that about 15 people we had just been with were enjoying pizza. We order, hang out, chat and then the pizza was ready.

Back to the house we go... Grumpy oldest kid sulks into the kitchen. We set the table, call their mom in for dinner and break into the pizza and garlic bread. OMG, it was SO good! Oldest was stuffing her face and I saw a bit of a grin emerge... I pointed it out and the grump was gone.

Overall, it was a nice night and quite interesting.

Heather. 

Big step Friday. Another FIRST.*

 Hello everyone,

Tonight, I'm going to a support group meet up with my youngest kid. I've known about the place for years and have recommended them to attend. We wanted to go but never had it happen. Tomorrow night will be my first visit and the offspring's third visit. I took off from work a bit early so I can make the trek into the city. Apparently there are people ranging in age from about 16 to around my age. I'm excited to see how this works and of course I'll share the experience.

* Full disclosure,.. Yeah, back in the late nineties I went to a couple Tri ESS meetings.  One or two at a private home and one at a LGBTQIA bar. I don't remember much about them, I just remember being uncomfortable. The gurls were nice and friendly enough but I was way out of my element and out of place since I was probably at least 20 years younger than everyone else in attendance. Most of the gurls in attendance were probably my current age... nearly 30 years ago. I think the chapter head was Michelle.  Does Tri Ess still exist? I haven't looked for them in a bunch of years. Yes... triess.org still is there. Looking at the Tri Ess website and a basic internet search doesn't show a southern Nevada chapter. We always need community and sisterhood. Hopefully the world will remember that we're all people and stop treating us like monsters.

A coworker was talking about gender issues with me. You can tell she watches fox news, unfortunate as it is because she mentions the hot button topics that are usually in the news: Sports, Bathrooms, the advantage some transgender folks supposedly enjoy in society. I remind her that our population is a relatively small percentage of overall society and that we sometimes just need to pee but hostilities against our sisters both cisgender, transgender and non-binary have made it unsafe to use a toilet. I've also told her that we don't choose to endure the stress of feeling like we're in the wrong body. It would really be much easier if people could just exist without being judged.

Living in society is easy most of the time as Heather. The hardest part is getting past my own barriers and silencing the voices in my head that echo the things we were taught as kids. "Boys don't do that." "That's only for girls." "What will people say?" "What will they think?" "I've lived here my whole life, what will our neighbors say about us?" At 59.5 years old, I no longer care about any of those questions. I can tell you directly that my neighbor to the east will hate Heather because of the political sign that's still in front of his house nearly 8 months after an election. I'm here. I will not go back and cower in the closet. I will continue to live my live and I might have a TACO.

have a great Friday! 

Heather

From the desk of Heather...

 Hello

Tuesday afternoon was our annual visit with the GP. No, I didn't have "the talk" with her. The office was too chaotic. I will eventually do so. The doctor wants tests on my thyroid.  Nothing too scary. The 240 pound bear in the room was me going to this visit after working 4 hours at the office. The only changes I made in the time between work and doctor was a soft bra instead of the underwire and a  different size/shape breast form. The younger female nurse gushed over my nails, like always and neither the doctor, her son/receptionist and the "right hand man" male nurse reacted to my appearance. My spouse said the doctor looked puzzled when she held the stethoscope to my chest, listening to my heartbeat and felt the incline of the breast form. 

One of my "resolutions" for 2025 was to be out to everyone. I don't know if I'm truly comfortable being out to everyone but I'm intending to reduce the number of people who don't know about Heather. Two and a half years living openly as a woman and going to work 5 days per week in my conservative town has made Heather rather comfortable in her existence even with the current hostile political climate. THAT is part of why I'm wanting to be out to almost everyone. I refuse to go back into the closet. My clothes aren't hurting anyone. My existence isn't hurting anyone. I hope we can all stand together and fight the oppression that the tiny thumb is trying to illegally exert on our communities. 

Go out and live your best life! I am, every day. I hope you do, too.

I still worry about going out in my clothes (heck, in today's world nothing is safe... right?) but I don't ever want to change back to living a drab existence.

Thanks for visiting...

Heather

Monday, Memorial Day 2025. Never forget.

 Hi. 

We often are reminded that this is the "unofficial start of summer" and the day that it becomes socially accepted to wear white in public but don't forget the sacrifices of the men and women who have given their lives in service in the name of freedom and liberty.

May their sacrifices never be forgotten or be in vain.

Freedom and liberty are for all. We must remember that fact.

Please don't allow someone force an opinion on you about the freedoms Americans enjoy and how we must restrict the freedom of expression or rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" because they disagree with my existence. I'm here. The years of anguish about wanting to no longer be "him" are behind me. I live comfortably as Heather every day. I'm proud to contribute to society and pay my way along the path. 59 years old, I refuse to go back to the closet. 

Friends, stand firmly for your principles.

Heather

ps, May and June are the end of our medical calendar year. Annual GP visit, eye doctor and a couple other appointments before the end of June. Yay!

Tomorrow afternoon is the GP visit. She's in her late-sixties and a conservative Filipino Catholic that we've been seeing for nearly 20 years. She's seen me dressed authentically one time but I brushed it off as a gag. But since that time, for every visit I've had my nails "done" and haven't hidden them from anyone in her office. I think that the initial surprise has worn off and since I'm working a half shift and we'll be driving to the city after lunch, I don't intend to change my clothes. I think I might have "the talk" with her and ask about what my next steps will be.

I'll keep ya posted!

May 25, 2025. A month post (successful) surgery.

 Hi everyone,

It's been a month... Yes, the deviated septum surgery happened on 4/28. I've been to all of the follow up visits. My doctor said that every part of the surgery was perfect and my recovery went great. I can breathe better.

I've been just living every day to the fullest. Go to work. Go home. Work. Home. Wash, rinse, repeat...

Until...

Today!

Our friend had invited us to a barbecue at her Stepmom's house. We went last year and had a lovely time. d food. Good company and a good time.  We were invited again, of course. Our trip this year, I decided to stress myself out. I had bought a new swimsuit last summer after her BBQ. Yesterday I told my spouse that I wanted to wear my new swimsuit triggering HER anxiety. The swimsuit in question is a nice, fairly modest, black one-piece woman's suit. I wore my "C" breast forms in the suit with a bright pink woman's tee shirt and my black skort and I have a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off my body when in the pool and a ball cap given to me from our friend.  the only thing I wasn't bringing was hair. As we were getting set to go, our friend called and asked if we could bring baguette and salad dressing. Sure thing! But it meant making a stop at a grocery store. I haven't been out in public without red hair in a long time but there was the wide brim hat. The shopping trip was uneventful.

So off to the BBQ...I knew that there would be a couple of other people today. Everyone has seen Heather except the nice lady who owns the house and pool. Public events, yup. Drag Queen Bingo, heck yeah! Trunk or treat, a couple of times but I've never been in a social setting at a friend's house as Heather. I figured I'd dressed in a reasonably subtle manner. Without really looking, the black skort looks like shorts and nothing is obvious about the tee shirt being sold in the woman's department. Well... I do have bright red nails! Not subtle at all.  The day was fun and mostly uneventful. Apparently, one of our friends is no longer single and her "plus one" might support a candidate who is not "my cup of tea." I've seen Mr. Plus One at my office so there's no surprise that I'd choose to wear what I did. There was advise about not broaching certain topics around him... I'm already daring to wear the correct clothing for me; I'm not pushing another set of limits. Everyone engaged in pleasant conversation and there were some cornhole games played. Our friend and I won our first (my only) game...not to brag... We ate. Played. Talked. People started taking off. We were down to the core four but alas we didn't swim. Our friend only wore the top of her swimsuit under her street clothes and I completely forgot a towel. Our hostess invited us over to swim any time we wish...

At the end of the day, nobody said anything about my choice of attire at least in my presence.

I was so worried. It stressed my wife to the max.  

Hey, thanks for checking in! Sorry about the rambling nature of this update.

Heather

I even had three cups of sangria!

Tuesday evening.

 Hi again,

Sunday dinner went well. It was just the kids, their Mom and her newish husband and me.

Didn't see the former brother-in-law or his wife, I heard, "They were tired." We had a great dinner and spent lots of time chatting. 

I learned that my son's wife is in town with her parents to care for one of their sets of parents. Next weekend is the annual Pirate Fest in Vegas. Of course we are going and we're going to invite an additional guest! She's never experienced seeing me dressed. We'll see if she's willing to attend.

The niece of one of my co-workers was diagnosed a year ago with breast cancer. The niece is not doing well and the sickness is very aggressive, her prognosis is not good. I told my friend that his is exactly why I had to stop hiding my true self. (this is the woman who inspired me to "look pretty" for the office holiday photo.) Life is too short. Everyone needs to find the things that bring them joy and satisfaction.

Take care of yourself,

Heather

Easter! Sunday Best...

Hi!

Although I'm non-practicing, tomorrow's Easter. My oldest texted and invited us to dinner tomorrow evening. I'm thinking I'll go. Will my spouse go? Probably not but the door is open. There is a possibility that my ex-brother-in-law will be there with his wife. The last time I saw them was years ago, I had a subtle nail polish and I don't know if they noticed and don't care if they did.

Heather isn't staying home. I know I'm more welcome at my ex's house than they are! 

Being Easter Sunday, I'm thinking I'll wear my blue polka-dot dress. 

I think it will be fun. They're an interesting couple. really uptight and non-practicing Catholics. 

It will be nice to get to see my kids. I've been trying to not drive in to the city after the last couple of weeks, I had doctor visits and things to do almost every other day. It's about 150 miles, round trip and it gets expensive. Luckily, I don't mind driving.

I'll post an update after.... wait for it... after my doctor visit on Monday!

Yeah, I'm getting the rest of my nasal surgery done and this will be the pre-op visit and another series of tests to be sure I'm strong and healthy enough for surgery on 4/28 and so it goes.

Chat later.

Thanks for visiting.

Heather